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Good communication skills: A better approach
When you realize the difference between good communication skills
communication skills and the "good for nothing communication skills", it will be easier for
you to become a good communicator.
Since we are born with superb inbuilt tools for communication, we often think we are born
with good communication skills too - just because we have been doing it all our life!
It is true that from childhood you have been given verbal and non-verbal inexplicit
instructions on how to behave and talk to people.
We have been taught to speak to people rather than speak with them
For example, while we are talking to others,
seldom do we stop and ask ourselves
“what is it that I am trying to communicate”?
There is no definite goal for many of our conversations.
From the childhood, we are taught that those who can talk faster are usually sharper than
others.
(Good communication skills?)
Not!
When you realize the difference between good communication skills
communication skills and the "good for nothing communication skills", it will be easier for
you to become a good communicator.
Since we are born with superb inbuilt tools for communication, we often think we are born
with good communication skills too - just because we have been doing it all our life!
It is true that from childhood you have been given verbal and non-verbal inexplicit
instructions on how to behave and talk to people.
We have been taught to speak to people rather than speak with them
For example, while we are talking to others,
seldom do we stop and ask ourselves
“what is it that I am trying to communicate”?
There is no definite goal for many of our conversations.
From the childhood, we are taught that those who can talk faster are usually sharper than
others.
(Good communication skills?)
Not!
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We need dialogue
– not diatribe (a bitter verbal or written attack on somebody or something).
Nor do we need "verbal diarrhea", which is simply another version of more talk, talk, talk
(meaningless sound)
Effective communication is the key to get you to where you want to be in your life.
Communication is an essential skill for successful relationships of all kinds, personal and other.
‘Man is not an island’
- communication has the power to destroy, or build relationships.
Communication has an impact whenever it occurs
- we can use communication to influence every interaction in a positive way,
by developing the skills needed to communicate effectively.
However, in order to do so,
it is important to understand the difference
between the two forms of communication outlined above: Dialogue vs Debate
And we have to be clear in our minds
on whether we just want to keep thing as they are
- on the surface - with meaningless rambling (time fillers/killers)
- or to really connect at a more significant level
- to truly hear, and be heard.
Often, to be heard, requires that the other party senses
that they are being heard (listened to) as well,
before they truly begin to "listen".
When people are engaged in dialogue, listening does happen,
and when it happens, or because it happens, the responses each makes
will be significantly different from what they would have said
without dialogue, caring and listening.
The ability to connect and build rapport with other people is a foundation life skill,
and should ideally, be actively developed from an early age.
It is a learned skill which can be learned, re-learned, and used at any age.
“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way
we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our
communication with others.” ~Anthony Robbins
Also see: Communication Confusion
Klaas Tuinman MA
Deerfield, NS 2010
– not diatribe (a bitter verbal or written attack on somebody or something).
Nor do we need "verbal diarrhea", which is simply another version of more talk, talk, talk
(meaningless sound)
Effective communication is the key to get you to where you want to be in your life.
Communication is an essential skill for successful relationships of all kinds, personal and other.
‘Man is not an island’
- communication has the power to destroy, or build relationships.
Communication has an impact whenever it occurs
- we can use communication to influence every interaction in a positive way,
by developing the skills needed to communicate effectively.
However, in order to do so,
it is important to understand the difference
between the two forms of communication outlined above: Dialogue vs Debate
And we have to be clear in our minds
on whether we just want to keep thing as they are
- on the surface - with meaningless rambling (time fillers/killers)
- or to really connect at a more significant level
- to truly hear, and be heard.
Often, to be heard, requires that the other party senses
that they are being heard (listened to) as well,
before they truly begin to "listen".
When people are engaged in dialogue, listening does happen,
and when it happens, or because it happens, the responses each makes
will be significantly different from what they would have said
without dialogue, caring and listening.
The ability to connect and build rapport with other people is a foundation life skill,
and should ideally, be actively developed from an early age.
It is a learned skill which can be learned, re-learned, and used at any age.
“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way
we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our
communication with others.” ~Anthony Robbins
Also see: Communication Confusion
Klaas Tuinman MA
Deerfield, NS 2010
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| Communication and Dialogue |
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To explain dialogue we like to contrast it with debate, a more common form of discourse.
The goal of debate is winning; the goal of dialogue is learning and understanding.
(Debates are similar to arguments – except arguments want to blame and hurt as well as win.)
The goal of debate is winning; the goal of dialogue is learning and understanding.
(Debates are similar to arguments – except arguments want to blame and hurt as well as win.)
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Whenever you are expressing a thought to someone,
it is a good idea if you have an overall picture of,
“what is it that you are trying to convey”?
If you have picture or a sound in mind that you want to convey,
it will be much easier to achieve your goal.
To start practicing good communication skills,
begin using this principle today!
Remember, it is not just the words that do the job;
it's a lot of other “people” things too! ~anon
DIALOGUE: Dialogue is a special kind of discourse employing distinctive skills
to achieve mutual understanding and mutual trust and respect.
Dialogue allows people to connect at a deeper level.
Participants in dialogue report that the experience of dialogue yields specific benefits and results.
Dialogue:
it is a good idea if you have an overall picture of,
“what is it that you are trying to convey”?
If you have picture or a sound in mind that you want to convey,
it will be much easier to achieve your goal.
To start practicing good communication skills,
begin using this principle today!
Remember, it is not just the words that do the job;
it's a lot of other “people” things too! ~anon
DIALOGUE: Dialogue is a special kind of discourse employing distinctive skills
to achieve mutual understanding and mutual trust and respect.
Dialogue allows people to connect at a deeper level.
Participants in dialogue report that the experience of dialogue yields specific benefits and results.
Dialogue:
- Dispels mistrust and creates a climate of good faith
- Breaks through negative stereotypes, revealing participants' common humanity
- Shifts the focus from transactions to relationships, creating community
- Makes participants more sympathetic to one another even when they disagree
- Prepares the ground for negotiation or decision-making on emotion-laden issues
- Helps bridge subcultures and clarify value conflicts
- Expands the number of people committed to the process
- Brings out the best rather than the worst in people
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NOTE: For Recovering/Healing from a dysfunctional family, coping with or overcoming a dysfunctional
(alcoholic) family/relationship, help is available here - Online, distance help/counselling works!
Related topics: Abuse & Violence, Children-Roles, Codependency & Male-Female Equality, Lifeskills or Building Trust
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