Equality of Men & Women / Womyn
An exploratory introduction: (this is a dynamic page with regular revision and expansion)
Male/Female - Nature/Nurture Anima/Animus
This discussion is a culturally-based: beliefs, practices and standards differ widely across cultures and
communities.
Thus there is a danger in comparing one's own situation to someone else's if one doesn't understand this crucial
point.
For a more detailed discussion on this, see "Glossary".
Equality: both men and women should enjoy, and receive, equality of personhood: equality of dignity, mutual
respect, harmony, complementarity, and if they are in a committed relationship; a unified destiny.
While they may be "hard-wired" differently - the effects of that on actual daily life are still hotly disputed - see
below.
An exploratory introduction: (this is a dynamic page with regular revision and expansion)
Male/Female - Nature/Nurture Anima/Animus
This discussion is a culturally-based: beliefs, practices and standards differ widely across cultures and
communities.
Thus there is a danger in comparing one's own situation to someone else's if one doesn't understand this crucial
point.
For a more detailed discussion on this, see "Glossary".
Equality: both men and women should enjoy, and receive, equality of personhood: equality of dignity, mutual
respect, harmony, complementarity, and if they are in a committed relationship; a unified destiny.
While they may be "hard-wired" differently - the effects of that on actual daily life are still hotly disputed - see
below.
| Equality Wheel Click on graphic to expand. Click on BACK to return here. |
Of course, there are differences between males and females - but this is reduced to being primarily biological. Biology doesn't dicate
"better" or "lesser". It just means: difference. How the biology affects human conduct and behaviour is the soruce of an ongoing debate -
one that has yet to be resolved. Regardless of biological differences - the main point is, there is an equality of personhood that must be
regarded as the most important criteria.
Within the equality of personhood and the equality there are some special responsibilities that a man has because he is man, and that
woman has because she is woman. Those responsibilities exist because of their differences: differences because they are each unique
individuals.
In showing mutual respect and care there are special ways that a man shows respect to a woman, because of who she is, and what she has
accomplished: and special ways that a woman respect a man for the same reasons.
Equality of personhood and mutuality of respect is not sameness. Yes, there is a "sameness" of responsibilities and equal access to all
responsibilities - but they remain unique, and different: full individual - striving to fulfil their potential.
Equality is expressed differently in the way we relate to each other as man and woman, not because we are male and female, but because of
respective, unique personhoods. And those personhoods are manifested in the two individuals in a relationship, or situation: they each
have a specialness that needs to be recognized, honoured and respected.
Equality of personhood means that a man is not less a person than a woman because he has hair on his chest, and woman is not less a
person because she has no hair on her chest. They are equal in their personhood and those differences don't change that - in fact, they aren't
relevant.
There is an equality of dignity. A dignity which requires them to be equally honoured as humans. That honour is due to each simply
because they are humans - this applies to all people in our lives: that honour belongs to male and female equally.
There is an equality of mutual respect. And it means that both men and women should be equally diligent in respecting and honouring each
other. Respect should never flow just one direction: they should regard each other with a kind of awe that is tempered by the reality of
who each is - and accepting them fully, "warts and all".
"better" or "lesser". It just means: difference. How the biology affects human conduct and behaviour is the soruce of an ongoing debate -
one that has yet to be resolved. Regardless of biological differences - the main point is, there is an equality of personhood that must be
regarded as the most important criteria.
Within the equality of personhood and the equality there are some special responsibilities that a man has because he is man, and that
woman has because she is woman. Those responsibilities exist because of their differences: differences because they are each unique
individuals.
In showing mutual respect and care there are special ways that a man shows respect to a woman, because of who she is, and what she has
accomplished: and special ways that a woman respect a man for the same reasons.
Equality of personhood and mutuality of respect is not sameness. Yes, there is a "sameness" of responsibilities and equal access to all
responsibilities - but they remain unique, and different: full individual - striving to fulfil their potential.
Equality is expressed differently in the way we relate to each other as man and woman, not because we are male and female, but because of
respective, unique personhoods. And those personhoods are manifested in the two individuals in a relationship, or situation: they each
have a specialness that needs to be recognized, honoured and respected.
