Equality of Men & Women
An exploratory introduction:
Male/Female - Nature/Nurture Anima/Animus
This discussion is a culturally-based: beliefs, practices and standards differ widely across
cultures and communities. It's an open discussion which can include you: please send me your
views, thoughts and suggestions.
Thus there is a danger in comparing one's own situation to someone else's if one doesn't
understand this crucial point.
For a more detailed discussion on this, see "Glossary".
Equality: both men and women should enjoy, and receive, equality of personhood: equality of
dignity, mutual respect, harmony, complementarity,
and if they are in a committed relationship;
a unified destiny.
While they may be "hard-wired" differently
- the effects of that on actual daily life are still hotly disputed - see below.
An exploratory introduction:
Male/Female - Nature/Nurture Anima/Animus
This discussion is a culturally-based: beliefs, practices and standards differ widely across
cultures and communities. It's an open discussion which can include you: please send me your
views, thoughts and suggestions.
Thus there is a danger in comparing one's own situation to someone else's if one doesn't
understand this crucial point.
For a more detailed discussion on this, see "Glossary".
Equality: both men and women should enjoy, and receive, equality of personhood: equality of
dignity, mutual respect, harmony, complementarity,
and if they are in a committed relationship;
a unified destiny.
While they may be "hard-wired" differently
- the effects of that on actual daily life are still hotly disputed - see below.
Of course, there are differences between males and females
- but this is reduced to being primarily biological.
Biology doesn't dictate "better" or "lesser".
It just means: difference. How the biology affects human conduct and behaviour is the source of an
ongoing debate - one that has yet to be resolved.
Regardless of biological differences - the main point is, there is an equality of personhood that must
be regarded as the most important criteria.
Within the equality of personhood and the equality there are some special responsibilities that a man
has because he is man, and that woman has because she is woman.
- but this is reduced to being primarily biological.
Biology doesn't dictate "better" or "lesser".
It just means: difference. How the biology affects human conduct and behaviour is the source of an
ongoing debate - one that has yet to be resolved.
Regardless of biological differences - the main point is, there is an equality of personhood that must
be regarded as the most important criteria.
Within the equality of personhood and the equality there are some special responsibilities that a man
has because he is man, and that woman has because she is woman.
There is an equality of harmony: meaning that there has to be peaceful cooperation between men and
women. We should find ways to smooth the path of our relationships.
That way, teamwork, rapport, mutual helpfulness and joy result
There is and equality of complementarity. This is somewhat like saying that our relationships should not
be merely the sound of singing in unison as in music.
Instead, it can only be the integrated sound of the various voices, whether soprano and bass, alto and
tenor. That way, the differences of male and female are respected, affirmed and valued. It also ensures
that males and females won't try to duplicate each other; instead, an opportunity to highlight each other's
unique qualities exists that allows mutual enrichment.
There is an equality of fairness; an equality of being treated on the basis of merit, rather than gender;
and an equality of being acknowledged and respnded to - again, as a unique individual and not because of
gender.
There is no room for, or need for, the essences of twisted, dysfunctional maleness and femaleness that
is a self-aggrandizing effort to subdue and control and exploit the other for their own private desires.
Instead of exploiting each other's differences and weakness, the focus is on mutual support and
enrichment.
There are several examples on this site, of what happens to those who are unsuccessful: Dysfunctional
Families/Relationships, Codependency, or Comparing Healthy-Unhealthy Relationships. You may also wish to
read "The Rules For Being Human".
Generally, men have more brute strength than women, and many abuse that strength by trying to
dominate women (and children) through violence and abuse - and look to be "waited on hand-and-foot".
But this is also true of many women. Women might have as much brute strength as men they have their
way to try dominance.
Instead, they often tend to use words, and where her words fail her, she knows the other weaknesses to
capitalize on.
Neither of these so-called "gender" behaviours is good, desirable, adaptive, healthy or functional.
Many men and women have been raised without a positive vision of what it means to be male or female.
They have been told (and all too often, seen) many negative things: things humans ought not to be, things
humans are to be liberated from.
women. We should find ways to smooth the path of our relationships.
That way, teamwork, rapport, mutual helpfulness and joy result
There is and equality of complementarity. This is somewhat like saying that our relationships should not
be merely the sound of singing in unison as in music.
