Love is a single word with many meanings,
and is difficult to define,
describe, understand, or figure out . . .
Love also isn't a single fixed emotion,
for there are many subtle differences between the various types of love.
Here is an outline:
The Four “Loves”
There are four different types, or styles, of love
that have their own characteristics and personalities.
They are commonly given the names that the ancient Greeks coined to characterize the
different love styles:
Agape is unconditional love
Storge is Affection, love of family
Philia is love between friends
Eros is the sense of being in love
and is difficult to define,
describe, understand, or figure out . . .
Love also isn't a single fixed emotion,
for there are many subtle differences between the various types of love.
Here is an outline:
The Four “Loves”
There are four different types, or styles, of love
that have their own characteristics and personalities.
They are commonly given the names that the ancient Greeks coined to characterize the
different love styles:
Agape is unconditional love
Storge is Affection, love of family
Philia is love between friends
Eros is the sense of being in love
| Love, Infatuation, Obsession and more |
Dawn Cove Abbey
Klaas Tuinman M.A
Deerfield, Nova Scotia, Canada
2009
Klaas Tuinman M.A
Deerfield, Nova Scotia, Canada
2009
They are always afraid of losing the object of that obsession,
and so they tend to try and hold on to that one person by whatever means it may take.
Obsessive Love / Obsession
Obsessive Love is closely related to Manic Love:
which is also obsessive and highly volatile.
These forms of love are fuelled by low self-esteem;
and are troubled with dependence on the other person.
They are characterized by great intensity and jealousy,
Obsessive & Manic love relationships are probably the worst manifestation
of the feeling of love, or when you mistake obsession for love.
People close to them often become co-dependent.
Generally, love is "other-centered", where as obsession is "self-centered".
Research and clinical experience show that there are a substantial number of romantic
relationships in which an individual is either desperately trying to get someone to love them or
they are desperately trying to keep the love of a partner by focusing an inordinate amount of
their attention on them.
Both cases, are essentially variations of "obsession."
Neither has a thing to do with genuine love.
When we obsess over our own emotions, we are expressing ourselves on an extremely selfish
level.
Narcissistic Love:
another negative form of love is Narcissistic Love.
Narcissists "love" their spouses or other significant others
- as long as they continue to reliably provide them with
Narcissistic Supply (in one word, with attention).
Inevitably, they regard others as mere "sources", objects, or functions.
People close to these also often become co-dependent.
Lacking empathy and emotional maturity,
the narcissist's love is sick.
But the precise nature of this depends on the narcissists’ stability or instability
in different parts of their life.
Ludas Love: Ludas is called game-playing love.
It is like the love of a knight for a princess.
There are playful interactions here but little intimacy or deep intensity.
Companionship Love:
is the kind of love that stimulates all five senses.
S/he smells good, feels good, tastes good, sounds good, and looks good.
S/he is pleasant company because s/he makes you feel happy.
Many relationships begin with this type of love,
but it doesn't always withstand the pressure of time.
Friendship Love:
this is a love between yourself and someone
that is totally honest, open and comfortable.
You really only have this kind of bond with a few people.
You might know a lot of people and be "friendly" with them
in a group situation but they are not the best friends
Genuine Love is completely different.
It means,
"I see a need in you.
Let me have the privilege of meeting it."
Instead of taking for itself,
genuine love gives to others.
It motivates us to help others reach their full potential in life.
Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection.
It is real.
It gives you strength and grows beyond you - to bolster your beloved.
You are warmed by their presence, even when they are away.
Miles do not separate you.
You have so many wonderful little films in your head that you keep replaying.
But near or far, you know they are yours, and you can wait.
Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."
Unconditional Love
is the sincerest love;
the love that lasts forever.
This kind of love comes when you have found the person
you are destined to be with.
Nothing can destroy unconditional love.
Agape Love, described above,
is also a blend of two other types of love; eros and storge.
This is the love of altruism,
of giving without asking anything in return,
and of sacrificing oneself for one's partner.
Many consider it to be the purest form of love.
The love you have for someone will change over time,
in character,
in intensity
and even in type
– but if you have a strong foundation,
it will withstand the unfolding changes.
Which kind of love do you love others with? (also see How Do I Love Thee?)
Which kind of love are you being loved with?
and so they tend to try and hold on to that one person by whatever means it may take.