Equality of personhood means that a man is not less a person than a woman because he has hair on his chest, and woman is not less a
person because she has no hair on her chest. They are equal in their personhood and those differences don't change that - in fact, they aren't
relevant.
There is an equality of dignity. A dignity which requires them to be equally honoured as humans. That honour is due to each simply
because they are humans - this applies to all people in our lives: that honour belongs to male and female equally.
There is an equality of mutual respect. And it means that both men and women should be equally diligent in respecting and honouring each
other. Respect should never flow just one direction: they should regard each other with a kind of awe that is tempered by the reality of
who each is - and accepting them fully, "warts and all".
There is an equality of harmony: meaning that there has to be peaceful cooperation between men and women. We should find ways to
smooth the path of our relationships. That way, teamwork, rapport, mutual helpfulness and joy result
There is and equality of complementarity. This is somewhat like saying that our relationships should not be merely the sound of singing
in unison as in music.
Instead, it can only be the integrated sound of the various voices, whether soprano and bass, alto and tenor. That way, the differences of
male and female are respected, affirmed and valued. It also ensures that males and females won't try to duplicate each other; instead, an
opportunity to highlight each other's unique qualities exists that allows mutual enrichment.
There is an equality of fairness; an equality of being treated on the basis of merit, rather than gender; and an equality of being
acknowledged and respnded to - again, as a unique individual and not because of gender.
There is no room for, or need for, the essences of twisted, dysfunctional maleness and femaleness that is a self-aggrandizing effort to
subdue and control and exploit the other for their own private desires. Instead of exploiting each other's differences and weakness, the
focus is on mutual support and enrichment.
There are several examples on this site, of what happens to those who are unsuccessful: Dysfunctional Families/Relationships,
Codependency, or Comparing Healthy-Unhealthy Relationships. You may also wish to read "The Rules For Being Human".
Generally, men have more brute strength than women, and many abuse that strength by trying to dominate women (and children) through
violence and abuse - and look to be "waited on hand-and-foot". But this is also true of many women. Women might have as much brute
strength as men they have their way to try dominance.
Instead, they often tend to use words, and where her words fail her, she knows the other weaknesses to capitalize on. However, men can
be (and frequently are) very verbally abuse, too. Neither of these so-called "gender" behaviours is good, desirable, adaptive, healthy or
functional.
Many men and women have been raised without a positive vision of what it means to be male or female. They have been told (and all too
often, seen) many negative things: things humans ought not to be, things humans are to be liberated from.
smooth the path of our relationships. That way, teamwork, rapport, mutual helpfulness and joy result
There is and equality of complementarity. This is somewhat like saying that our relationships should not be merely the sound of singing
in unison as in music.
Instead, it can only be the integrated sound of the various voices, whether soprano and bass, alto and tenor. That way, the differences of
male and female are respected, affirmed and valued. It also ensures that males and females won't try to duplicate each other; instead, an
opportunity to highlight each other's unique qualities exists that allows mutual enrichment.
There is an equality of fairness; an equality of being treated on the basis of merit, rather than gender; and an equality of being
acknowledged and respnded to - again, as a unique individual and not because of gender.
There is no room for, or need for, the essences of twisted, dysfunctional maleness and femaleness that is a self-aggrandizing effort to
subdue and control and exploit the other for their own private desires. Instead of exploiting each other's differences and weakness, the
focus is on mutual support and enrichment.
There are several examples on this site, of what happens to those who are unsuccessful: Dysfunctional Families/Relationships,
Codependency, or Comparing Healthy-Unhealthy Relationships. You may also wish to read "The Rules For Being Human".
Generally, men have more brute strength than women, and many abuse that strength by trying to dominate women (and children) through
violence and abuse - and look to be "waited on hand-and-foot". But this is also true of many women. Women might have as much brute
strength as men they have their way to try dominance.
Instead, they often tend to use words, and where her words fail her, she knows the other weaknesses to capitalize on. However, men can
be (and frequently are) very verbally abuse, too. Neither of these so-called "gender" behaviours is good, desirable, adaptive, healthy or
functional.
Many men and women have been raised without a positive vision of what it means to be male or female. They have been told (and all too
often, seen) many negative things: things humans ought not to be, things humans are to be liberated from.