Instead, it can only be the integrated sound of the various voices, whether soprano and bass, alto and
tenor. That way, the differences of male and female are respected, affirmed and valued. It also ensures
that males and females won't try to duplicate each other; instead, an opportunity to highlight each other's
unique qualities exists that allows mutual enrichment.
There is an equality of fairness; an equality of being treated on the basis of merit, rather than gender;
and an equality of being acknowledged and respnded to - again, as a unique individual and not because of
gender.
There is no room for, or need for, the essences of twisted, dysfunctional maleness and femaleness that
is a self-aggrandizing effort to subdue and control and exploit the other for their own private desires.
Instead of exploiting each other's differences and weakness, the focus is on mutual support and
enrichment.
There are several examples on this site, of what happens to those who are unsuccessful: Dysfunctional
Families/Relationships, Codependency, or Comparing Healthy-Unhealthy Relationships. You may also wish to
read "The Rules For Being Human".
Generally, men have more brute strength than women, and many abuse that strength by trying to
dominate women (and children) through violence and abuse - and look to be "waited on hand-and-foot".
But this is also true of many women. Women might have as much brute strength as men they have their
way to try dominance.
Instead, they often tend to use words, and where her words fail her, she knows the other weaknesses to
capitalize on.
Neither of these so-called "gender" behaviours is good, desirable, adaptive, healthy or functional.
Many men and women have been raised without a positive vision of what it means to be male or female.
They have been told (and all too often, seen) many negative things: things humans ought not to be, things
humans are to be liberated from.
Liberation (and enlightenment) means that manhood does not consist of sexual exploitation: that a man is
not just characterized by cool, rational unemotionalism.
Nor is maleness only the ruthless task-oriented drive to conquer. Conversely, womanhood is not boring
domesticity, nor homebound motherhood. Femaleness is not just some mindless emotionalism, nor passive
sexual compliance.
Now that we have seen what manhood and womanhood is NOT, and what it IS, what are we left with in our
society? The main thing is a big void of confusion about who and what they are: frustrating, guilt-producing,
destructive, dysfunctional confusion.
Many couples have a clear vision of what it means to be a husband and a wife (or committed partners).
That confusion has a profound effect on the stability of marriage/relationships and the way the children
will be prepared for life as male and female.
That confusion ends when both partners gain insight and clarity with regard to the other's uniqueness and
of their relationship as completely singular in terms of what will help it survive or not, in short, come to
understand and accept each other.
There are advocates who insist that relationships should be fair, and that there is some standard to which
all relationships should be compared to.
To clarify what that means, or doesn't mean, it would be helpful to regard Camilia Paglia's work (books):
they highlight the reality that there is nothing tidy about intimacy, that love is driven by irrational,
uncontrollable, often self defeating urges and very different agendas depending on one's gender. (See,
for example Paglia, Vamps and Tramps).
Sexual equality may be possible - but not extremely likely according to Paglia.
She indicates that the belief that when "equality" is achieved it will result in complete ease in
relationships. Impossible, she says.
And this is due, she goes on, because men and women are vastly different and their differences, though
creating an often chaotic world for one and other, are what passion is all about (see more on
sexual/emotional differences below).
Relationships are never completely balanced: there is always some degree of hierarchy. Actually,
relationships function often on many hierarchies simultaneously, and balances shift during the course of
relationships, often many times. The "raw material" which makes up one relationship is completely
different from any other, and gauging balance against other relationships, or the ideal of complete equity
in all regards is futile, impossible.
Paglia says, "(those who) see every hierarchy as repressive, are practicing a social fiction that rejects
contingency, that is, human limitation by nature or fate (3, Sexual Personae)."
Caring is good. Some people care more than others, and caring often endures despite inequity. Thankfully,
we live in a world in which caring can shower itself on the good, bad and ugly. Sometimes this results in
imbalance.
Imbalance is not necessarily bad, and to regard it that way would require us to consider the most
altruistic individuals in history as flawed. A mind-set result that examines many caring behaviours, and the
possibility that some many need modification while others may not.
This attitudinal/behavioural approach can be applied to almost any situation where disagreement, tension,
hurt, discord, lack of harmony and other problems exist - by either gender (or both genders, depending on
the circumstances).
not just characterized by cool, rational unemotionalism.
