Reflections on Forgiveness: Forgiveness - the power that heals!
To forgive others and yourself is an empowering act: an act that is much misunderstood.
Forgiveness (a process) towards personal growth and expanding your human potential.
To forgive others and yourself is an empowering act: an act that is much misunderstood.
Forgiveness (a process) towards personal growth and expanding your human potential.
Where Are You on the Path toward Peace and Healing?
Forgiveness is a healing journey for both body and soul. You usually know in your heart
that you want or need to forgive someone; but by now you also know that the path toward
peace can be difficult. To move forward, it often helps to have an accurate sense of
where you are right now.
Anyone who has ever been victimized must decide whether or not to forgive the
perpetrator. There can be no middle ground to this decision: either you decide to forgive
the person who hurt you; or you hold on to bitterness and anger.
Holding on to bitterness and anger causes problems of their own. If you have ever been
victimized, being able to forgive your victimizer is a crucial part of your healing.
Forgiveness, however, is a problem for many people simply because they are not clear
about what forgiveness really is. All too often forgiveness gets confused with
reconciliation. Reconciliation is a separate step from forgiveness. It may be a component
of a larger process - but forgiveness is but one part. And at this point we are speaking
only of forgiveness; not reconciliation.
Forgiveness is hard work, very hard, and it is so tempting at times to avoid it; which is
self-defeating. If you remind yourself that you are doing it for yourself, not the other
person, it is easier to do the necessary inner work.
Forgiveness is a healing journey for both body and soul. You usually know in your heart
that you want or need to forgive someone; but by now you also know that the path toward
peace can be difficult. To move forward, it often helps to have an accurate sense of
where you are right now.
Anyone who has ever been victimized must decide whether or not to forgive the
perpetrator. There can be no middle ground to this decision: either you decide to forgive
the person who hurt you; or you hold on to bitterness and anger.
Holding on to bitterness and anger causes problems of their own. If you have ever been
victimized, being able to forgive your victimizer is a crucial part of your healing.
Forgiveness, however, is a problem for many people simply because they are not clear
about what forgiveness really is. All too often forgiveness gets confused with
reconciliation. Reconciliation is a separate step from forgiveness. It may be a component
of a larger process - but forgiveness is but one part. And at this point we are speaking
only of forgiveness; not reconciliation.
Forgiveness is hard work, very hard, and it is so tempting at times to avoid it; which is
self-defeating. If you remind yourself that you are doing it for yourself, not the other
person, it is easier to do the necessary inner work.
Without forgiveness, healing will always be incomplete (read "The Awakening" and also see Guilt page).
More on forgiveness
Also see How To Forgive
Also see the Seminars-Workshops page - for seminars and Lectures on "Forgiveness"
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(1985 – rev: Dec-2005-2008)
More on forgiveness
Also see How To Forgive
Also see the Seminars-Workshops page - for seminars and Lectures on "Forgiveness"
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(1985 – rev: Dec-2005-2008)
Help is available through coaching/counselling - just write, email, or call (with no obligation).
| Forgiveness - the Power That Heals: Forgive - Forgiving |
Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another. You choose to let go of a
past wrong and no longer be hurt by it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like
turning your shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk. It's your
move. ~Real Live Preacher
past wrong and no longer be hurt by it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like
turning your shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk. It's your
move. ~Real Live Preacher
Only when you forgive can we remove the hurt and let healing power flow in. The most common response to being hurt
is anger, bitterness and hatred. But all that emotion that we carry around inside you doesn't affect the person you are
angry with, or whom you have come to hate. It only hurts you, even more than the original hurt. It festers and grows,
prevents happiness and joy, and will affect your health. That anger, bitterness and hatred have to go, for your own
sake.
First you need to confront those feelings. This may be a difficult step for many, since it is not easy to admit that you
harbour such feelings. Generally you will have hidden the full fury from yourself, and then it rages on internally
totally beyond your control.
Confronting it (facing it) removes it from the hidden depths to the daylight where you can look at it and control it.
Once you accomplish that step, you can then in your mind at least, say to the person, "You've hurt me".
When that step is done you can let go of all of that destructive emotion. When you forgive, you let go of the past.
This does not mean you have to pretend that something never happened: it did. But by letting go, you are changing its
impact and effect on you – taking away its control over you, and your life. In a way, you "forget", yet it is not good to
forget too soon, for that might very well be a subtle way of burying the event in your memory to resume its festering
process.
Only when you have fully confronted (faced) it, and come to understand it: forgive, let go, and then forget – but
remember the lesson. Forget in this sense means to move it from the forefront to the back of your mind into the
garbage can of other relatively “unimportant” memories.
