The grieving process is very personal and individual - each person goes through his
or her grief differently: grief is a very personal journey. Each of us grieve in
different ways. Some of us proceed quickly through our bereavement tasks.
Others need longer.
It may feel impossible to recover after losing someone you love. But grief does get
gradually better and become less intense as time goes by.
or her grief differently: grief is a very personal journey. Each of us grieve in
different ways. Some of us proceed quickly through our bereavement tasks.
Others need longer.
It may feel impossible to recover after losing someone you love. But grief does get
gradually better and become less intense as time goes by.
| To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to sow; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war; and a time of peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (Attributed to King Solomon) |
Reading: There are two outstanding books I would recommend: The Fall of Freddie the Leaf
by Dr. Leo Buscaglia - perhaps the best explanation of death to a child that i can think of, and
EACH LITTLE BIRD THAT SINGS by Deborah Wiles (2005) which gives major insights
about death - through the eyes of a child.
You may also find, "For A Reason", "Miss Me, But Let Me Go", to be helpful - as well as the
links on the menu bar at the right.
During the times of grief we all need extra support - you may find something helpful to
carry you through the day, or through such times by visiting our Daily Morale Boosters Page.
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(2010)
by Dr. Leo Buscaglia - perhaps the best explanation of death to a child that i can think of, and
EACH LITTLE BIRD THAT SINGS by Deborah Wiles (2005) which gives major insights
about death - through the eyes of a child.
You may also find, "For A Reason", "Miss Me, But Let Me Go", to be helpful - as well as the
links on the menu bar at the right.
During the times of grief we all need extra support - you may find something helpful to
carry you through the day, or through such times by visiting our Daily Morale Boosters Page.
- NOTE: If you, or someone you know, is having difficulty with your/their bereavement,
loss, separation or divorce, and you desire help: online - Distance Counselling Works
(see Counselling) for more detail (also Contact-Us): no risk - no obligation: or email:
outreach@dawncoveabbey.org
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(2010)
Bereavement: Death of a Child
Only the Wounded Heal; Only the Separated Reconcile
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |  |  |  |  |
IF YOU NEED HELP WITH YOUR LIFE SITUATION
Let us help you find long-term resolution for
your problems - and assist you in your Emotional,
Mental and Spiritual Healing.
Email, Call or write - Today!
Let us help you find long-term resolution for
your problems - and assist you in your Emotional,
Mental and Spiritual Healing.
Email, Call or write - Today!
| | | | |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Dawn Cove Abbey Transformational Outreach: Resource
If you found this page helpful and know someone else who could benefit from it,
please tell them about it, or send them the link.
NOTE: For Healing from a loss, help is available here - Online, distance help/counselling works!
Related topic: Grief and Grieving
please tell them about it, or send them the link.
NOTE: For Healing from a loss, help is available here - Online, distance help/counselling works!
Related topic: Grief and Grieving
| Dawn Cove Abbey Empowerment Outreach is a registered not-for-profit business in the province of Nova Scotia, Canada |
The death of a child, is one of the most excruciating events, if not the most,
that a family can experience.
Very often, such losses are not predictable or expected,
and those are even more difficult to absorb.
And while all losses of loved ones are devastating,
perhaps the loss of a child is one of the worst.
that a family can experience.
Very often, such losses are not predictable or expected,
and those are even more difficult to absorb.
And while all losses of loved ones are devastating,
perhaps the loss of a child is one of the worst.
We learn how to continue to function in spite of our losses through grieving.
How well we manage this will affect our quality of life
and how we subsequently relate emotionally to others throughout our lives.
How well we manage this will affect our quality of life
and how we subsequently relate emotionally to others throughout our lives.
If you have lost a child and need someone to talk to,
someone to listen - someone who understands,
please contact Sandra Cassell, our grief counselor.
Sandra lost her son and is familiar with all the
emotional aspects of such a tremendous loss.
Please see Contact Us on how to reach her.
someone to listen - someone who understands,
please contact Sandra Cassell, our grief counselor.
Sandra lost her son and is familiar with all the
emotional aspects of such a tremendous loss.
Please see Contact Us on how to reach her.
Death Of A Child
While death is a part of life, and thus an expected thing to deal with, there is one most of
us are seldom prepared for: losing a child.
The death of a child is the most excruciating event a person or family can experience – it
changes everyone one in the family forever.
