Self-Esteem and Self Worth – Exploring The Difference

How you feel about yourself is self-esteem.

  • Self-esteem is your perception of how you are doing in the world. It may go up or down depending
    upon what is happening to you: validation by others.
  • Get an "A" on a test, for example, and you feel great, but if you fail you feel terrible.
  • Self-esteem is based on being validated by other people, and other things, not on you.

Self Esteem depends on just a few basic factors (that always involve external things and people).
  • The amount of achievements you have accomplished
  • The weight that you place on those achievements
  • The emotional support that you have around you.

These externally derived factors provide a sense of:
*        Belonging                * Uniqueness                * Purpose                * Hope

Self-esteem is changeable – it is always dependent on external factors – and other people:
external validation.
Geoffrey Dahmer and Charlie Manson “felt good” about what they had done – that’s how they boosted their
self-esteem. Angry people in an “acting-out” rage, bullies, and violent abusers all derive “self-esteem boosts”
from what they do – this is sick inner validation. All of them totally deny the value and worth of their victims.
Self Worth gives you rights as a human being:
  • the right to food and shelter,
  • the right to safety (including freedom from abuse and violence),
  • the right to dignity and respect,
  • the right to have your value and worth recognized and acknowledged,
  • the right to be loved, and to love.
You may have come to not like yourself and believe that you don’t deserve anything good. Self-esteem
suffers while self-worth is forgotten because you rely on what others think of you to maintain your self-
esteem (external validation).

That turns control of you over to others. It gives up ownership of your worth and value, and allows
others to control and manipulate you instead: you will have given away your most precious possessions.

You must love and value yourself if you are to love others.
  • You have to respect yourself and acknowledge your own self-worth (do not confuse this with
    conceit or vanity – those are sick inner validations, too).
  • You must take responsibility for your actions and their consequences, and ownership of your value
    and worth.
  • You must take care of yourself - so that you can love and help your “neighbor”.

This does not make you selfish.          It makes you responsible.

Also read "The Awakening"
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Short Beach, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
2000-2008


Also available: Counselling (Distance/email Counselling Works!) see Contact-Info for details. To boost your sense of self
worth see the Motivate-Inspire page and the self-esteem/Worth Seminar & Workshops page
About Self Esteem and Self Worth: the Difference
Self-worth differs from self-esteem.                     Self-worth is what you are born with.
  • As one of the creations in the universe you have worth and value: value and worth that remain yours
    throughout your life. They are your most precious belongings and are yours to nourish and protect.
You cannot lose your worth, but you can lose sight of it,
You cannot give your worth away,
Your value and worth cannot be taken from you,
You can forget your worth and value,
Your validation comes from within.
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