Healthy/Functional versus Sick (Dysfunctional/Unhealthy) Relationships form a stark contrast: also - the 5 myths!
Note: when reading the following, please bear in mind that it is a culturally-based description and comparison. This is important,
because what is considered "good", "bad", desirable and acceptable varies widely across cultures and communities - for more detail on
that, read this.
Love really can lift you up: being in a loving, healthy relationship is one of the greatest things on earth. It can include affection,
passion, caring, valuing, trust, acceptance, giving, joy, and vulnerability.
A family's purpose, in Healthy circumstances, can be seen as the living, sharing, nourishing and development of life.
NOTE: many relationships are not consistently very caring; also - all relationships happen in a context of other people.
You may know someone whose relationship(s) are obsessive, excessive, destructive, dangerous, compulsive, habitual, unhealthily
attached, or dependent or codependent - also see Denial-Enabling.
One common feature in sick, unhealthy relationships is the use of "Power Games." The word power can be used in many ways. Power
games are manipulative behaviours that keep two people in a relationship on an unequal basis.
The power games in sick and unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships - families can be subtle or blatantly "in your face": power trips
destroy!
Whichever way they appear, basically one person in the relationship believes he or she must maintain control in the relationship. The
person who believes this also feels the way to be in control is to have power over that relationship.
People who buy into using power games to control a relationship often attempt, or engage in, controlling behaviours. They are listed
below.
Sick, Unhealthy Love/Relationships are a major source of stress (see below). For a more detailed comparison, read Dysfunctional Fam
or, Healthy Fam and Codependency.
Have a question about Relationships or related topics? Email at no charge with no obligation about help.
If you are wondering about your or someone else's relationship, take a look at the following comparisons:
Good, healthy, functional relationships/marriages and families do not just "happen" on their own.
The people involved make them happen. And the way they make them happen is by doing certain things differently than many others
around them.
They believe in, and practice, love, consideration, kindness and empathy.
Note: when reading the following, please bear in mind that it is a culturally-based description and comparison. This is important,
because what is considered "good", "bad", desirable and acceptable varies widely across cultures and communities - for more detail on
that, read this.
Love really can lift you up: being in a loving, healthy relationship is one of the greatest things on earth. It can include affection,
passion, caring, valuing, trust, acceptance, giving, joy, and vulnerability.
A family's purpose, in Healthy circumstances, can be seen as the living, sharing, nourishing and development of life.
NOTE: many relationships are not consistently very caring; also - all relationships happen in a context of other people.
You may know someone whose relationship(s) are obsessive, excessive, destructive, dangerous, compulsive, habitual, unhealthily
attached, or dependent or codependent - also see Denial-Enabling.
One common feature in sick, unhealthy relationships is the use of "Power Games." The word power can be used in many ways. Power
games are manipulative behaviours that keep two people in a relationship on an unequal basis.
The power games in sick and unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships - families can be subtle or blatantly "in your face": power trips
destroy!
Whichever way they appear, basically one person in the relationship believes he or she must maintain control in the relationship. The
person who believes this also feels the way to be in control is to have power over that relationship.
People who buy into using power games to control a relationship often attempt, or engage in, controlling behaviours. They are listed
below.
Sick, Unhealthy Love/Relationships are a major source of stress (see below). For a more detailed comparison, read Dysfunctional Fam
or, Healthy Fam and Codependency.
Have a question about Relationships or related topics? Email at no charge with no obligation about help.
If you are wondering about your or someone else's relationship, take a look at the following comparisons:
Good, healthy, functional relationships/marriages and families do not just "happen" on their own.
The people involved make them happen. And the way they make them happen is by doing certain things differently than many others
around them.
They believe in, and practice, love, consideration, kindness and empathy.
| Comparing some characteristics of Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships/Love |
Healthy Love/Relationships:
|
Unhealthy Love/Relationships:
|
There are many other points to compare - these are just a sample.
For more detail and understanding, read some of the material suggested above,
and also see the Coaching/Counselling and Seminars pages.
Five Myths that kill relationships.
For more detail and understanding, read some of the material suggested above,
and also see the Coaching/Counselling and Seminars pages.
Five Myths that kill relationships.
- Love is enough: it isn't.
- There is nothing to learn: there is a lot to learn.
- If you love me, you'll _____: wrong.
- My partner/mate will change: says who?
- I'll do my half: wrong - each has to do 100%
There is a tremendous difference between Healthy versus Sick (Unhealthy) Love/Relationships. You may also have noticed
that the components of a Healthy Love relationships are far fewer - because it is easier - than those in Sick/Unhealthy Love
relationships situations.
Dealing with Power Games:
In a sick/unhealthy relationship, power games are not easily given up.
Remember, dealing with an unhealthy relationship can be difficult, frightening, confusing, and even unsafe.
Get someone you trust to help you.
This can be a good friend, a support group, a family member, a pastor, or a professional counsellor or therapist.
You do not have to go it alone!
And the goal - mutual respect in a healthy relationship - is worth your acting now.
Unfolding your human potential!
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada - 1995/2008
that the components of a Healthy Love relationships are far fewer - because it is easier - than those in Sick/Unhealthy Love
relationships situations.
Dealing with Power Games:
In a sick/unhealthy relationship, power games are not easily given up.
- Acknowledge that power games are real.
- Get help to disentangle if you cannot do it on your own, or by yourself.
Remember, dealing with an unhealthy relationship can be difficult, frightening, confusing, and even unsafe.
Get someone you trust to help you.
This can be a good friend, a support group, a family member, a pastor, or a professional counsellor or therapist.
You do not have to go it alone!
And the goal - mutual respect in a healthy relationship - is worth your acting now.
Unfolding your human potential!
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada - 1995/2008
Help is available through counselling/coaching - or an ear to listen; - just email, call or write (with no obligation).
Healthy and Sick/Dysfunctional Relationships: a Comparison
Comparing Healthy / Functional Relationships and Unhealthy / Dysfunctional Relationships
| Dawn Cove Abbey Empowerment Outreach - New Beginning Online Information Resources, and other supports for Individuals, Couples and Families LIFE COUNSELING / COACHING / COUNSELLING and CONSULTING: HEALING YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD |
Helping People make sense of chaotic
lives: healing & recovery
lives: healing & recovery
Empowerment: Counselling - Life Coaching,
Seminars, Workshops & Retreats
Seminars, Workshops & Retreats
| When life hurts - there is immediate help for long term hope |
Only the Wounded Heal; Only the Separated Reconcile
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