Equality of Men & Women / Womyn
An exploratory introduction:
Male/Female - Nature/Nurture Anima/Animus
This discussion is a culturally-based: beliefs, practices and
standards differ widely across cultures and communities.
It's an open discussion which can include you: please send me
your views, thoughts and suggestions.
Thus there is a danger in comparing one's own situation to
someone else's if one doesn't understand this crucial point.
For a more detailed discussion on this, see "Glossary".
Equality: both men and women should enjoy, and receive,
equality of personhood: equality of dignity, mutual respect,
harmony, complementarity,
and if they are in a committed relationship;
a unified destiny.
While they may be "hard-wired" differently
- the effects of that on actual daily life are still hotly
disputed - see below.
An exploratory introduction:
Male/Female - Nature/Nurture Anima/Animus
This discussion is a culturally-based: beliefs, practices and
standards differ widely across cultures and communities.
It's an open discussion which can include you: please send me
your views, thoughts and suggestions.
Thus there is a danger in comparing one's own situation to
someone else's if one doesn't understand this crucial point.
For a more detailed discussion on this, see "Glossary".
Equality: both men and women should enjoy, and receive,
equality of personhood: equality of dignity, mutual respect,
harmony, complementarity,
and if they are in a committed relationship;
a unified destiny.
While they may be "hard-wired" differently
- the effects of that on actual daily life are still hotly
disputed - see below.
| Equality Wheel Click on graphic to expand. Click on BACK to return here. |
Of course, there are differences between males and females
- but this is reduced to being primarily biological.
Biology doesn't dictate "better" or "lesser".
It just means: difference. How the biology affects human
conduct and behaviour is the source of an ongoing debate - one
that has yet to be resolved.
Regardless of biological differences - the main point is, there
is an equality of personhood that must be regarded as the
most important criteria.
Within the equality of personhood and the equality there are
some special responsibilities that a man has because he is man,
and that woman has because she is woman.
- but this is reduced to being primarily biological.
Biology doesn't dictate "better" or "lesser".
It just means: difference. How the biology affects human
conduct and behaviour is the source of an ongoing debate - one
that has yet to be resolved.
Regardless of biological differences - the main point is, there
is an equality of personhood that must be regarded as the
most important criteria.
Within the equality of personhood and the equality there are
some special responsibilities that a man has because he is man,
and that woman has because she is woman.
There is an equality of harmony: meaning that there has to be peaceful cooperation between men and women. We should
find ways to smooth the path of our relationships.
That way, teamwork, rapport, mutual helpfulness and joy result
There is and equality of complementarity. This is somewhat like saying that our relationships should not be merely the
sound of singing in unison as in music.
Instead, it can only be the integrated sound of the various voices, whether soprano and bass, alto and tenor. That way, the
differences of male and female are respected, affirmed and valued. It also ensures that males and females won't try to
duplicate each other; instead, an opportunity to highlight each other's unique qualities exists that allows mutual enrichment.
There is an equality of fairness; an equality of being treated on the basis of merit, rather than gender; and an equality of
being acknowledged and respnded to - again, as a unique individual and not because of gender.
There is no room for, or need for, the essences of twisted, dysfunctional maleness and femaleness that is a
self-aggrandizing effort to subdue and control and exploit the other for their own private desires. Instead of exploiting
each other's differences and weakness, the focus is on mutual support and enrichment.
There are several examples on this site, of what happens to those who are unsuccessful: Dysfunctional
Families/Relationships, Codependency, or Comparing Healthy-Unhealthy Relationships. You may also wish to read "The Rules
For Being Human".
Generally, men have more brute strength than women, and many abuse that strength by trying to dominate women (and
children) through violence and abuse - and look to be "waited on hand-and-foot".
But this is also true of many women. Women might have as much brute strength as men they have their way to try
dominance.
Instead, they often tend to use words, and where her words fail her, she knows the other weaknesses to capitalize on.
Neither of these so-called "gender" behaviours is good, desirable, adaptive, healthy or functional.
Many men and women have been raised without a positive vision of what it means to be male or female.
They have been told (and all too often, seen) many negative things: things humans ought not to be, things humans are to be
liberated from.
find ways to smooth the path of our relationships.
That way, teamwork, rapport, mutual helpfulness and joy result
There is and equality of complementarity. This is somewhat like saying that our relationships should not be merely the
sound of singing in unison as in music.