Since emotions are powerful aspects of our being, they can trick you into a false sense of security as easily as they
can lead you to fear or hate. Forgiving is seldom a one-time thing. In many cases you have to continue working at it,
for if you don't, sometimes when you least expect it, the destructive feelings over some past hurt you thought you'd
forgiven and forgotten return to start their negative process again.
Bitterness and hate are difficult to eradicate. You may have to repeat the process several times to finally get rid of
them; and the deeper the hurt, the longer it may take. But as you persevere, over time it will begin to happen.
Forgiveness, or forgiving someone, is often seen as weakness. A long time of involvement with people has convinced me
that this view is wrong: it is an act of courage and strength.
Another thing people tend to forget is that it is as important to forgive yourself as it is to forgive others. To forgive
yourself is not a way to escape responsibility - it is a way to move on - to learn from the experience, and then let go of
it.
When we forgive, we heal ourselves, and sometimes others. Most important of all, perhaps, is the fact that sometimes
in order for us to be able to forgive someone else for their transgression, we have to forgive ourselves for our own
first.
is anger, bitterness and hatred. But all that emotion that we carry around inside you doesn't affect the person you are
angry with, or whom you have come to hate. It only hurts you, even more than the original hurt. It festers and grows,
prevents happiness and joy, and will affect your health. That anger, bitterness and hatred have to go, for your own
sake.
First you need to confront those feelings. This may be a difficult step for many, since it is not easy to admit that you
harbour such feelings. Generally you will have hidden the full fury from yourself, and then it rages on internally
totally beyond your control.
Confronting it (facing it) removes it from the hidden depths to the daylight where you can look at it and control it.
Once you accomplish that step, you can then in your mind at least, say to the person, "You've hurt me".
When that step is done you can let go of all of that destructive emotion. When you forgive, you let go of the past.
This does not mean you have to pretend that something never happened: it did. But by letting go, you are changing its
impact and effect on you – taking away its control over you, and your life. In a way, you "forget", yet it is not good to
forget too soon, for that might very well be a subtle way of burying the event in your memory to resume its festering
process.
Only when you have fully confronted (faced) it, and come to understand it: forgive, let go, and then forget – but
remember the lesson. Forget in this sense means to move it from the forefront to the back of your mind into the
garbage can of other relatively “unimportant” memories.
Since emotions are powerful aspects of our being, they can trick you into a false sense of security as easily as they
can lead you to fear or hate. Forgiving is seldom a one-time thing. In many cases you have to continue working at it,
for if you don't, sometimes when you least expect it, the destructive feelings over some past hurt you thought you'd
forgiven and forgotten return to start their negative process again.
Bitterness and hate are difficult to eradicate. You may have to repeat the process several times to finally get rid of
them; and the deeper the hurt, the longer it may take. But as you persevere, over time it will begin to happen.
Forgiveness, or forgiving someone, is often seen as weakness. A long time of involvement with people has convinced me
that this view is wrong: it is an act of courage and strength.
Another thing people tend to forget is that it is as important to forgive yourself as it is to forgive others. To forgive
yourself is not a way to escape responsibility - it is a way to move on - to learn from the experience, and then let go of
it.
When we forgive, we heal ourselves, and sometimes others. Most important of all, perhaps, is the fact that sometimes
in order for us to be able to forgive someone else for their transgression, we have to forgive ourselves for our own
first.
Forgiveness . . . so misunderstood . . .
Forgiveness - the power that heals: to forgive others and yourself is an empowering act! It requires that you sort out
for yourself what you are really doing – and what you are not doing.
The Effects Of Not Forgiving is Excessive Inhibition:
Holding onto hurts brings fixation:
Forgiveness - the power that heals: to forgive others and yourself is an empowering act! It requires that you sort out
for yourself what you are really doing – and what you are not doing.
- Forgiveness is not letting the other person "off"
- Forgiveness is letting yourself "off" - to end inner bitterness and ongoing hurt and pain
The Effects Of Not Forgiving is Excessive Inhibition:
- By hanging onto your hurts, and inhibiting yourself, you produce deadness; numbing whole areas of the body;
inhibiting breathing, movement, the flow of energy.
Holding onto hurts brings fixation:
- stunting growth; creating in you the experience of being blocked off;
| "As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind." ~Isabelle Holland |
Helping People make sense of chaotic
lives: healing & recovery
lives: healing & recovery
Empowerment: Counselling - Life Coaching,
Seminars, Workshops & Retreats
Seminars, Workshops & Retreats
| When life hurts - there is immediate help for long term hope |
Only the Wounded Heal; Only the Separated Reconcile
| Dawn Cove Abbey Empowerment Outreach - New Beginning Online Information Resources, and other supports for Individuals, Couples and Families LIFE COUNSELING / COACHING / COUNSELLING and CONSULTING: HEALING YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD |
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