| Assertiveness - On Being Assertive |
| Balanced, Self-Determined Behaviour |
Assertiveness: Balanced Self Determinism
An Introduction
Being assertive means having the ability
to express your feelings, opinions, beliefs,
and needs directly,
openly and honestly,
and at the same time
not violating the personal rights of others.
An Introduction
Being assertive means having the ability
to express your feelings, opinions, beliefs,
and needs directly,
openly and honestly,
and at the same time
not violating the personal rights of others.
| Comparison of Behaviours Chart |
Assertiveness will:
• Develop your communication skills.
• Allow you to feel self-confident.
• Increase your self-esteem.
• Help you to gain the respect of others.
• Improve your decision-making ability.
To develop your assertiveness skills, be direct, honest, and open about your feelings, opinions and needs.
State reasonable requests directly and firmly.
State your goals or intentions in a direct and honest manner.
State your point of view without being hesitant or apologetic.
Being responsible for your own behavior will let you feel good about yourself.
Do not let your friends, partners etc, impose or force their behaviors, values and ideas on you.
Instead, let them know what you think, feel and want.
And stand up for it.
For more on developing this skill, see the seminar/workshops page
• Develop your communication skills.
• Allow you to feel self-confident.
• Increase your self-esteem.
• Help you to gain the respect of others.
• Improve your decision-making ability.
To develop your assertiveness skills, be direct, honest, and open about your feelings, opinions and needs.
State reasonable requests directly and firmly.
State your goals or intentions in a direct and honest manner.
State your point of view without being hesitant or apologetic.
Being responsible for your own behavior will let you feel good about yourself.
Do not let your friends, partners etc, impose or force their behaviors, values and ideas on you.
Instead, let them know what you think, feel and want.
And stand up for it.
For more on developing this skill, see the seminar/workshops page
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(1985 – rev: Jan 2010)
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(1985 – rev: Jan 2010)
 |  |  |  |  |
| Follow-up and Support Counseling to Seminars & Workshops Dawn Cove Abbey Empowerment Outreach is a registered not-for-profit business in the province of Nova Scotia, Canada |
If you have questions, comments or suggestions, please email. I'll be happy to hear from you.
| The Dawn Cove Abbey Tradition: Helping People Rediscover Themselves Established in 1995, in commemoration of Abbey Dawn in Kingston, Ontario. |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Passive (Other-Determined Behaviour)
“I don’t count, you count more” (Effects on self) You become inhibited, passive You do not achieve your goals You allow others to choose for you You become hurt and anxious (Effects on others) Others can become guilty or angry Depreciated by others Others achieve goals at your expense |
| Assertive (Balanced Self-Determined Behaviour) Warm, caring, considerate: considers other's rights and feelings respectful of others and self “I don’t count, you count more” “You count, and I count, too" (Effects on self) Is self enhancing You are expressive and active You may achieve your desired goals You choose for yourself You feel good about y (Effects on others) Enhances others Expressive Others may achieve desired goals |
| Aggressive (Egotistical) ( Selfish-Determined Behaviour) Cold-hearted, Selfish, Inconsiderate does not consider others’ rights and feelings is not respectful of others “I count, no-one else counts” (Effects on self) Is self enhancing at the expense of others You are expressive and aggressive You achieve you goals by hurting others You choose for others You depreciate others (Effects on others) Others become hurt, defensive, humiliated Denies others’ selves Others do not achieve desired goals |
Assert Yourself Regularly!
Assertiveness is something that you develop and strengthen over time. Practicing assertive behavior regularly
and reminding yourself that you have value is an important way to build that assertiveness.
Review the statements below on a regular basis to remind yourself that your thoughts and opinions are
important. Every time you agree with these statements, you're building your assertive skills.
• I am honest and direct about my thoughts and feelings.
• I speak up and share my views if I disagree with others' opinions.
• I am confident about my opinions and decisions.
• I am able to accept that someone else may have a better idea or solution to a problem than I do.
• I can accept positive criticism and suggestions.