Instead, it can only be the integrated sound of the various voices, whether soprano and bass, alto and tenor. That way, the
differences of male and female are respected, affirmed and valued. It also ensures that males and females won't try to
duplicate each other; instead, an opportunity to highlight each other's unique qualities exists that allows mutual enrichment.
There is an equality of fairness; an equality of being treated on the basis of merit, rather than gender; and an equality of
being acknowledged and respnded to - again, as a unique individual and not because of gender.
There is no room for, or need for, the essences of twisted, dysfunctional maleness and femaleness that is a
self-aggrandizing effort to subdue and control and exploit the other for their own private desires. Instead of exploiting
each other's differences and weakness, the focus is on mutual support and enrichment.
There are several examples on this site, of what happens to those who are unsuccessful: Dysfunctional
Families/Relationships, Codependency, or Comparing Healthy-Unhealthy Relationships. You may also wish to read "The Rules
For Being Human".
Generally, men have more brute strength than women, and many abuse that strength by trying to dominate women (and
children) through violence and abuse - and look to be "waited on hand-and-foot".
But this is also true of many women. Women might have as much brute strength as men they have their way to try
dominance.
Instead, they often tend to use words, and where her words fail her, she knows the other weaknesses to capitalize on.
Neither of these so-called "gender" behaviours is good, desirable, adaptive, healthy or functional.
Many men and women have been raised without a positive vision of what it means to be male or female.
They have been told (and all too often, seen) many negative things: things humans ought not to be, things humans are to be
liberated from.
Liberation (and enlightenment) means that manhood does not consist of sexual exploitation: that a man is not just
characterized by cool, rational unemotionalism.
Nor is maleness only the ruthless task-oriented drive to conquer. Conversely, womanhood is not boring domesticity, nor
homebound motherhood. Femaleness is not just some mindless emotionalism, nor passive sexual compliance.
Now that we have seen what manhood and womanhood is NOT, and what it IS, what are we left with in our society? The
main thing is a big void of confusion about who and what they are: frustrating, guilt-producing, destructive, dysfunctional
confusion.
Many couples have a clear vision of what it means to be a husband and a wife (or committed partners). That confusion has
a profound effect on the stability of marriage/relationships and the way the children will be prepared for life as male and
female.
That confusion ends when both partners gain insight and clarity with regard to the other's uniqueness and of their
relationship as completely singular in terms of what will help it survive or not, in short, come to understand and accept
each other.
There are advocates who insist that relationships should be fair, and that there is some standard to which all
relationships should be compared to.
To clarify what that means, or doesn't mean, it would be helpful to regard Camilia Paglia's work (books): they highlight the
reality that there is nothing tidy about intimacy, that love is driven by irrational, uncontrollable, often self defeating
urges and very different agendas depending on one's gender. (See, for example Paglia, Vamps and Tramps).
Sexual equality may be possible - but not extremely likely according to Paglia.
She indicates that the belief that when "equality" is achieved it will result in complete ease in relationships. Impossible,
she says.
And this is due, she goes on, because men and women are vastly different and their differences, though creating an often
chaotic world for one and other, are what passion is all about (see more on sexual/emotional differences below).
Relationships are never completely balanced: there is always some degree of hierarchy. Actually, relationships function
often on many hierarchies simultaneously, and balances shift during the course of relationships, often many times. The
"raw material" which makes up one relationship is completely different from any other, and gauging balance against other
relationships, or the ideal of complete equity in all regards is futile, impossible.
Paglia says, "(those who) see every hierarchy as repressive, are practicing a social fiction that rejects contingency, that
is, human limitation by nature or fate (3, Sexual Personae)."
Caring is good. Some people care more than others, and caring often endures despite inequity. Thankfully, we live in a
world in which caring can shower itself on the good, bad and ugly. Sometimes this results in imbalance.
Imbalance is not necessarily bad, and to regard it that way would require us to consider the most altruistic individuals in
history as flawed. A mind-set result that examines many caring behaviours, and the possibility that some many need
modification while others may not.
This attitudinal/behavioural approach can be applied to almost any situation where disagreement, tension, hurt, discord,
lack of harmony and other problems exist - by either gender (or both genders, depending on the circumstances).
characterized by cool, rational unemotionalism.
Nor is maleness only the ruthless task-oriented drive to conquer. Conversely, womanhood is not boring domesticity, nor
homebound motherhood. Femaleness is not just some mindless emotionalism, nor passive sexual compliance.
