| Only the Wounded Heal; Only the Separated Reconcile |
| The Survivors Podium is a place to share your successful journey to healing and-or to learn from someone else’s. This is a special page for those who have made (or are making), successful healing journeys, where they can share their stories - to help, to bring hope, and to inspire those who thought there was no hope. It has space for recovery/healing stories, spaced between other helpful, thought-provoking bits and pieces * useful information. Can adult children and other severely wounded victims heal? Yes, they can, and they do – read their stories below: Some of their stories are in poem format - it is easier for them to share their story that way . . . |
. . . . it is . . .
Time To Pick Up The Pieces Of Your Life,
- but know it happened,
and become stronger from it;
and use what you have been through
to show others hurting
that they too,
can be - survivors -
You too, can be a survivor!
Time To Pick Up The Pieces Of Your Life,
- but know it happened,
and become stronger from it;
and use what you have been through
to show others hurting
that they too,
can be - survivors -
You too, can be a survivor!
Recovery:
To adapt Dr. William Anthony’s description of what recovery is we find that:
recovery is "a deeply personal, unique process of changing one’s attitudes, values,
feelings, goals, skills and/or roles.
It is a way of living a satisfying, hopeful, and contributing life even with limitations caused
by a dysfunctional, victimized past.
Recovery involves the development of new meaning and purpose in one’s life as one
grows beyond the catastrophic effects severe dysfunction and victimhood."
~William Anthony MD (adapted)
To adapt Dr. William Anthony’s description of what recovery is we find that:
recovery is "a deeply personal, unique process of changing one’s attitudes, values,
feelings, goals, skills and/or roles.
It is a way of living a satisfying, hopeful, and contributing life even with limitations caused
by a dysfunctional, victimized past.
Recovery involves the development of new meaning and purpose in one’s life as one
grows beyond the catastrophic effects severe dysfunction and victimhood."
~William Anthony MD (adapted)
First Survivor Story: Nicole
Nicole's Story
I grew up in actually two dysfunctional families -- first, my two parents and me until I was eleven and a half,
and then secondly, after my mother and I went to live with my aunt and her family. After thinking about it, I
see that I ended up moving back and forth between Lost Child and Scapegoat when I was growing up. I'm
currently in counseling now to help me resolve issues from my past, and I think this augments wonderfully
what I am already doing.
I used to bury myself in books a lot, fantasy, and I discovered writing poetry when I was twelve.
You could say that many of us from dysfunctional families have been taught to hide our pain -- personality
traits just determine how we do it. In my reading, I've discovered that folks of my particular type, rather
than hide it completely, choose to express it indirectly -- through art, poetry, song, even in more indirect
ways such as personal style in dress and decoration, makeup choices, what art objects we keep around us,
etc. I know I do this. My poetry is my outlet. My theory: somehow, we think that it's shameful, or "bad" to
express it directly (maybe through negative childhood messages) so we choose the indirect, as I think that
we know deep down that we cannot hold it in forever. But somehow, some of us don't take that next leap to
expressing it outward and we end up destroying ourselves in the process. It's as if we secretly hope that
somebody notices that we're hurting and draws in closer to care -- because of course, it's "shameful" or
"bad" to ask for help.
Anyway, I just thought I would share my thoughts with you and thank you for putting up your website.
I think the information will further help me in my journey to heal.
Nicole Nicholson
To read Nicole's poetry and experience her vitality on her Raven's Wing Poetry & blog site, click Graphic >>>
I grew up in actually two dysfunctional families -- first, my two parents and me until I was eleven and a half,
and then secondly, after my mother and I went to live with my aunt and her family. After thinking about it, I
see that I ended up moving back and forth between Lost Child and Scapegoat when I was growing up. I'm
currently in counseling now to help me resolve issues from my past, and I think this augments wonderfully
what I am already doing.
I used to bury myself in books a lot, fantasy, and I discovered writing poetry when I was twelve.
You could say that many of us from dysfunctional families have been taught to hide our pain -- personality
traits just determine how we do it. In my reading, I've discovered that folks of my particular type, rather
than hide it completely, choose to express it indirectly -- through art, poetry, song, even in more indirect
ways such as personal style in dress and decoration, makeup choices, what art objects we keep around us,
etc. I know I do this. My poetry is my outlet. My theory: somehow, we think that it's shameful, or "bad" to
express it directly (maybe through negative childhood messages) so we choose the indirect, as I think that
we know deep down that we cannot hold it in forever. But somehow, some of us don't take that next leap to
expressing it outward and we end up destroying ourselves in the process. It's as if we secretly hope that
somebody notices that we're hurting and draws in closer to care -- because of course, it's "shameful" or
"bad" to ask for help.