Our children leaving home when they’ve grown up is already a difficult event; especially for
mothers because there is the loss of a nurturing role that
has been part of her life for many years and she will need to find herself again and fill the
void left.
If a child dies at this major point in life she will be faced with a struggle on many fronts.
It is also difficult for the father – both parents will feel that void, but will experience it
in different ways. Both will struggle with the loss of the child who has died.
While death is a part of life, and thus an expected thing to deal with, there is one most of
us are seldom prepared for: losing a child.
The death of a child is the most excruciating event a person or family can experience – it
changes everyone one in the family forever.
Our children leaving home when they’ve grown up is already a difficult event; especially for
mothers because there is the loss of a nurturing role that
has been part of her life for many years and she will need to find herself again and fill the
void left.
If a child dies at this major point in life she will be faced with a struggle on many fronts.
It is also difficult for the father – both parents will feel that void, but will experience it
in different ways. Both will struggle with the loss of the child who has died.
Parents often change tremendously after the death of their child, so much so, that
become unrecognisable to each other as the people who met and began a family life years
before. It will put a tremendous strain on the relationship, and to salvage it, they will
need to discover who they are all over again. Each will need space and time as they grieve
for their child in their own way and on different time frames. At this critical time of
change they will also need to leave the path of communication between them open to
enable a new life and understanding to be constructed, slowly and with input from both.
But not only do they change vis a vis their spouses: their friends will also notice the
change, and may experience the friendship diminishing. Here too, communication needs to
be maintained. Friends need to exercise patience – the bereaved parent will need to try
and maintain a level of communication and interaction to avoid losing their friends, too.
The pain never goes away. It is there with you every second that you breathe, and with
every step that you take. For some, it gradually it softens and becomes a part of their
life, a part of who they are, a part of the relationship between them and their child.
In time this new life seems so normal and it is normal:
normal to cry,
normal to feel sad,
normal to be thinking of your child all the time;
normal for him/her not to be in your life.
You may hate how it makes you feel
but you cannot change anything
and so you get on with life
and carry your pain through each day.
Sometimes it is unbearable, eating away at the foundations of the new life you have
fought so hard to build. It tears apart the strength you have wrapped around your
broken dreams and exposes the damage you have suffered since your child died.
And the world and life around you does not make things any easier for you. It expects
you, as a bereaved parent to leave your child in the past, to ‘move on’ or ‘let go’. That is
you end up feeling so isolated from society, from family and friends. You are, somehow,
expected to take this child, whose attachment to you was not severed with the umbilical
cord and pack him/her away like old, out-dated clothes. A child whom you had nurtured
and loved every second your lives touched, whose connection with you was on every level
of your existence, a child who filled your world with the miracle of her/his smile.
You do not have to ‘leave’ your child. You can move forward into a new life and take your
child with you. Every time you think of your child they are a part of that moment.
Certainly, you cannot see your child by your side, you cannot hold him/her, but the love
you felt for each other is imbedded in your soul, runs through your veins and inhabits
every breath you take.
become unrecognisable to each other as the people who met and began a family life years
before. It will put a tremendous strain on the relationship, and to salvage it, they will
need to discover who they are all over again. Each will need space and time as they grieve
for their child in their own way and on different time frames. At this critical time of
change they will also need to leave the path of communication between them open to
enable a new life and understanding to be constructed, slowly and with input from both.
But not only do they change vis a vis their spouses: their friends will also notice the
change, and may experience the friendship diminishing. Here too, communication needs to
be maintained. Friends need to exercise patience – the bereaved parent will need to try
and maintain a level of communication and interaction to avoid losing their friends, too.
The pain never goes away. It is there with you every second that you breathe, and with
every step that you take. For some, it gradually it softens and becomes a part of their
life, a part of who they are, a part of the relationship between them and their child.
In time this new life seems so normal and it is normal:
normal to cry,
normal to feel sad,
normal to be thinking of your child all the time;
normal for him/her not to be in your life.
You may hate how it makes you feel
but you cannot change anything
and so you get on with life
and carry your pain through each day.
Sometimes it is unbearable, eating away at the foundations of the new life you have
fought so hard to build. It tears apart the strength you have wrapped around your
broken dreams and exposes the damage you have suffered since your child died.