Now that we have seen what manhood and womanhood is NOT, and what it IS, what are we left with in our society? The
main thing is a big void of confusion about who and what they are: frustrating, guilt-producing, destructive, dysfunctional
confusion.
Many couples have a clear vision of what it means to be a husband and a wife (or committed partners). That confusion has
a profound effect on the stability of marriage/relationships and the way the children will be prepared for life as male and
female.
That confusion ends when both partners gain insight and clarity with regard to the other's uniqueness and of their
relationship as completely singular in terms of what will help it survive or not, in short, come to understand and accept
each other.
There are advocates who insist that relationships should be fair, and that there is some standard to which all
relationships should be compared to.
To clarify what that means, or doesn't mean, it would be helpful to regard Camilia Paglia's work (books): they highlight the
reality that there is nothing tidy about intimacy, that love is driven by irrational, uncontrollable, often self defeating
urges and very different agendas depending on one's gender. (See, for example Paglia, Vamps and Tramps).
Sexual equality may be possible - but not extremely likely according to Paglia.
She indicates that the belief that when "equality" is achieved it will result in complete ease in relationships. Impossible,
she says.
And this is due, she goes on, because men and women are vastly different and their differences, though creating an often
chaotic world for one and other, are what passion is all about (see more on sexual/emotional differences below).
Relationships are never completely balanced: there is always some degree of hierarchy. Actually, relationships function
often on many hierarchies simultaneously, and balances shift during the course of relationships, often many times. The
"raw material" which makes up one relationship is completely different from any other, and gauging balance against other
relationships, or the ideal of complete equity in all regards is futile, impossible.
Paglia says, "(those who) see every hierarchy as repressive, are practicing a social fiction that rejects contingency, that
is, human limitation by nature or fate (3, Sexual Personae)."
Caring is good. Some people care more than others, and caring often endures despite inequity. Thankfully, we live in a
world in which caring can shower itself on the good, bad and ugly. Sometimes this results in imbalance.
Imbalance is not necessarily bad, and to regard it that way would require us to consider the most altruistic individuals in
history as flawed. A mind-set result that examines many caring behaviours, and the possibility that some many need
modification while others may not.
This attitudinal/behavioural approach can be applied to almost any situation where disagreement, tension, hurt, discord,
lack of harmony and other problems exist - by either gender (or both genders, depending on the circumstances).
Nature/Nurture: There has been no intent to ignore biological differences. Instead, the focus has been on the cultural
(learned) one. The "nature-nurture" controversy and debate is still going strongly.
It is not likely to be settled for a long time: however, there is some consensus that at best we can say that human (both
male and female) are a blend of inherent, biological and perhaps inherited characteristics, AND cultural (learned) ones.
In the context and spirit of this article, the best we can say is, that the blend will be different for each individual: for
example:
Emotional Differences between female/Male: that there are differences goes without saying. Whether the emotions
themselves are different between the genders is open to question: perhaps it is safest to say that each gender has
learned how to experience, and express, them differently.
When we take the time to really get to know another person, we discover a rich emotional life - expressed uniquely
learned factors (nurture) is also open to question - and the subject of an ongoing debate.
Sexuality - Sex "drive" differences between male/female. Here too, the nature/nurture factor is involved. First, as
applying to "differences" between males and females as far as their sexuality and their sex drives are concerned. And
secondly, within relationships. People commonly speak of one or the other having high, or low, sex drives. And these are
often ascribed to inherent differences between male and female.
Yet, in reality, there are many members of both genders who have so-called "high" sex drives, as there are those with
so-called "low" sex drives. Actually, "high-low" are relative terms: relative only to two individuals. It is common that in
many, many relationships there are differences in approach, desire etc between the two partners.
And it is they who tend to describe those differences in terms of "high", or "low" - when instead the focus should be on
the fact that they are different, and ways of finding a mutually satisfying resolution to the difference should be sought,
rather than "blaming" or "labelling".
After all, there are many factors that impinge on sex-drive: for example, health, fatigue, stress etc - all of which have
little, or nothing, to do with maleness or femaleness.
Anima/Animus: in the midst of this "controversy", there is something else to consider. This is Carl Gustuv Jung's concept
of Anima/Animus: the male/female aspects each gender carries within. It means that a female has a preponderance of
femaleness (anima), yet at the same time has within her psyche her opposite maleness.