Liberation (and enlightenment) means that manhood does not consist of sexual exploitation: that a man is not just characterized by cool,
rational unemotionalism. Nor is maleness only the ruthless task-oriented drive to conquer. Conversely, womanhood is not boring
domesticity, nor homebound motherhood. Femaleness is not just some mindless emotionalism, nor passive sexual compliance.
Now that we have seen what manhood and womanhood is NOT, and what it IS, what are we left with in our society? The main thing is
a big void of confusion about who and what they are: frustrating, guilt-producing, destructive, dysfunctional confusion.
Many couples have a clear vision of what it means to be a husband and a wife (or committed partners). That confusion has a profound
effect on the stability of marriage/relationships and the way the children will be prepared for life as male and female.
That confusion ends when both partners gain insight and clarity with regard to the other's uniqueness and of their relationship as
completely singular in terms of what will help it survive or not, in short, come to understand and accept each other.
There are advocates who insist that relationships should be fair, and that there is some standard to which all relationships should be
compared to.
To clarify what that means, or doesn't mean, it would be helpful to regard Camilia Paglia's work (books): they highlight the reality that
there is nothing tidy about intimacy, that love is driven by irrational, uncontrollable, often self defeating urges and very different agendas
depending on one's gender. (See, for example Paglia, Vamps and Tramps).
Sexual equality may be possible - but not extremely likely according to Paglia. She indicates that the belief that when "equality" is
achieved it will result in complete ease in relationships. Impossible, she says.
And this is due, she goes on, because men and women are vastly different and their differences, though creating an often chaotic world
for one and other, are what passion is all about (see more on sexual/emotional differences below).
Relationships are never completely balanced: there is always some degree of hierarchy. Actually, relationships function often on many
hierarchies simultaneously, and balances shift during the course of relationships, often many times. The "raw material" which makes up
one relationship is completely different from any other, and gauging balance against other relationships, or the ideal of complete equity
in all regards is futile, impossible.
Paglia says, "(those who) see every hierarchy as repressive, are practicing a social fiction that rejects contingency, that is, human
limitation by nature or fate (3, Sexual Personae)."
Caring is good. Some people care more than others, and caring often endures despite inequity. Thankfully, we live in a world in which
caring can shower itself on the good, bad and ugly. Sometimes this results in imbalance.
Imbalance is not necessarily bad, and to regard it that way would require us to consider the most altruistic individuals in history as
flawed. A mind-set result that examines many caring behaviours, and the possibility that some many need modification while others may
not.
This attitudinal/behavioural approach can be applied to almost any situation where disagreement, tension, hurt, discord, lack of harmony
and other problems exist - by either gender (or both genders, depending on the circumstances).
rational unemotionalism. Nor is maleness only the ruthless task-oriented drive to conquer. Conversely, womanhood is not boring
domesticity, nor homebound motherhood. Femaleness is not just some mindless emotionalism, nor passive sexual compliance.
Now that we have seen what manhood and womanhood is NOT, and what it IS, what are we left with in our society? The main thing is
a big void of confusion about who and what they are: frustrating, guilt-producing, destructive, dysfunctional confusion.
Many couples have a clear vision of what it means to be a husband and a wife (or committed partners). That confusion has a profound
effect on the stability of marriage/relationships and the way the children will be prepared for life as male and female.
That confusion ends when both partners gain insight and clarity with regard to the other's uniqueness and of their relationship as
completely singular in terms of what will help it survive or not, in short, come to understand and accept each other.
There are advocates who insist that relationships should be fair, and that there is some standard to which all relationships should be
compared to.
To clarify what that means, or doesn't mean, it would be helpful to regard Camilia Paglia's work (books): they highlight the reality that
there is nothing tidy about intimacy, that love is driven by irrational, uncontrollable, often self defeating urges and very different agendas
depending on one's gender. (See, for example Paglia, Vamps and Tramps).
Sexual equality may be possible - but not extremely likely according to Paglia. She indicates that the belief that when "equality" is
achieved it will result in complete ease in relationships. Impossible, she says.
And this is due, she goes on, because men and women are vastly different and their differences, though creating an often chaotic world
for one and other, are what passion is all about (see more on sexual/emotional differences below).
