Soundtrack: The Games People Play
| Takers Why should I help? Ask "I wonder what they want?" Ask, "What's in it for me?" Controlling Finds power and peace in externals and things Must be "lords" Appears "In control" Easily overwhelmed "Love" conditionally Low capacity for pain Whiners Braggarts There's "always something..." to worry about "Squeaky Clean" Leave damage and behind in them Collectors What's in it for me? Invest in selves In need of virtually unlimited attention and support Dependent Time, schedules closely monitored "Too busy" Tit-for-tat Pre-occupied with facade of "gratitude" Change people's lives for their own ends Committed to self Undermine Drain energies Seek personal comfort Judgmentally critical Do for themselves only what others won't do for them Manipulative Controlling Cleverly hidden agenda Distrust any and all leaders Help given until angered Suspicious, untrusting Perfectionistic and controlling Offensive/Attacking Fear of pain and suffering Needy talkers Live by schedules Share discomfort, fear Legalistic Resist spiritual growth Don't forgive unless they have to Rigid, rule-enforcer Live, fight and die by "principles" and "rights" Will stop at nothing to get their way Focus on conforming others to themselves Concerned with the urgent Make others pay the price for their desires, needs, wants Impermeable, rigid boundaries Whiners Reactive "Humbly" seek "deserved" attention, affection, reward and recognition for efforts Refuse to submit to demeaning tasks below their dignity Focused on titles, position Always must make a point and be heard no matter what the cost Cause much pain Impatient Overly polite, mannerly Cause helpers hurt Don't talk, trust or feel Mercilessly project responsibility and blame on others Victims Fantasy-driven "If only..." Materialistic My things are important Externally driven Status conscious Territorial Hyper-conscious and hyper-sensitive to appearance Draw attention to themselves by things (jewellery, cars, homes, et al) Pre-occupied with comparing others' wealth, benefits, possessions to their own Covetous Savers "Squirrel" things Gossip, innuendo, behind the back conversations are characteristic Keep secrets Gifts have strings attached Relationship is conditional Don't want to get involved Aloof "See ya!" Always expects "something for nothing" Avoid embarrassment and risk for others "Stuck" Restricts others growth Condemns, punishes mistakes Appreciate being asked and needed "Take care of me" Insensitive to other's pain, needs Resists reciprocation of support, sacrifice Seeks revenge Helpless: "I can't do it by myself!" Just "too busy" Tendency toward overwhelm "Take it and run" "Make me feel good!" (food, money, attention, sex, religion, et al) Starts fights and perpetuates unrest but longs for "peace" Never content, but unwilling to seek growth opportunities Past-And-Immediate-Present Oriented Words and promises can't be trusted "Intends" to keep promises Indirect Demanding Controlling Call for "Teamwork" only for their benefit Impatient Immature Selfish "Faith" is a shallow external facade Unapproachable High/unrealistic expectations of others to do things the right (i.e. "their") way Fear-driven If you can't control it, kill it! What will be will be (fatalistic) Law-Driven |
| Givers Why shouldn't I help? Don't question motivations Ask, "How will this benefit others?" Releasing Finds power and peace in spiritual wisdom Willing to be servants Follows the flow with insight Rolls with the punches Love unconditionally High capacity for pain Bear pain silently and with patience Seldom call attention to themselves Live confidently, day by day May be left "holding the bag" Pick up after themselves Sharers What can I do for them? Invest in people Willing to give virtually unlimited resources Dependable No time table Flexible, open to sudden changes No expectation of return Simply give for the joy of it Help people change their own lives Committed to others Support Energize Seek opportunities Constructively critical Do for themselves and others Doesn't "use" others to a fault Releasing Agenda is announced, overt, and open to scrutiny Trusting of leaders Help unconditionally Trusting, able to give the benefit of a doubt Concerned with the essential and important Defensive/Supporting Can face and work through pain Listeners Flexible Share comfort, confidence Concern-Driven On spiritual journey Forgive, forget, and come back supportive Spontaneous, fun-loving Willing to "break the rules" to show compassion Willingly give up their own agenda for others Focus on becoming transformed Concerned with the important Willing to pay the price for others' well-being Permeable boundaries Doers Proactive They come, assist, and when done, leave no "silver bullet" behind Willing to wash feet, take out trash, do dirty work Focus on helping others achieve their goals They can be ignored as long as people aren't hurt Help facilitate great healing Patient No shows Help when others hurt Shed tears, feel deep grief when hurt Accept responsibility for their own behaviour Survivors Reality-based "Things" just aren't that important People are important Internally driven by "grace" values Welfare-of-others conscious Expansive Not appearance conscious (e.g. weight, height, clothes, figure, hair, coordination, flashiness) Attention tends to be deflected away Do all they can to protect and uphold their neighbour’s welfare Generous Spenders Utilize all available resources Maintain confidences, appropriate communication No need for secrets Give gifts freely Relationship unconditional Want to reach out Concerned "I'll be there if you need me" Willingly works even amid unfair treatment and conditions Will undergo humiliation and pain to assist others Always growing Encourages others growth Mistakes are the path to growth Don't need to be asked Takes care of self and others Sensitive and genuinely empathetic to other's pain Is always there for friends, acquaintances, strangers, and even foes Seeks reconciliation Seeks ways to provide help Goes out of their way Performs well even under pressure If it's not yours, respect it Have learned the "secret" of contentment Seeks constructive, positive means to achieve goals through genuine dialogue and constructive conflict Always satisfied, but looking for new opportunities for growth Future-Oriented Words and promises have meanings Keeps promises Direct Cooperative Sharing, Open Calls for teamwork for benefit of others Patient Mature Sharing Faith is a truly permeating heart-and-soul reality Approachable Accepts “what is” Love-driven Allows the individual to be “them” What will be will be good Love-Driven |
| Differences Between Givers And Takers "Givers" and "Takers" - a simple listing. |
MorningStar for people
To submit comments, requests or materials,
contact me at outreach@dawncoveabbey.org
contact me at outreach@dawncoveabbey.org
For empowerment workshops, seminars and lectures, see: http://www.dawncoveabbey.org/healing-circle
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MorningStar Inspiration from Dawn Cove Abbey
Article, haiku, humour and poem contributions are welcomed, and gratefully received
Layout & Design by DawnStar
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MorningStar Inspiration from Dawn Cove Abbey
Article, haiku, humour and poem contributions are welcomed, and gratefully received
Layout & Design by DawnStar
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| "A successful relationship is not built on givers and takers only, but on people who also become sharers". ~Unknown |
| There are two kinds of people in the world: the Givers and the Takers. The difference between the two is that the Takers eat well, and the Givers sleep well at night. ~Joy Mills - Between Heaven and Earth: the Purpose of the Soul |