Obsessive Love / Obsession
Obsessive Love is closely related to Manic Love:
which is also obsessive and highly volatile.
These forms of love are fuelled by low self-esteem;
and are troubled with dependence on the other person.
They are characterized by great intensity and jealousy,
Obsessive & Manic love relationships are probably the worst manifestation
of the feeling of love, or when you mistake obsession for love.
People close to them often become co-dependent.
Generally, love is "other-centered", where as obsession is "self-centered".
Research and clinical experience show that there are a substantial number of romantic
relationships in which an individual is either desperately trying to get someone to love them or
they are desperately trying to keep the love of a partner by focusing an inordinate amount of
their attention on them.
Both cases, are essentially variations of "obsession."
Neither has a thing to do with genuine love.
When we obsess over our own emotions, we are expressing ourselves on an extremely selfish
level.
Narcissistic Love:
another negative form of love is Narcissistic Love.
Narcissists "love" their spouses or other significant others
- as long as they continue to reliably provide them with
Narcissistic Supply (in one word, with attention).
Inevitably, they regard others as mere "sources", objects, or functions.
People close to these also often become co-dependent.
Lacking empathy and emotional maturity,
the narcissist's love is sick.
But the precise nature of this depends on the narcissists’ stability or instability
in different parts of their life.
Ludas Love: Ludas is called game-playing love.
It is like the love of a knight for a princess.
There are playful interactions here but little intimacy or deep intensity.
Companionship Love:
is the kind of love that stimulates all five senses.
S/he smells good, feels good, tastes good, sounds good, and looks good.
S/he is pleasant company because s/he makes you feel happy.
Many relationships begin with this type of love,
but it doesn't always withstand the pressure of time.
Friendship Love:
this is a love between yourself and someone
that is totally honest, open and comfortable.
You really only have this kind of bond with a few people.
You might know a lot of people and be "friendly" with them
in a group situation but they are not the best friends
Genuine Love is completely different.
It means,
"I see a need in you.
Let me have the privilege of meeting it."
Instead of taking for itself,
genuine love gives to others.
It motivates us to help others reach their full potential in life.
Love is the quiet understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection.
It is real.
It gives you strength and grows beyond you - to bolster your beloved.
You are warmed by their presence, even when they are away.
Miles do not separate you.
You have so many wonderful little films in your head that you keep replaying.
But near or far, you know they are yours, and you can wait.
Love says, "Be patient. Don't panic. Plan your future with confidence."
Unconditional Love
is the sincerest love;
the love that lasts forever.
This kind of love comes when you have found the person
you are destined to be with.
Nothing can destroy unconditional love.
Agape Love, described above,
is also a blend of two other types of love; eros and storge.
This is the love of altruism,
of giving without asking anything in return,
and of sacrificing oneself for one's partner.
Many consider it to be the purest form of love.
The love you have for someone will change over time,
in character,
in intensity
and even in type
– but if you have a strong foundation,
it will withstand the unfolding changes.
Which kind of love do you love others with? (also see How Do I Love Thee?)
Which kind of love are you being loved with?
 |  |  |  |  |
a Dawn Cove Abbey Resource
| Follow-up and Support Counseling to Seminars & Workshops Dawn Cove Abbey Empowerment Outreach is a registered not-for-profit business in the province of Nova Scotia, Canada |
If you have questions, comments or suggestions, please email. I'll be happy to hear from you.
| The Dawn Cove Abbey Tradition: Helping People Rediscover Themselves Established in 1995, in commemoration of Abbey Dawn in Kingston, Ontario. |
Caritas (agapē, αγαπη)
Agape means unconditional love for someone.
Agape is the love that brings forth caring regardless of circumstance.
Agape love is the selfless, sacrificial love for others, in which nothing is asked in return . . .
it is truly unconditional, which means “no strings attached”.
Affection - (storge, στοργη)
Storge is fondness through familiarity, especially between family members;
parental affection; the almost instinctive affection such as animals have for their young,
and also people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance.
It is described as the most natural, emotive,
and widely diffused of loves.
Storge Love exemplifies friendship-based love.
There is strong companionship and shared values here, but little physical intimacy.
In social psychology, storge is the form of love between exceptional friends,
and the desire for them to care compassionately for one another.
Philia - Friendship
(philia, φιλια) is a strong bond existing between people who share a common interest or activity.