Relationships are never completely balanced: there is always some degree of hierarchy. Actually, relationships function often on many
hierarchies simultaneously, and balances shift during the course of relationships, often many times. The "raw material" which makes up
one relationship is completely different from any other, and gauging balance against other relationships, or the ideal of complete equity
in all regards is futile, impossible.
Paglia says, "(those who) see every hierarchy as repressive, are practicing a social fiction that rejects contingency, that is, human
limitation by nature or fate (3, Sexual Personae)."
Caring is good. Some people care more than others, and caring often endures despite inequity. Thankfully, we live in a world in which
caring can shower itself on the good, bad and ugly. Sometimes this results in imbalance.
Imbalance is not necessarily bad, and to regard it that way would require us to consider the most altruistic individuals in history as
flawed. A mind-set result that examines many caring behaviours, and the possibility that some many need modification while others may
not.
This attitudinal/behavioural approach can be applied to almost any situation where disagreement, tension, hurt, discord, lack of harmony
and other problems exist - by either gender (or both genders, depending on the circumstances).
Nature/Nurture: There has been no intent to ignore biological differences. Instead, the focus has been on the cultural (learned) one.
The "nature-nurture" controversy and debate is still going strongly.
It is not likely to be settled for a long time: however, there is some consensus that at best we can say that human (both male and
female) are a blend of inherent, biological and perhaps inherited characteristics, AND cultural (learned) ones.
In the context and spirit of this article, the best we can say is, that the blend will be different for each individual: for example:
Emotional Differences between female/Male: that there are differences goes without saying. Whether the emotions themselves are
different between the genders is open to question: perhaps it is safest to say that each gender has learned how to experience, and
express, them differently.
When we take the time to really get to know another person, we discover a rich emotional life - expressed uniquely through that
individual: this applies to all of us. How much is due to biology (nature), and how much is due to cultural learned factors (nurture) is
also open to question - and the subject of an ongoing debate.
Sexuality - Sex "drive" differences between male/female. Here too, the nature/nurture factor is involved. First, as applying to
"differences" between males and females as far as their sexuality and their sex drives are concerned. And secondly, within relationships.
People commonly speak of one or the other having high, or low, sex drives. And these are often ascribed to inherent differences
between male and female.
Yet, in reality, there are many members of both genders who have so-called "high" sex drives, as there are those with so-called "low" sex
drives. Actually, "high-low" are relative terms: relative only to two individuals. It is common that in many, many relationships there are
differences in approach, desire etc between the two partners.
And it is they who tend to describe those differences in terms of "high", or "low" - when instead the focus should be on the fact that
they are different, and ways of finding a mutually satisfying resolution to the difference should be sought, rather than "blaming" or
"labelling".
After all, there are many factors that impinge on sex-drive: for example, health, fatigue, stress etc - all of which have little, or nothing, to
do with maleness or femaleness.
Anima/Animus: in the midst of this "controversy", there is something else to consider. This is Carl Gustuv Jung's concept of
Anima/Animus: the male/female aspects each gender carries within. It means that a female has a preponderance of femaleness (anima),
yet at the same time has within her psyche her opposite maleness.
Males, conversely, have a preponderance of maleness (animus), yet carry within their psyche its opposite - the anima.
Thus, not only does nature/nurture come into play - it is also how the internal psychic balance of anima (femaleness) and animus
(maleness) are blended and harmonized. This whole concept is also related to yin-yang, and left-brain / right-brain.
The "nature-nurture" controversy and debate is still going strongly.
It is not likely to be settled for a long time: however, there is some consensus that at best we can say that human (both male and
female) are a blend of inherent, biological and perhaps inherited characteristics, AND cultural (learned) ones.
In the context and spirit of this article, the best we can say is, that the blend will be different for each individual: for example:
Emotional Differences between female/Male: that there are differences goes without saying. Whether the emotions themselves are
different between the genders is open to question: perhaps it is safest to say that each gender has learned how to experience, and
express, them differently.
When we take the time to really get to know another person, we discover a rich emotional life - expressed uniquely through that
individual: this applies to all of us. How much is due to biology (nature), and how much is due to cultural learned factors (nurture) is
also open to question - and the subject of an ongoing debate.