Nor is maleness only the ruthless task-oriented drive to conquer. Conversely, womanhood is not boring
domesticity, nor homebound motherhood. Femaleness is not just some mindless emotionalism, nor passive
sexual compliance.
Now that we have seen what manhood and womanhood is NOT, and what it IS, what are we left with in our
society? The main thing is a big void of confusion about who and what they are: frustrating, guilt-producing,
destructive, dysfunctional confusion.
Many couples have a clear vision of what it means to be a husband and a wife (or committed partners).
That confusion has a profound effect on the stability of marriage/relationships and the way the children
will be prepared for life as male and female.
That confusion ends when both partners gain insight and clarity with regard to the other's uniqueness and
of their relationship as completely singular in terms of what will help it survive or not, in short, come to
understand and accept each other.
There are advocates who insist that relationships should be fair, and that there is some standard to which
all relationships should be compared to.
To clarify what that means, or doesn't mean, it would be helpful to regard Camilia Paglia's work (books):
they highlight the reality that there is nothing tidy about intimacy, that love is driven by irrational,
uncontrollable, often self defeating urges and very different agendas depending on one's gender. (See,
for example Paglia, Vamps and Tramps).
Sexual equality may be possible - but not extremely likely according to Paglia.
She indicates that the belief that when "equality" is achieved it will result in complete ease in
relationships. Impossible, she says.
And this is due, she goes on, because men and women are vastly different and their differences, though
creating an often chaotic world for one and other, are what passion is all about (see more on
sexual/emotional differences below).
Relationships are never completely balanced: there is always some degree of hierarchy. Actually,
relationships function often on many hierarchies simultaneously, and balances shift during the course of
relationships, often many times. The "raw material" which makes up one relationship is completely
different from any other, and gauging balance against other relationships, or the ideal of complete equity
in all regards is futile, impossible.
Paglia says, "(those who) see every hierarchy as repressive, are practicing a social fiction that rejects
contingency, that is, human limitation by nature or fate (3, Sexual Personae)."
Caring is good. Some people care more than others, and caring often endures despite inequity. Thankfully,
we live in a world in which caring can shower itself on the good, bad and ugly. Sometimes this results in
imbalance.
Imbalance is not necessarily bad, and to regard it that way would require us to consider the most
altruistic individuals in history as flawed. A mind-set result that examines many caring behaviours, and the
possibility that some many need modification while others may not.
This attitudinal/behavioural approach can be applied to almost any situation where disagreement, tension,
hurt, discord, lack of harmony and other problems exist - by either gender (or both genders, depending on
the circumstances).
Nature/Nurture: There has been no intent to ignore biological differences. Instead, the focus has been
on the cultural (learned) one. The "nature-nurture" controversy and debate is still going strongly.
It is not likely to be settled for a long time: however, there is some consensus that at best we can say
that human (both male and female) are a blend of inherent, biological and perhaps inherited
characteristics, AND cultural (learned) ones.
In the context and spirit of this article, the best we can say is, that the blend will be different for each
individual: for example:
Emotional Differences between female/Male: that there are differences goes without saying. Whether
the emotions themselves are different between the genders is open to question: perhaps it is safest to
say that each gender has learned how to experience, and express, them differently.
When we take the time to really get to know another person, we discover a rich emotional life -
expressed uniquely learned factors (nurture) is also open to question - and the subject of an ongoing
debate.
Sexuality - Sex "drive" differences between male/female. Here too, the nature/nurture factor is
involved. First, as applying to "differences" between males and females as far as their sexuality and
their sex drives are concerned. And secondly, within relationships. People commonly speak of one or the
other having high, or low, sex drives. And these are often ascribed to inherent differences between male
and female.
Yet, in reality, there are many members of both genders who have so-called "high" sex drives, as there
are those with so-called "low" sex drives. Actually, "high-low" are relative terms: relative only to two
individuals. It is common that in many, many relationships there are differences in approach, desire etc
between the two partners.
And it is they who tend to describe those differences in terms of "high", or "low" - when instead the
focus should be on the fact that they are different, and ways of finding a mutually satisfying resolution
to the difference should be sought, rather than "blaming" or "labelling".
After all, there are many factors that impinge on sex-drive: for example, health, fatigue, stress etc - all
of which have little, or nothing, to do with maleness or femaleness.