Anyway, I just thought I would share my thoughts with you and thank you for putting up your website.
I think the information will further help me in my journey to heal.
Nicole Nicholson
To read Nicole's poetry and experience her vitality on her Raven's Wing Poetry & blog site, click Graphic >>>
| Your story here? |
Please note the importance of the fact that recovery is a process
where we get - or find back – that which we sought for, or lost.
Through the process we recover the use of “something”,
or return to an original state
It is a process of convalescence – of gradual healing, that
ultimately results in a return to a normal condition:
something gained or restored in recovering.
where we get - or find back – that which we sought for, or lost.
Through the process we recover the use of “something”,
or return to an original state
It is a process of convalescence – of gradual healing, that
ultimately results in a return to a normal condition:
something gained or restored in recovering.
| Survivor * A survivor is a person who has survived an ordeal or great misfortune, and was resilient or courageous enough to be able to overcome hardship, misfortune, etc. * one who lives through affliction, remaining alive; who carries on despite hardships or trauma; * Survivors persevere and remain functional (or regain the ability to do so) - they learned to cope with a trauma or setback, or survived child abuse. |
| Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy. ~Rabbi Abraham Heschel |
The Second Story: from Jeanne
This Woman
I carry every year of this woman:
faces with no smile and a gaze held fast to the ground below
names that carry proud defiance survivor names
identities that protected her
innocence.
When no one was there to save her, she saved herself
hiding inside her burning shame red hot anger
buried itself
deep beneath her mind. Even that was overshadowed
by her need for love
a need to remember a time when she could:
smile without fear
dance without knowing that she might drown in the next rain
laugh without crying when the darkness came.
This woman finds a sacred space for her girl child. She wore
her striped dress with hues of pink and one ribbon of grey.
It was a blend. Now
she has champions that support and invite the healing
the integration of woman, girl and child. Tears are honored
held gently in the palm of each heart who hears her story.
These champions know pain. They walk with crooked stars. And,
we are famous. Our beauty is in our courage and our big love.
Truth has changed with every can of worms that we opened and
released. We experienced authenticity from uncovering our deepest
wounds and all the while
I had been looking in a book.
~Jeanne Ripley
This Woman
I carry every year of this woman:
faces with no smile and a gaze held fast to the ground below
names that carry proud defiance survivor names
identities that protected her
innocence.
When no one was there to save her, she saved herself
hiding inside her burning shame red hot anger
buried itself
deep beneath her mind. Even that was overshadowed
by her need for love
a need to remember a time when she could:
smile without fear
dance without knowing that she might drown in the next rain
laugh without crying when the darkness came.
This woman finds a sacred space for her girl child. She wore
her striped dress with hues of pink and one ribbon of grey.
It was a blend. Now
she has champions that support and invite the healing
the integration of woman, girl and child. Tears are honored
held gently in the palm of each heart who hears her story.
These champions know pain. They walk with crooked stars. And,
we are famous. Our beauty is in our courage and our big love.
Truth has changed with every can of worms that we opened and
released. We experienced authenticity from uncovering our deepest
wounds and all the while
I had been looking in a book.
~Jeanne Ripley
| "Our outer experiences can seem to tell us that we are powerless, unworthy, unlovable, etc. This is a grand test - no matter what our lives seem to be telling us? The truth is that we are powerful, and worthy of love - no matter what!" You are all things. Denying, rejecting, judging or hiding from any aspect of your total being creates pain and results in a lack of wholeness. What is the most effective way to hide an aspect of yourself? We wear beauty, or beauty with a mask of ugliness. The mask serves to keep the outer world from unmasking the original wounds and aspects of self that we have disowned. Enlightenment and healing is the process by which we unmask our duality to reveal our unity with All-that-is. ~Colleen Joy |
| You do not need to be fixed, for you were not broken. Your sense of self - your self perception, was shattered and fractured and broken into pieces, - not your True Self. It was not an illness you got – it was a survival/coping strategy that was no longer working for you. You re-assembled it all – because you chose. ~Klaas Tuinman |
| Claudia's story - click HERE |
Heal: healing is a process that restores us
to health or soundness;
it sets things right;
it repairs,
and restores us to spiritual wholeness.