Sexuality - Sex "drive" differences between male/female. Here too, the nature/nurture factor is involved. First, as applying to
"differences" between males and females as far as their sexuality and their sex drives are concerned. And secondly, within relationships.
People commonly speak of one or the other having high, or low, sex drives. And these are often ascribed to inherent differences
between male and female.
Yet, in reality, there are many members of both genders who have so-called "high" sex drives, as there are those with so-called "low" sex
drives. Actually, "high-low" are relative terms: relative only to two individuals. It is common that in many, many relationships there are
differences in approach, desire etc between the two partners.
And it is they who tend to describe those differences in terms of "high", or "low" - when instead the focus should be on the fact that
they are different, and ways of finding a mutually satisfying resolution to the difference should be sought, rather than "blaming" or
"labelling".
After all, there are many factors that impinge on sex-drive: for example, health, fatigue, stress etc - all of which have little, or nothing, to
do with maleness or femaleness.
Anima/Animus: in the midst of this "controversy", there is something else to consider. This is Carl Gustuv Jung's concept of
Anima/Animus: the male/female aspects each gender carries within. It means that a female has a preponderance of femaleness (anima),
yet at the same time has within her psyche her opposite maleness.
Males, conversely, have a preponderance of maleness (animus), yet carry within their psyche its opposite - the anima.
Thus, not only does nature/nurture come into play - it is also how the internal psychic balance of anima (femaleness) and animus
(maleness) are blended and harmonized. This whole concept is also related to yin-yang, and left-brain / right-brain.
This is not intended to be "the" definitive work on this topic, but anything that leads to improved understanding, points of view,
acceptance and more functional behaviour and attitudes can only be good. It is an introduction that will be revised on an ongoing basis.
It is summed-up nicely in this tribute to the late Fritz Perls:
How We Are (a philosophy to live by)
"If I just do my thing and you do yours, We stand in danger of losing each other and ourselves.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations; but I am in this world to confirm you as
a unique human being, and to be confirmed by you.
We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other; the I detached from a Thou disintegrates.
I do not find you by chance; I find you by an active life of reaching out. Rather than passively
letting things happen to me, I can act intentionally to make them happen.
I must begin with myself, true; but I must not end with myself: the Truth begins with two".
- "Beyond Perls" (Walter Tubman)
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
2006-2008
To contact the Abbey, CLICK.
acceptance and more functional behaviour and attitudes can only be good. It is an introduction that will be revised on an ongoing basis.
It is summed-up nicely in this tribute to the late Fritz Perls:
How We Are (a philosophy to live by)
"If I just do my thing and you do yours, We stand in danger of losing each other and ourselves.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations; but I am in this world to confirm you as
a unique human being, and to be confirmed by you.
We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other; the I detached from a Thou disintegrates.
I do not find you by chance; I find you by an active life of reaching out. Rather than passively
letting things happen to me, I can act intentionally to make them happen.
I must begin with myself, true; but I must not end with myself: the Truth begins with two".
- "Beyond Perls" (Walter Tubman)
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
2006-2008
To contact the Abbey, CLICK.
Equality of Personhood between Women and Men
Gender - Male/Female Equality - Fundamental Basics
Some Definitions and Realities we each face are:
1. Men are from Earth; Women are from Earth. That's our starting point - "equal planetary residence"
2. Not all women are alike. Some women are more evolved than other women.
3. Not all men are alike. Some men are more evolved than other men.
4. Gender identity is the sense we have of belonging either to the male half of the human race or the female half of the race.
5. Gender conceit is when either gender assumes that what is natural and preferred for her/his gender is correct for both genders.
1. Men are from Earth; Women are from Earth. That's our starting point - "equal planetary residence"
2. Not all women are alike. Some women are more evolved than other women.
3. Not all men are alike. Some men are more evolved than other men.
4. Gender identity is the sense we have of belonging either to the male half of the human race or the female half of the race.
5. Gender conceit is when either gender assumes that what is natural and preferred for her/his gender is correct for both genders.
Helping People make sense of chaotic
lives: healing & recovery
lives: healing & recovery
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