• I ask for help when I need it.
• I am able to turn down requests that seem unreasonable or unfair.
• I directly address things that bother me.
• I speak confidently about things that matter a lot to me.
• I consider my needs as important as others.
Assertiveness is something that you develop and strengthen over time. Practicing assertive behavior regularly
and reminding yourself that you have value is an important way to build that assertiveness.
Review the statements below on a regular basis to remind yourself that your thoughts and opinions are
important. Every time you agree with these statements, you're building your assertive skills.
• I am honest and direct about my thoughts and feelings.
• I speak up and share my views if I disagree with others' opinions.
• I am confident about my opinions and decisions.
• I am able to accept that someone else may have a better idea or solution to a problem than I do.
• I can accept positive criticism and suggestions.
• I ask for help when I need it.
• I am able to turn down requests that seem unreasonable or unfair.
• I directly address things that bother me.
• I speak confidently about things that matter a lot to me.
• I consider my needs as important as others.
| | | | |
It means standing up for yourself.
Assertive behavior is often confused with aggression.
The difference is, aggressive behavior is self-enhancing at the expense of others.
It does not take other individuals' rights into consideration.
Aggressive behaviour other people’s feelings are ignored, violated and not taken into
consideration when interacting with them.
Assertive behavior is often confused with aggression.
The difference is, aggressive behavior is self-enhancing at the expense of others.
It does not take other individuals' rights into consideration.
Aggressive behaviour other people’s feelings are ignored, violated and not taken into
consideration when interacting with them.
everything’s welfare: it puts the focus on you!
It teaches that you should feel guilty over other people’s failures; that it is your fault, and to see yourself
as the failure, or the problem, because you didn’t fix it, or prevent it: you are supposed to take the blame.
If you don’t accept it, and instead ask others to take ownership and responsibility of their actions and
choices, and stand up for yourself, you are told that you are wrong, selfish, aggressive and mean.
It is not selfish, mean, insensitive, or inconsiderate: you are just taking ownership and responsibility for you.
It teaches that you should feel guilty over other people’s failures; that it is your fault, and to see yourself
as the failure, or the problem, because you didn’t fix it, or prevent it: you are supposed to take the blame.
If you don’t accept it, and instead ask others to take ownership and responsibility of their actions and
choices, and stand up for yourself, you are told that you are wrong, selfish, aggressive and mean.
It is not selfish, mean, insensitive, or inconsiderate: you are just taking ownership and responsibility for you.
them not taking ownership or responsibility for own their lives, and instead, it tries to put it all on you.
This leads to further negative self-images of yourself.
They will back you into that corner where they make you out to be the heavy, or the mean one, to get you to
“back down”. Yet, you are simply holding out for your own self, and asking them to take responsibility for
themselves.
Being assertive means being able to express, and stand-up for, your feelings, opinions, beliefs, and needs,
directly, openly and honestly, without violating the personal rights of others at the same time.
It means standing up for yourself. Assertive behavior is often confused with aggression.
The difference is that aggressive behavior is self-enhancing at the expense of others: other people’s
feelings and rights are ignored violated and not taken into consideration. An assertive person does consider
others; and asks for, and stands-up for, the same thing in return.
Passive: Other Determined Behaviour (ODB)
When your behaviour is determined only by the needs of others.
Assertive: Self Determined Behaviour (BSD)
When your behaviour is determined by your needs while respecting the needs of others at the same
time!
Aggressive: Selfish Determined Behaviour (SDB)
When your behaviour is determined only by your needs alone.
The focus is on BALANCE!
All of us swing from one end of the range to another, at times.
The goal is to be in the middle; in the balanced position MOST of the time: striving for balance.
This leads to further negative self-images of yourself.
They will back you into that corner where they make you out to be the heavy, or the mean one, to get you to
“back down”. Yet, you are simply holding out for your own self, and asking them to take responsibility for
themselves.
Being assertive means being able to express, and stand-up for, your feelings, opinions, beliefs, and needs,
directly, openly and honestly, without violating the personal rights of others at the same time.
