Reflections on Forgiveness:
Forgiveness - the power that heals!
To forgive others and yourself is an empowering act: an act
that is much misunderstood.
Forgiveness (a process) towards personal growth and
expanding your human potential.
Forgiveness - the power that heals!
To forgive others and yourself is an empowering act: an act
that is much misunderstood.
Forgiveness (a process) towards personal growth and
expanding your human potential.
Where Are You on the Path
toward Peace and Healing?
Forgiveness is a healing journey for both body and soul. You
usually know in your heart that you want or need to forgive
someone; but by now you also know that the path toward
peace can be difficult.
To move forward, it often helps to have an accurate sense of
where you are right now.
Anyone who has ever been victimized must decide whether or
not to forgive the perpetrator.
There can be no middle ground to this decision: either you
decide to forgive the person who hurt you; or you hold on to
bitterness and anger.
Holding on to bitterness and anger causes problems of their
own. If you have ever been victimized, being able to forgive
your victimizer is a crucial part of your healing.
toward Peace and Healing?
Forgiveness is a healing journey for both body and soul. You
usually know in your heart that you want or need to forgive
someone; but by now you also know that the path toward
peace can be difficult.
To move forward, it often helps to have an accurate sense of
where you are right now.
Anyone who has ever been victimized must decide whether or
not to forgive the perpetrator.
There can be no middle ground to this decision: either you
decide to forgive the person who hurt you; or you hold on to
bitterness and anger.
Holding on to bitterness and anger causes problems of their
own. If you have ever been victimized, being able to forgive
your victimizer is a crucial part of your healing.
Without forgiveness, healing will always be incomplete (read "The Awakening" and also see Guilt page).
More on forgiveness
Also see How To Forgive
Also see the Seminars-Workshops page - for seminars and Lectures on "Forgiveness"
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(1985 – rev: Jan-2009)
More on forgiveness
Also see How To Forgive
Also see the Seminars-Workshops page - for seminars and Lectures on "Forgiveness"
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(1985 – rev: Jan-2009)
| Forgiveness - the Power That Heals: Forgive - Forgiving |
Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another.
You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by
it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your
shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk.
It's your move. ~Padre Klaas+
You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by
it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your
shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk.
It's your move. ~Padre Klaas+
Only when you forgive can we remove the hurt and let healing
power flow in. The most common response to being hurt is
anger, bitterness and hatred. But all that emotion that we
carry around inside you doesn't affect the person you are
angry with, or whom you have come to hate.
It only hurts you, even more than the original hurt.
It festers and grows, prevents happiness and joy, and will
affect your health.
That anger, bitterness and hatred have to go, for your own
sake.
First you need to confront those feelings. This may be a
difficult step for many, since it is not easy to admit that you
harbour such feelings. Generally you will have hidden the full
fury from yourself, and then it rages on internally totally
beyond your control.
Confronting it (facing it) removes it from the hidden depths to
the daylight where you can look at it and control it. Once you
accomplish that step, you can then in your mind at least, say to
the person, "You've hurt me".
When that step is done you can let go of all of that
destructive emotion. When you forgive, you let go of the past.
This does not mean you have to pretend that something never
happened: it did. But by letting go, you are changing its impact
and effect on you – taking away its control over you, and your
life. In a way, you "forget", yet it is not good to forget too
soon, for that might very well be a subtle way of burying the
event in your memory to resume its festering process.
power flow in. The most common response to being hurt is
anger, bitterness and hatred. But all that emotion that we
carry around inside you doesn't affect the person you are
angry with, or whom you have come to hate.
It only hurts you, even more than the original hurt.
It festers and grows, prevents happiness and joy, and will
affect your health.
That anger, bitterness and hatred have to go, for your own
sake.
First you need to confront those feelings. This may be a
difficult step for many, since it is not easy to admit that you
harbour such feelings. Generally you will have hidden the full
fury from yourself, and then it rages on internally totally
beyond your control.
Confronting it (facing it) removes it from the hidden depths to
the daylight where you can look at it and control it. Once you
accomplish that step, you can then in your mind at least, say to
the person, "You've hurt me".
When that step is done you can let go of all of that
destructive emotion. When you forgive, you let go of the past.
This does not mean you have to pretend that something never
happened: it did. But by letting go, you are changing its impact
and effect on you – taking away its control over you, and your
life. In a way, you "forget", yet it is not good to forget too
soon, for that might very well be a subtle way of burying the
event in your memory to resume its festering process.
Forgiveness . . . so misunderstood . . .
Forgiveness - is the power that heals: to forgive others and yourself is an empowering act! It requires that
you sort out for yourself what you are really doing – and what you are not doing.
The Effects Of Not Forgiving is Excessive Inhibition:
Holding onto hurts brings fixation:
Forgiveness - is the power that heals: to forgive others and yourself is an empowering act! It requires that
you sort out for yourself what you are really doing – and what you are not doing.