And the world and life around you does not make things any easier for you. It expects
you, as a bereaved parent to leave your child in the past, to ‘move on’ or ‘let go’. That is
you end up feeling so isolated from society, from family and friends. You are, somehow,
expected to take this child, whose attachment to you was not severed with the umbilical
cord and pack him/her away like old, out-dated clothes. A child whom you had nurtured
and loved every second your lives touched, whose connection with you was on every level
of your existence, a child who filled your world with the miracle of her/his smile.
You do not have to ‘leave’ your child. You can move forward into a new life and take your
child with you. Every time you think of your child they are a part of that moment.
Certainly, you cannot see your child by your side, you cannot hold him/her, but the love
you felt for each other is imbedded in your soul, runs through your veins and inhabits
every breath you take.
Others will not really know what to say to you, much as they want to be there for you. Perhaps the best
advice for them is that if they don't know what to say, then don't say anything. Just give a hug. Let the
bereaved parent know you are available to listen and that you care.
In reality, parents don’t really ever "get over" the loss of a child. Instead, they learn to adjust and to
integrate the loss into their lives. The death of a child remains as one of the most stressful life events
imaginable.
As a bereaved parent you will struggle to adapt to a life without your child at a time when your energy levels
will be severely depleted and it will be vital that you also try to take care of yourself.
Don't ignore or try to bury your feelings.
The death of a child will leave you feeling weak and dazed and in shock.
You may find yourselves feeling alone and sullen.
It is vital for those who have lost a child communicate their feelings with others.
Share your feelings of helplessness, confusion, anger, depression, pain, guilt, fear, and even hate.
Learn and understand the stages of death and dying.
Don't allow yourselves to get stuck in one of the stages.
Don't try to get through this alone; keep in touch with friends and family members,
and don’t be afraid to talk about it. Those who care won’t mind, and they’ll understand.
advice for them is that if they don't know what to say, then don't say anything. Just give a hug. Let the
bereaved parent know you are available to listen and that you care.
In reality, parents don’t really ever "get over" the loss of a child. Instead, they learn to adjust and to
integrate the loss into their lives. The death of a child remains as one of the most stressful life events
imaginable.
As a bereaved parent you will struggle to adapt to a life without your child at a time when your energy levels
will be severely depleted and it will be vital that you also try to take care of yourself.
Don't ignore or try to bury your feelings.
The death of a child will leave you feeling weak and dazed and in shock.
You may find yourselves feeling alone and sullen.
It is vital for those who have lost a child communicate their feelings with others.
Share your feelings of helplessness, confusion, anger, depression, pain, guilt, fear, and even hate.
Learn and understand the stages of death and dying.
Don't allow yourselves to get stuck in one of the stages.
Don't try to get through this alone; keep in touch with friends and family members,
and don’t be afraid to talk about it. Those who care won’t mind, and they’ll understand.
Perhaps the most devastating child death is through suicide. It generates so many
questions, and tends to create massive guilt, as well as creating uncertainty.
One Nova Scotia mother who lost her son through suicide in 2007 and had no guide
or support system to help her has now produced a booklet to help parents and all
others who are touched by this.
You can find a copy of it Free - at: http://www.teenmentalhealth.org/family.php
You can also see her interview with the CBC at the following link of the newscast;
her interview is at the 12 minute mark - CBC Link.
questions, and tends to create massive guilt, as well as creating uncertainty.
One Nova Scotia mother who lost her son through suicide in 2007 and had no guide
or support system to help her has now produced a booklet to help parents and all
others who are touched by this.
You can find a copy of it Free - at: http://www.teenmentalhealth.org/family.php
You can also see her interview with the CBC at the following link of the newscast;
her interview is at the 12 minute mark - CBC Link.
| If you are ready to make the change / transition to begin your healing journey, we can help. For more information see Help - to contact us see Contact-Us Please call, write or email without obligation (and strictly confidential) _____________________________________________________________________ |
Dawn Cove Abbey - many ways of helping people learn, recover and heal:
I sincerely hope that you take the Less Travelled Road and that it brings
awakening and healing to you.
- providing personal guidance for growth, healing and empowerment
through personal life coaching/counselling.
- extensive information and support pages on this website
- - the information is free and available to all - if you have found it to
be helpful and useful, please consider making a donation toward
maintaining this important service.
I sincerely hope that you take the Less Travelled Road and that it brings
awakening and healing to you.