Anima/Animus: in the midst of this "controversy", there is something else to consider. This is Carl Gustuv
Jung's concept of Anima/Animus: the male/female aspects each gender carries within. It means that a
female has a preponderance of femaleness (anima), yet at the same time has within her psyche her
opposite maleness.
Males, conversely, have a preponderance of maleness (animus), yet carry within their psyche its opposite -
the anima.
Thus, not only does nature/nurture come into play - it is also how the internal psychic balance of anima
(femaleness) and animus (maleness) are blended and harmonized. This whole concept is also related to
yin-yang, and left-brain / right-brain.
on the cultural (learned) one. The "nature-nurture" controversy and debate is still going strongly.
It is not likely to be settled for a long time: however, there is some consensus that at best we can say
that human (both male and female) are a blend of inherent, biological and perhaps inherited
characteristics, AND cultural (learned) ones.
In the context and spirit of this article, the best we can say is, that the blend will be different for each
individual: for example:
Emotional Differences between female/Male: that there are differences goes without saying. Whether
the emotions themselves are different between the genders is open to question: perhaps it is safest to
say that each gender has learned how to experience, and express, them differently.
When we take the time to really get to know another person, we discover a rich emotional life -
expressed uniquely learned factors (nurture) is also open to question - and the subject of an ongoing
debate.
Sexuality - Sex "drive" differences between male/female. Here too, the nature/nurture factor is
involved. First, as applying to "differences" between males and females as far as their sexuality and
their sex drives are concerned. And secondly, within relationships. People commonly speak of one or the
other having high, or low, sex drives. And these are often ascribed to inherent differences between male
and female.
Yet, in reality, there are many members of both genders who have so-called "high" sex drives, as there
are those with so-called "low" sex drives. Actually, "high-low" are relative terms: relative only to two
individuals. It is common that in many, many relationships there are differences in approach, desire etc
between the two partners.
And it is they who tend to describe those differences in terms of "high", or "low" - when instead the
focus should be on the fact that they are different, and ways of finding a mutually satisfying resolution
to the difference should be sought, rather than "blaming" or "labelling".
After all, there are many factors that impinge on sex-drive: for example, health, fatigue, stress etc - all
of which have little, or nothing, to do with maleness or femaleness.
Anima/Animus: in the midst of this "controversy", there is something else to consider. This is Carl Gustuv
Jung's concept of Anima/Animus: the male/female aspects each gender carries within. It means that a
female has a preponderance of femaleness (anima), yet at the same time has within her psyche her
opposite maleness.
Males, conversely, have a preponderance of maleness (animus), yet carry within their psyche its opposite -
the anima.
Thus, not only does nature/nurture come into play - it is also how the internal psychic balance of anima
(femaleness) and animus (maleness) are blended and harmonized. This whole concept is also related to
yin-yang, and left-brain / right-brain.
This is not intended to be "the" definitive work on this topic, but anything that leads to improved
understanding, points of view, acceptance and more functional behaviour and attitudes can only be good.
Please join me in dialogue on this important facet of real human life (email or snail mail).
It is an introduction that will be revised on an ongoing basis:
I think it is summed-up nicely in this tribute to the late Fritz Perls:
How We Are (a philosophy to live by)
"If I just do my thing and you do yours, We stand in danger of losing each other and ourselves.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations; but I am in this world to confirm you as
a unique human being, and to be confirmed by you.
We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other; the I detached from a Thou disintegrates.
I do not find you by chance; I find you by an active life of reaching out. Rather than passively
letting things happen to me, I can act intentionally to make them happen.
I must begin with myself, true; but I must not end with myself: the Truth begins with two".
- "Beyond Perls" (Walter Tubman)
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
2010-rev1
understanding, points of view, acceptance and more functional behaviour and attitudes can only be good.
Please join me in dialogue on this important facet of real human life (email or snail mail).
It is an introduction that will be revised on an ongoing basis:
I think it is summed-up nicely in this tribute to the late Fritz Perls:
How We Are (a philosophy to live by)
"If I just do my thing and you do yours, We stand in danger of losing each other and ourselves.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations; but I am in this world to confirm you as
a unique human being, and to be confirmed by you.
We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other; the I detached from a Thou disintegrates.
I do not find you by chance; I find you by an active life of reaching out. Rather than passively
letting things happen to me, I can act intentionally to make them happen.