It means standing up for yourself. Assertive behavior is often confused with aggression.
The difference is that aggressive behavior is self-enhancing at the expense of others: other people’s
feelings and rights are ignored violated and not taken into consideration. An assertive person does consider
others; and asks for, and stands-up for, the same thing in return.
Passive: Other Determined Behaviour (ODB)
When your behaviour is determined only by the needs of others.
Assertive: Self Determined Behaviour (BSD)
When your behaviour is determined by your needs while respecting the needs of others at the same
time!
Aggressive: Selfish Determined Behaviour (SDB)
When your behaviour is determined only by your needs alone.
The focus is on BALANCE!
All of us swing from one end of the range to another, at times.
The goal is to be in the middle; in the balanced position MOST of the time: striving for balance.
| People who really want to heal, will find a way; those who don't, will find an excuse. |
Assertive behaviour is when your behaviour is determined by your needs while respecting the needs of
others at the same time!
In Aggressive behaviour - your behaviour is determined only by your needs alone
Many people have difficulty in expressing their feelings honestly and openly because they lack assertiveness.
That can be a major problem in building a relationship, going out in the career world, or communicating with
friends, family members, and co-workers.
Being assertive means having the ability to express your feelings, opinions, beliefs, and needs directly,
openly and honestly, and at the same time not violating the personal rights of others.
Assertiveness does not in any way means being aggressive.
Aggressive behavior is self enhancing at the expense of others.
It does not take other individual's rights into consideration.
Assertive behavior is often confused with aggression: the difference is, in aggressive behaviour, friends',
partner's and associates' feelings are ignored, violated and not taken into consideration when interacting
with them leaving them feeling hurt, humiliated, angry, and revengeful.
others at the same time!
In Aggressive behaviour - your behaviour is determined only by your needs alone
Many people have difficulty in expressing their feelings honestly and openly because they lack assertiveness.
That can be a major problem in building a relationship, going out in the career world, or communicating with
friends, family members, and co-workers.
Being assertive means having the ability to express your feelings, opinions, beliefs, and needs directly,
openly and honestly, and at the same time not violating the personal rights of others.
Assertiveness does not in any way means being aggressive.
Aggressive behavior is self enhancing at the expense of others.
It does not take other individual's rights into consideration.
Assertive behavior is often confused with aggression: the difference is, in aggressive behaviour, friends',
partner's and associates' feelings are ignored, violated and not taken into consideration when interacting
with them leaving them feeling hurt, humiliated, angry, and revengeful.
If you found this page helpful and know someone else who could benefit from it, please tell them
NOTE: For Recovering/Healing from a dysfunctional family, coping with or overcoming a dysfunctional
(alcoholic) family/relationship, help is available here - Online, distance help/counselling works!
Related topics: Abuse & Violence, Children-Roles, Codependency & Male-Female Equality, Lifeskills or Building Trust
NOTE: For Recovering/Healing from a dysfunctional family, coping with or overcoming a dysfunctional
(alcoholic) family/relationship, help is available here - Online, distance help/counselling works!
Related topics: Abuse & Violence, Children-Roles, Codependency & Male-Female Equality, Lifeskills or Building Trust
| If you are ready to make the change / transition to begin your healing journey, we can help. For more information see Help - to contact us see Contact-Us Please call, write or email without obligation (and strictly confidential) _____________________________________________________________________ |
Dawn Cove Abbey - many ways of helping people learn, recover and heal:
I sincerely hope that you take the Less Travelled Road and that it brings
awakening and healing to you.
- providing personal guidance for growth, healing and empowerment
through personal life coaching/counselling.
- extensive information and support pages on this website
- - the information is free and available to all - if you have found it to
be helpful and useful, please consider making a donation toward
maintaining this important service.
I sincerely hope that you take the Less Travelled Road and that it brings
awakening and healing to you.
| ~Explorations In Awareness~ -Demystifying & Detoxifying the Mind to combat Alienation and Dysfunction- Please visit and add your voice. |