- Forgiveness is not letting the other person "off"
- Forgiveness is letting yourself "off" - to end inner bitterness and ongoing hurt and pain
The Effects Of Not Forgiving is Excessive Inhibition:
- By hanging onto your hurts, and inhibiting yourself, you produce deadness; numbing whole areas of the
body; inhibiting breathing, movement, the flow of energy.
Holding onto hurts brings fixation:
- stunting growth; creating in you the experience of being blocked off;
| "As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind." ~Isabelle Holland |
Forgiveness, or forgiving someone, is often seen as weakness. A long
time of involvement with people has convinced me that this view is
wrong: it is an act of courage and strength.
Another thing people tend to forget is that it is as important to
forgive yourself as it is to forgive others. To forgive yourself is not
a way to escape responsibility - it is a way to move on - to learn from
the experience, and then let go of it.
When we forgive, we heal ourselves, and sometimes others. Most
important of all, perhaps, is the fact that sometimes in order for us
to be able to forgive someone else for their transgression, we have
to forgive ourselves for our own first.
time of involvement with people has convinced me that this view is
wrong: it is an act of courage and strength.
Another thing people tend to forget is that it is as important to
forgive yourself as it is to forgive others. To forgive yourself is not
a way to escape responsibility - it is a way to move on - to learn from
the experience, and then let go of it.
When we forgive, we heal ourselves, and sometimes others. Most
important of all, perhaps, is the fact that sometimes in order for us
to be able to forgive someone else for their transgression, we have
to forgive ourselves for our own first.
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a Dawn Cove Abbey Resource
To round it all out, Dawn Cove Abbey provides personal guidance for growth, information
files that exist on this website - the information is free and available to all.
I sincerely hope that you take the Less Travelled Road
and that it brings awakening and healing to you.
files that exist on this website - the information is free and available to all.
I sincerely hope that you take the Less Travelled Road
and that it brings awakening and healing to you.
If you have questions, comments or suggestions, please email. I'll be happy to hear from you.
| The Dawn Cove Abbey Tradition: Helping People Rediscover Themselves Established in 1995, in commemoration of Abbey Dawn in Kingston, Ontario. |
| If you are ready to make the change / transition to seriously begin your healing journey, please call, write or email without obligation (and strictly confidential) We can help: to contact us, please see Contact-Us _____________________________________________________________________ |
Forgiveness, however, is a problem for many people simply
because they are not clear about what forgiveness really is.
All too often forgiveness gets confused with reconciliation.
Reconciliation is a separate step from forgiveness.
It may be a component of a larger process - but forgiveness is
but one part. And at this point we are speaking only of
forgiveness; not reconciliation.
Forgiveness is hard work, very hard, and it is so tempting at
times to avoid it; which is self-defeating. If you remind
yourself that you are doing it for yourself, not the other
person, it is easier to do the necessary inner work.
because they are not clear about what forgiveness really is.
All too often forgiveness gets confused with reconciliation.
Reconciliation is a separate step from forgiveness.
It may be a component of a larger process - but forgiveness is
but one part. And at this point we are speaking only of
forgiveness; not reconciliation.
Forgiveness is hard work, very hard, and it is so tempting at
times to avoid it; which is self-defeating. If you remind
yourself that you are doing it for yourself, not the other
person, it is easier to do the necessary inner work.
Healing
outreach
around
the world
outreach
around
the world
Only when you have fully confronted (faced) it, and come to understand it: forgive, let go, and then forget – but
remember the lesson. Forget in this sense means to move it from the forefront to the back of your mind into the
garbage can of other relatively “unimportant” memories.
Since emotions are powerful aspects of our being, they can trick you into a false sense of security as easily as they
can lead you to fear or hate. Forgiving is seldom a one-time thing. In many cases you have to continue working at it,
for if you don't, sometimes when you least expect it, the destructive feelings over some past hurt you thought
you'd forgiven and forgotten return to start their negative process again.
Bitterness and hate are difficult to eradicate. You may have to repeat the process several times to finally get rid
of them; and the deeper the hurt, the longer it may take. But as you persevere, over time it will begin to happen.
remember the lesson. Forget in this sense means to move it from the forefront to the back of your mind into the
garbage can of other relatively “unimportant” memories.
Since emotions are powerful aspects of our being, they can trick you into a false sense of security as easily as they
can lead you to fear or hate. Forgiving is seldom a one-time thing. In many cases you have to continue working at it,
for if you don't, sometimes when you least expect it, the destructive feelings over some past hurt you thought
you'd forgiven and forgotten return to start their negative process again.
Bitterness and hate are difficult to eradicate. You may have to repeat the process several times to finally get rid
of them; and the deeper the hurt, the longer it may take. But as you persevere, over time it will begin to happen.
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| Dysfunctional Family / Life Effects: Resources |
| Adult Child - Survivor Resource Section |
| Healthy-Functional Resource Section |
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| Suggested Additional Reading |
| Dawn Cove Abbey Information and Support Resources |
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| People who really want to heal, will find a way; those who don't will find an excuse. |
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