I must begin with myself, true; but I must not end with myself: the Truth begins with two".
- "Beyond Perls" (Walter Tubman)
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
2010-rev1
| Equality of Personhood between Women and Men |
Male - Female (Gender) Equality - Fundamental Basics
Some Definitions and Realities we each face are:
Women are from Earth.
That's our starting point - "equal planetary residence"
2. Not all women are alike.
Some women are more evolved than other women.
3. Not all men are alike.
Some men are more evolved than other men.
4. Gender identity is the sense we have of belonging either to the male half of the human race
or the female half of the race.
5. Gender conceit is when either gender assumes that what is natural and preferred for her/his gender
is correct for both genders.
Women are from Earth.
That's our starting point - "equal planetary residence"
2. Not all women are alike.
Some women are more evolved than other women.
3. Not all men are alike.
Some men are more evolved than other men.
4. Gender identity is the sense we have of belonging either to the male half of the human race
or the female half of the race.
5. Gender conceit is when either gender assumes that what is natural and preferred for her/his gender
is correct for both genders.
 |  |  |  |  |
| Follow-up and Support Counseling to Seminars & Workshops Dawn Cove Abbey Empowerment Outreach is a registered not-for-profit business in the province of Nova Scotia, Canada |
If you have questions, comments or suggestions, please email. I'll be happy to hear from you.
| The Dawn Cove Abbey Tradition: Helping People Rediscover Themselves Established in 1995, in commemoration of Abbey Dawn in Kingston, Ontario. |
Those responsibilities exist because of their differences: differences because they are each unique
individuals.
In showing mutual respect and care there are special ways that a man shows respect to a woman,
because of who she is, and what she has accomplished: and special ways that a woman respect a man for
the same reasons.
Equality of personhood and mutuality of respect is not sameness. Yes, there is a "sameness" of
responsibilities and equal access to all responsibilities - but they remain unique, and different: full
individual - striving to fulfil their potential.
Equality is expressed differently in the way we relate to each other as man and woman, not because we
are male and female, but because of respective, unique personhoods.
individuals.
In showing mutual respect and care there are special ways that a man shows respect to a woman,
because of who she is, and what she has accomplished: and special ways that a woman respect a man for
the same reasons.
Equality of personhood and mutuality of respect is not sameness. Yes, there is a "sameness" of
responsibilities and equal access to all responsibilities - but they remain unique, and different: full
individual - striving to fulfil their potential.
Equality is expressed differently in the way we relate to each other as man and woman, not because we
are male and female, but because of respective, unique personhoods.
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And those personhoods are manifested in the two individuals in a relationship, or situation: they each have
a specialness that needs to be recognized, honoured and respected.
Equality of personhood means that a man is not less a person than a woman because he has hair on his
chest, and woman is not less a person because she has no hair on her chest.
They are equal in their personhood and those differences don't change that - in fact, they aren't relevant.
There is an equality of dignity. A dignity which requires them to be equally honoured as humans.
That honour is due to each simply because they are humans - this applies to all people in our lives: that
honour belongs to male and female equally.
There is an equality of mutual respect. And it means that both men and women should be equally diligent
in respecting and honouring each other.
Respect should never flow just one direction: they should regard each other with a kind of awe that is
tempered by the reality of who each is - and accepting them fully, "warts and all".
a specialness that needs to be recognized, honoured and respected.
Equality of personhood means that a man is not less a person than a woman because he has hair on his
chest, and woman is not less a person because she has no hair on her chest.
They are equal in their personhood and those differences don't change that - in fact, they aren't relevant.
There is an equality of dignity. A dignity which requires them to be equally honoured as humans.
That honour is due to each simply because they are humans - this applies to all people in our lives: that
honour belongs to male and female equally.
There is an equality of mutual respect. And it means that both men and women should be equally diligent
in respecting and honouring each other.
Respect should never flow just one direction: they should regard each other with a kind of awe that is
tempered by the reality of who each is - and accepting them fully, "warts and all".
| | | | |
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NOTE: For Recovering/Healing from a dysfunctional family, coping with or overcoming a dysfunctional
(alcoholic) family/relationship, help is available here - Online, distance help/counselling works!
Related topics: Abuse & Violence, Children-Roles, Codependency & Male-Female Equality, Lifeskills or Building Trust
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