Reflections on Forgiveness:
Forgiveness - the power that heals!
To forgive others and yourself is an empowering act: an act that is much misunderstood.
Forgiveness (a process) towards personal growth and expanding your human potential.
Forgiveness - the power that heals!
To forgive others and yourself is an empowering act: an act that is much misunderstood.
Forgiveness (a process) towards personal growth and expanding your human potential.
Where Are You on the Path
toward Peace and Healing?
Forgiveness is a healing journey for both body and soul. You usually know in your heart
that you want or need to forgive someone; but by now you also know that the path
toward peace can be difficult.
To move forward, it often helps to have an accurate sense of where you are right now.
Anyone who has ever been victimized must decide whether or not to forgive the
perpetrator.
There can be no middle ground to this decision: either you decide to forgive the person
who hurt you; or you hold on to bitterness and anger.
Holding on to bitterness and anger causes problems of their own. If you have ever been
victimized, being able to forgive your victimizer is a crucial part of your healing.
toward Peace and Healing?
Forgiveness is a healing journey for both body and soul. You usually know in your heart
that you want or need to forgive someone; but by now you also know that the path
toward peace can be difficult.
To move forward, it often helps to have an accurate sense of where you are right now.
Anyone who has ever been victimized must decide whether or not to forgive the
perpetrator.
There can be no middle ground to this decision: either you decide to forgive the person
who hurt you; or you hold on to bitterness and anger.
Holding on to bitterness and anger causes problems of their own. If you have ever been
victimized, being able to forgive your victimizer is a crucial part of your healing.
Without forgiveness, healing will always be incomplete (read "The Awakening" and also see Guilt page).
More on forgiveness
Also see How To Forgive
Also see the Seminars-Workshops page - for seminars and Lectures on "Forgiveness"
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(1985 – rev: Jan-2010)
More on forgiveness
Also see How To Forgive
Also see the Seminars-Workshops page - for seminars and Lectures on "Forgiveness"
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(1985 – rev: Jan-2010)
| Forgiveness - the Power That Heals: Forgive - Forgiving |
Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another.
You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by
it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your
shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk.
You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by
it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your
shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk.
Only when you forgive can we remove the hurt and let healing
power flow in. The most common response to being hurt is
anger, bitterness and hatred.
But all that emotion that we carry around inside you doesn't
affect the person you are angry with,
or whom you have come to hate.
It only hurts you, even more than the original hurt.
It festers and grows, prevents happiness and joy, and will
affect your health.
That anger, bitterness and hatred have to go, for your own sake.
power flow in. The most common response to being hurt is
anger, bitterness and hatred.
But all that emotion that we carry around inside you doesn't
affect the person you are angry with,
or whom you have come to hate.
It only hurts you, even more than the original hurt.
It festers and grows, prevents happiness and joy, and will
affect your health.
That anger, bitterness and hatred have to go, for your own sake.
Forgiveness . . . so misunderstood . . .
Forgiveness - is the power that heals: to forgive others and yourself is an empowering act! It requires that
you sort out for yourself what you are really doing – and what you are not doing.
The Effects Of Not Forgiving is Excessive Inhibition:
Holding onto hurts brings fixation:
Forgiveness - is the power that heals: to forgive others and yourself is an empowering act! It requires that
you sort out for yourself what you are really doing – and what you are not doing.
- Forgiveness is not letting the other person "off"
- Forgiveness is letting yourself "off" - to end inner bitterness and ongoing hurt and pain
The Effects Of Not Forgiving is Excessive Inhibition:
- By hanging onto your hurts, and inhibiting yourself, you produce deadness; numbing whole areas of the
body; inhibiting breathing, movement, the flow of energy.
Holding onto hurts brings fixation:
- stunting growth; creating in you the experience of being blocked off;
| "As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind." ~Isabelle Holland |
Forgiveness, or forgiving someone, is often seen as weakness. A long time of
involvement with people has convinced me that this view is wrong: it is an act
of courage and strength.
Another thing people tend to forget is that it is as important to forgive
yourself as it is to forgive others. To forgive yourself is not a way to escape
responsibility - it is a way to move on - to learn from the experience, and
then let go of it.
When we forgive, we heal ourselves, and sometimes others. Most important
of all, perhaps, is the fact that sometimes in order for us to be able to
forgive someone else for their transgression, we have to forgive ourselves
for our own first.
involvement with people has convinced me that this view is wrong: it is an act
of courage and strength.
Another thing people tend to forget is that it is as important to forgive
yourself as it is to forgive others. To forgive yourself is not a way to escape
responsibility - it is a way to move on - to learn from the experience, and
then let go of it.