Philia is Friendship Love, which is not sexual in nature,
though (in the right circumstance) it can lead to or complement Eros (below).
It's the kind of love talked about by Jesus, who said:
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
Philia is the embodiment of everything a true, meaningful friendship represents.
Phileo love truly describes friendship and the bonds that are strengthened by shared experiences.
Eros (έρως)
Eros means romantic love from which the word erotic comes, but does not necessarily imply
sexuality.
It's love in the sense of 'being in love':
the chemical reaction that happens between two people.
It's infatuation between people,
and is like “puppy love” (more on this below).
Eros is the desire to draw out all that is good, beautiful and true.
It is motivated by, and involves, emotional need;
to elicit physical love and affection from the one you love.
It's often understood to refer primarily to sex,
but that's really only one significant part of it.
True love requires all four types of Love.
Most relationships today are based on one type of love.
If your relationship does not contain these four types of love,
you may have the recipe for disaster.
Other forms or styles of love . . .
Security Love:
is the love that everybody needs to survive
- that feeling of being cared for and nurtured.
Some people would describe this as the type of love parents have for their children (storge):
this is so important.
It is high on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
Pragma (Logical) Love:
is realistic, practical love.
The type of love which can go out looking for a partner based on a shopping list of requirements,
which can be a bit unemotional.
Sometimes, though, pragma love also contains a bit of Ludus love (see below)
Pragma Love is often a combination of storge and ludus love, and refers to a practical or logical
love
in which someone actively searches for a partner with certain characteristics.
Love or Infatuation?
Love and infatuation often misunderstood which is unfortunate,
because the difference between is big.
How can you tell whether it’s Infatuation or Love?
When you have Red Flag Thoughts like, “You are my life. I can't live without you,”
it’s likely infatuation, especially if it persists after several months
(in true “love” that kind of feeling also tends to happen initially, but changes to something deeper).
Infatuation is like puppy love/crush
– like the temporary love of an adolescent
Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love;
addictive love.
Some of the “symptoms” of infatuation are: (these don’t go with love).
feelings of panic,
uncertainty,
overpowering lust,
feverish excitement,
impatience,
and/or jealously.
When infatuated, people are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious.
There are lingering, nagging doubts about their partner and their love for them.
They are miserable when they’re away, almost like they’re not complete unless they’re with them.
It’s a rush and it’s intense.
It’s difficult to concentrate.
Most infatuation relationships have a high degree of sexual charge around them.
For them, somehow being with the object of their infatuation is not complete
unless in ends in some type of sexual encounter.
They idealize their behavior and aren't accepting of their whole actions.
They place them on a pedestal.
They tend to fantasize about them
Infatuation means that “we need to get married, right away cause I don't trust you
and I'm afraid that I'm gonna lose you”.
Infatuation is when we look at that person almost as if they were a mentor to us
and everything they do and say is just the right action and pleases us to no end.
Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity.
You are excited and eager,
but not genuinely happy.
There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions,
little bits and pieces about your beloved
that you would just as soon not examine too closely.
It might spoil the dream.
Infatuation is in fact love not with the other person,
but the image of that person
– a creation of your mind.
Do any of these “symptoms” resemble feelings of love?
Hardly.
Agape means unconditional love for someone.
Agape is the love that brings forth caring regardless of circumstance.
Agape love is the selfless, sacrificial love for others, in which nothing is asked in return . . .
it is truly unconditional, which means “no strings attached”.
Affection - (storge, στοργη)
Storge is fondness through familiarity, especially between family members;
parental affection; the almost instinctive affection such as animals have for their young,
and also people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance.
It is described as the most natural, emotive,
and widely diffused of loves.
Storge Love exemplifies friendship-based love.
There is strong companionship and shared values here, but little physical intimacy.
In social psychology, storge is the form of love between exceptional friends,
and the desire for them to care compassionately for one another.
Philia - Friendship
(philia, φιλια) is a strong bond existing between people who share a common interest or activity.
Philia is Friendship Love, which is not sexual in nature,
though (in the right circumstance) it can lead to or complement Eros (below).
It's the kind of love talked about by Jesus, who said:
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
Philia is the embodiment of everything a true, meaningful friendship represents.
Phileo love truly describes friendship and the bonds that are strengthened by shared experiences.
Eros (έρως)
Eros means romantic love from which the word erotic comes, but does not necessarily imply
sexuality.