Males, conversely, have a preponderance of maleness (animus), yet carry within their psyche its opposite - the anima.
Thus, not only does nature/nurture come into play - it is also how the internal psychic balance of anima (femaleness) and
animus (maleness) are blended and harmonized. This whole concept is also related to yin-yang, and left-brain / right-brain.
(learned) one. The "nature-nurture" controversy and debate is still going strongly.
It is not likely to be settled for a long time: however, there is some consensus that at best we can say that human (both
male and female) are a blend of inherent, biological and perhaps inherited characteristics, AND cultural (learned) ones.
In the context and spirit of this article, the best we can say is, that the blend will be different for each individual: for
example:
Emotional Differences between female/Male: that there are differences goes without saying. Whether the emotions
themselves are different between the genders is open to question: perhaps it is safest to say that each gender has
learned how to experience, and express, them differently.
When we take the time to really get to know another person, we discover a rich emotional life - expressed uniquely
learned factors (nurture) is also open to question - and the subject of an ongoing debate.
Sexuality - Sex "drive" differences between male/female. Here too, the nature/nurture factor is involved. First, as
applying to "differences" between males and females as far as their sexuality and their sex drives are concerned. And
secondly, within relationships. People commonly speak of one or the other having high, or low, sex drives. And these are
often ascribed to inherent differences between male and female.
Yet, in reality, there are many members of both genders who have so-called "high" sex drives, as there are those with
so-called "low" sex drives. Actually, "high-low" are relative terms: relative only to two individuals. It is common that in
many, many relationships there are differences in approach, desire etc between the two partners.
And it is they who tend to describe those differences in terms of "high", or "low" - when instead the focus should be on
the fact that they are different, and ways of finding a mutually satisfying resolution to the difference should be sought,
rather than "blaming" or "labelling".
After all, there are many factors that impinge on sex-drive: for example, health, fatigue, stress etc - all of which have
little, or nothing, to do with maleness or femaleness.
Anima/Animus: in the midst of this "controversy", there is something else to consider. This is Carl Gustuv Jung's concept
of Anima/Animus: the male/female aspects each gender carries within. It means that a female has a preponderance of
femaleness (anima), yet at the same time has within her psyche her opposite maleness.
Males, conversely, have a preponderance of maleness (animus), yet carry within their psyche its opposite - the anima.
Thus, not only does nature/nurture come into play - it is also how the internal psychic balance of anima (femaleness) and
animus (maleness) are blended and harmonized. This whole concept is also related to yin-yang, and left-brain / right-brain.
This is not intended to be "the" definitive work on this topic, but anything that leads to improved understanding,
points of view, acceptance and more functional behaviour and attitudes can only be good.
Please join me in dialogue on this important facet of real human life (email or snail mail).
It is an introduction that will be revised on an ongoing basis:
I think it is summed-up nicely in this tribute to the late Fritz Perls:
How We Are (a philosophy to live by)
"If I just do my thing and you do yours, We stand in danger of losing each other and ourselves.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations; but I am in this world to confirm you as
a unique human being, and to be confirmed by you.
We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other; the I detached from a Thou disintegrates.
I do not find you by chance; I find you by an active life of reaching out. Rather than passively
letting things happen to me, I can act intentionally to make them happen.
I must begin with myself, true; but I must not end with myself: the Truth begins with two".
- "Beyond Perls" (Walter Tubman)
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
2009
points of view, acceptance and more functional behaviour and attitudes can only be good.
Please join me in dialogue on this important facet of real human life (email or snail mail).
It is an introduction that will be revised on an ongoing basis:
I think it is summed-up nicely in this tribute to the late Fritz Perls:
How We Are (a philosophy to live by)
"If I just do my thing and you do yours, We stand in danger of losing each other and ourselves.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations; but I am in this world to confirm you as
a unique human being, and to be confirmed by you.
We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other; the I detached from a Thou disintegrates.
I do not find you by chance; I find you by an active life of reaching out. Rather than passively
letting things happen to me, I can act intentionally to make them happen.
I must begin with myself, true; but I must not end with myself: the Truth begins with two".
- "Beyond Perls" (Walter Tubman)
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
2009
| Equality of Personhood between Women and Men |
Gender Male/Female Equality - Fundamental Basics
Some Definitions and Realities we each face are:
Women are from Earth.
That's our starting point - "equal planetary residence"
2. Not all women are alike.
Some women are more evolved than other women.