When we forgive, we heal ourselves, and sometimes others. Most important
of all, perhaps, is the fact that sometimes in order for us to be able to
forgive someone else for their transgression, we have to forgive ourselves
for our own first.
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If you have questions, comments or suggestions, please email. I'll be happy to hear from you.
| The Dawn Cove Abbey Tradition: Helping People Rediscover Themselves Established in 1995, in commemoration of Abbey Dawn in Kingston, Ontario. |
Forgiveness, however, is a problem for many people simply
because they are not clear about what forgiveness really is.
All too often forgiveness gets confused with reconciliation.
Reconciliation is a separate step from forgiveness.
It may be a component of a larger process - but forgiveness is
but one part. And at this point we are speaking only of
forgiveness; not reconciliation.
Forgiveness is hard work, very hard, and it is so tempting at
times to avoid it; which is self-defeating. If you remind
yourself that you are doing it for yourself, not the other
person, it is easier to do the necessary inner work.
because they are not clear about what forgiveness really is.
All too often forgiveness gets confused with reconciliation.
Reconciliation is a separate step from forgiveness.
It may be a component of a larger process - but forgiveness is
but one part. And at this point we are speaking only of
forgiveness; not reconciliation.
Forgiveness is hard work, very hard, and it is so tempting at
times to avoid it; which is self-defeating. If you remind
yourself that you are doing it for yourself, not the other
person, it is easier to do the necessary inner work.
Healing
outreach
around
the world
outreach
around
the world
Only when you have fully confronted (faced) it, and come to understand it: forgive, let go, and then forget –
but remember the lesson. Forget in this sense means to move it from the forefront to the back of your
mind into the garbage can of other relatively “unimportant” memories.
Since emotions are powerful aspects of our being, they can trick you into a false sense of security as easily
as they can lead you to fear or hate. Forgiving is seldom a one-time thing. In many cases you have to
continue working at it, for if you don't, sometimes when you least expect it, the destructive feelings over
some past hurt you thought you'd forgiven and forgotten return to start their negative process again.
Bitterness and hate are difficult to eradicate. You may have to repeat the process several times to finally
get rid of them; and the deeper the hurt, the longer it may take. But as you persevere, over time it will
begin to happen.
but remember the lesson. Forget in this sense means to move it from the forefront to the back of your
mind into the garbage can of other relatively “unimportant” memories.
Since emotions are powerful aspects of our being, they can trick you into a false sense of security as easily
as they can lead you to fear or hate. Forgiving is seldom a one-time thing. In many cases you have to
continue working at it, for if you don't, sometimes when you least expect it, the destructive feelings over
some past hurt you thought you'd forgiven and forgotten return to start their negative process again.
Bitterness and hate are difficult to eradicate. You may have to repeat the process several times to finally
get rid of them; and the deeper the hurt, the longer it may take. But as you persevere, over time it will
begin to happen.
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Dawn Cove Abbey Transformational Outreach: Resource
| People who really want to heal, will find a way; those who don't, will find an excuse. |
First you need to confront those feelings. This may be a difficult step for many, since it is not easy to
admit that you harbour such feelings. Generally you will have hidden the full fury from yourself, and then
it rages on internally totally beyond your control.
Confronting it (facing it) removes it from the hidden depths to the daylight where you can look at it and
control it.
Once you accomplish that step, you can then in your mind at least, say to the person, "You've hurt me".
When that step is done you can let go of all of that destructive emotion. When you forgive, you let go of
the past.
This does not mean you have to pretend that something never happened: it did. But by letting go, you are
changing its impact and effect on you – taking away its control over you, and your life. In a way, you
"forget", yet it is not good to forget too soon, for that might very well be a subtle way of burying the
event in your memory to resume its festering process.
admit that you harbour such feelings. Generally you will have hidden the full fury from yourself, and then
it rages on internally totally beyond your control.
Confronting it (facing it) removes it from the hidden depths to the daylight where you can look at it and
control it.
Once you accomplish that step, you can then in your mind at least, say to the person, "You've hurt me".
When that step is done you can let go of all of that destructive emotion. When you forgive, you let go of
the past.
This does not mean you have to pretend that something never happened: it did. But by letting go, you are
changing its impact and effect on you – taking away its control over you, and your life. In a way, you
"forget", yet it is not good to forget too soon, for that might very well be a subtle way of burying the
event in your memory to resume its festering process.
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NOTE: For Recovering/Healing from a dysfunctional family, coping with or overcoming a dysfunctional
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Related topics: Abuse & Violence, Children-Roles, Codependency & Male-Female Equality, Lifeskills or Building Trust
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