It's love in the sense of 'being in love':
the chemical reaction that happens between two people.
It's infatuation between people,
and is like “puppy love” (more on this below).
Eros is the desire to draw out all that is good, beautiful and true.
It is motivated by, and involves, emotional need;
to elicit physical love and affection from the one you love.
It's often understood to refer primarily to sex,
but that's really only one significant part of it.
True love requires all four types of Love.
Most relationships today are based on one type of love.
If your relationship does not contain these four types of love,
you may have the recipe for disaster.
Other forms or styles of love . . .
Security Love:
is the love that everybody needs to survive
- that feeling of being cared for and nurtured.
Some people would describe this as the type of love parents have for their children (storge):
this is so important.
It is high on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
Pragma (Logical) Love:
is realistic, practical love.
The type of love which can go out looking for a partner based on a shopping list of requirements,
which can be a bit unemotional.
Sometimes, though, pragma love also contains a bit of Ludus love (see below)
Pragma Love is often a combination of storge and ludus love, and refers to a practical or logical
love
in which someone actively searches for a partner with certain characteristics.
Love or Infatuation?
Love and infatuation often misunderstood which is unfortunate,
because the difference between is big.
How can you tell whether it’s Infatuation or Love?
When you have Red Flag Thoughts like, “You are my life. I can't live without you,”
it’s likely infatuation, especially if it persists after several months
(in true “love” that kind of feeling also tends to happen initially, but changes to something deeper).
Infatuation is like puppy love/crush
– like the temporary love of an adolescent
Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion or love;
addictive love.
Some of the “symptoms” of infatuation are: (these don’t go with love).
feelings of panic,
uncertainty,
overpowering lust,
feverish excitement,
impatience,
and/or jealously.
When infatuated, people are thrilled, but not happy, wanting to trust, yet suspicious.
There are lingering, nagging doubts about their partner and their love for them.
They are miserable when they’re away, almost like they’re not complete unless they’re with them.
It’s a rush and it’s intense.
It’s difficult to concentrate.
Most infatuation relationships have a high degree of sexual charge around them.
For them, somehow being with the object of their infatuation is not complete
unless in ends in some type of sexual encounter.
They idealize their behavior and aren't accepting of their whole actions.
They place them on a pedestal.
They tend to fantasize about them
Infatuation means that “we need to get married, right away cause I don't trust you
and I'm afraid that I'm gonna lose you”.
Infatuation is when we look at that person almost as if they were a mentor to us
and everything they do and say is just the right action and pleases us to no end.
Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity.
You are excited and eager,
but not genuinely happy.
There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions,
little bits and pieces about your beloved
that you would just as soon not examine too closely.
It might spoil the dream.
Infatuation is in fact love not with the other person,
but the image of that person
– a creation of your mind.
Do any of these “symptoms” resemble feelings of love?
Hardly.
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| | | | |
If you found this page helpful and know someone else who could benefit from it, please tell them
NOTE: For Recovering/Healing from a dysfunctional family, coping with or overcoming a dysfunctional
(alcoholic) family/relationship, help is available here - Online, distance help/counselling works!
Related topics: Abuse & Violence, Children-Roles, Codependency & Male-Female Equality, Lifeskills or Building Trust
NOTE: For Recovering/Healing from a dysfunctional family, coping with or overcoming a dysfunctional
(alcoholic) family/relationship, help is available here - Online, distance help/counselling works!
Related topics: Abuse & Violence, Children-Roles, Codependency & Male-Female Equality, Lifeskills or Building Trust
| If you are ready to make the change / transition to begin your healing journey, we can help. For more information see Help - to contact us see Contact-Us Please call, write or email without obligation (and strictly confidential) _____________________________________________________________________ |
Dawn Cove Abbey - many ways of helping people learn, recover and heal:
I sincerely hope that you take the Less Travelled Road and that it brings
awakening and healing to you.
- providing personal guidance for growth, healing and empowerment
through personal life coaching/counselling.
- extensive information and support pages on this website
- - the information is free and available to all - if you have found it to
be helpful and useful, please consider making a donation toward
maintaining this important service.
I sincerely hope that you take the Less Travelled Road and that it brings
awakening and healing to you.
| ~Explorations In Awareness~ -Demystifying & Detoxifying the Mind to combat Alienation and Dysfunction- Please visit and add your voice. |