3. Not all men are alike.
Some men are more evolved than other men.
4. Gender identity is the sense we have of belonging either to the male half of the human race
or the female half of the race.
5. Gender conceit is when either gender assumes that what is natural and preferred for her/his gender
is correct for both genders.
Women are from Earth.
That's our starting point - "equal planetary residence"
2. Not all women are alike.
Some women are more evolved than other women.
3. Not all men are alike.
Some men are more evolved than other men.
4. Gender identity is the sense we have of belonging either to the male half of the human race
or the female half of the race.
5. Gender conceit is when either gender assumes that what is natural and preferred for her/his gender
is correct for both genders.
 |  |  |  |  |  |
a Dawn Cove Abbey Resource
| Follow-up and Support Counseling to Seminars & Workshops Dawn Cove Abbey Empowerment Outreach is a registered not-for-profit business in the province of Nova Scotia, Canada |
If you have questions, comments or suggestions, please email. I'll be happy to hear from you.
| The Dawn Cove Abbey Tradition: Helping People Rediscover Themselves Established in 1995, in commemoration of Abbey Dawn in Kingston, Ontario. |
| If you are ready to make the change / transition to seriously begin your healing journey, please call, write or email without obligation (and strictly confidential) We can help: to contact us, please see Contact-Us _____________________________________________________________________ |
Those responsibilities exist because of their differences:
differences because they are each unique individuals.
In showing mutual respect and care there are special ways
that a man shows respect to a woman, because of who she is,
and what she has accomplished: and special ways that a woman
respect a man for the same reasons.
Equality of personhood and mutuality of respect is not
sameness. Yes, there is a "sameness" of responsibilities and
equal access to all responsibilities - but they remain unique,
and different: full individual - striving to fulfil their potential.
Equality is expressed differently in the way we relate to each
other as man and woman, not because we are male and female,
but because of respective, unique personhoods.
differences because they are each unique individuals.
In showing mutual respect and care there are special ways
that a man shows respect to a woman, because of who she is,
and what she has accomplished: and special ways that a woman
respect a man for the same reasons.
Equality of personhood and mutuality of respect is not
sameness. Yes, there is a "sameness" of responsibilities and
equal access to all responsibilities - but they remain unique,
and different: full individual - striving to fulfil their potential.
Equality is expressed differently in the way we relate to each
other as man and woman, not because we are male and female,
but because of respective, unique personhoods.
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| Dysfunctional Family / Life Effects: Resources |
| Adult Child - Survivor Resource Section |
| Healthy-Functional Resource Section |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Suggested Additional Reading |
| Dawn Cove Abbey Information and Support Resources |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
And those personhoods are manifested in the two individuals in a relationship, or situation: they each have a specialness
that needs to be recognized, honoured and respected.
Equality of personhood means that a man is not less a person than a woman because he has hair on his chest, and woman is
not less a person because she has no hair on her chest.
They are equal in their personhood and those differences don't change that - in fact, they aren't relevant.
There is an equality of dignity. A dignity which requires them to be equally honoured as humans.
That honour is due to each simply because they are humans - this applies to all people in our lives: that honour belongs to
male and female equally.
There is an equality of mutual respect. And it means that both men and women should be equally diligent in respecting and
honouring each other.
Respect should never flow just one direction: they should regard each other with a kind of awe that is tempered by the
reality of who each is - and accepting them fully, "warts and all".
that needs to be recognized, honoured and respected.
Equality of personhood means that a man is not less a person than a woman because he has hair on his chest, and woman is
not less a person because she has no hair on her chest.
They are equal in their personhood and those differences don't change that - in fact, they aren't relevant.
There is an equality of dignity. A dignity which requires them to be equally honoured as humans.
That honour is due to each simply because they are humans - this applies to all people in our lives: that honour belongs to
male and female equally.
There is an equality of mutual respect. And it means that both men and women should be equally diligent in respecting and
honouring each other.
Respect should never flow just one direction: they should regard each other with a kind of awe that is tempered by the
reality of who each is - and accepting them fully, "warts and all".
| People who really want to heal, will find a way; those who don't will find an excuse. |
To round it all out, Dawn Cove Abbey provides personal guidance for growth,
available to all.
I sincerely hope that you take the Less Travelled Road
and that it brings awakening and healing to you.
available to all.
I sincerely hope that you take the Less Travelled Road
and that it brings awakening and healing to you.
| | | | | |