The outcome is such that we become whole and sound
and return to health.
(Health and holy are two related words
– both coming from the original same root
which means “whole”).
to health or soundness;
it sets things right;
it repairs,
and restores us to spiritual wholeness.
The outcome is such that we become whole and sound
and return to health.
(Health and holy are two related words
– both coming from the original same root
which means “whole”).
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's
courage. ~Anais Nin
Victim: victims are those unfortunate people who
suffer from some adverse circumstances – a victim is:
* a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious
action or agency
* a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her
own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others;
someone who misplaced trust or confidence.
* someone who is hurt or harmed by somebody or
something, and was adversely affected by such an
action or circumstance
* a person who is tricked or swindled, duped or
exploited, a target of an attack, or harmed by a crime,
unfairness, or other wrong.
courage. ~Anais Nin
Victim: victims are those unfortunate people who
suffer from some adverse circumstances – a victim is:
* a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious
action or agency
* a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her
own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others;
someone who misplaced trust or confidence.
* someone who is hurt or harmed by somebody or
something, and was adversely affected by such an
action or circumstance
* a person who is tricked or swindled, duped or
exploited, a target of an attack, or harmed by a crime,
unfairness, or other wrong.
| Your story here? |
It is not because things were difficult that we did not dare;
it is because we did not dare that they were difficult.
~Seneca (adapted)
There are stories
that you can tell from your life
and know that they hurt then
and know that they still hurt now.
It's good to have memories
and never forget those stories,
but stop telling stories
that make you hurt,
tell the ones that make you smile!
~Theresa Repko
it is because we did not dare that they were difficult.
~Seneca (adapted)
There are stories
that you can tell from your life
and know that they hurt then
and know that they still hurt now.
It's good to have memories
and never forget those stories,
but stop telling stories
that make you hurt,
tell the ones that make you smile!
~Theresa Repko
And you learned that,
If you always do, what you've always done;
You'll always get what you've always got.
How is what you're doing working for you?
If it's NOT working for you
- CHANGE SOMETHING
. . . . and you did
If you aren’t sure of what to change, help is available here -
(pssst - it has to do with inner "attitude")
If you always do, what you've always done;
You'll always get what you've always got.
How is what you're doing working for you?
If it's NOT working for you
- CHANGE SOMETHING
. . . . and you did
If you aren’t sure of what to change, help is available here -
(pssst - it has to do with inner "attitude")
| Your story here? |
Your attitude is what makes you the person you are.
It's what everyone loves about you.
Sure, sometimes you need to control it better
in certain situations.
But overall - it's what makes you so unique, adorable, fun
unpredictable and just all around so lovable.
It's what makes you -
YOU
Compassion - Pain
When we experience the pain of another person,
we instinctively want to take away the pain.
But by taking away the other person's pain,
we also take away his or her opportunity to grow.
To be truly compassionate,
we must be able to share another person's suffering and pain
- - knowing there is nothing we can do to relieve it,
and that we are not responsible for it,
and yet knowing and understanding what that pain feels like.
It's what everyone loves about you.
Sure, sometimes you need to control it better
in certain situations.
But overall - it's what makes you so unique, adorable, fun
unpredictable and just all around so lovable.
It's what makes you -
YOU
Compassion - Pain
When we experience the pain of another person,
we instinctively want to take away the pain.
But by taking away the other person's pain,
we also take away his or her opportunity to grow.
To be truly compassionate,
we must be able to share another person's suffering and pain
- - knowing there is nothing we can do to relieve it,
and that we are not responsible for it,
and yet knowing and understanding what that pain feels like.
Below are certain concepts or factors that are common (and crucial) to recovery:
Hope
Hope is a desire accompanied by confident expectation.
Having a sense of hope is the foundation for ongoing recovery from woundedness.
Even the smallest belief that we can get better, as others have, can fuel the recovery process.
Early in the recovery process, it is possible for a treatment provider, friend, and/or family member to
carry hope for you.
At some point, however, you must develop and internalize your own sense of hope.
Empowerment
Empowerment is the belief (and reality) that one has power and control in their life, including their illness.
Empowerment also involves taking responsibility for self and advocating for self and others.
As you grow in your recovery journey, you gain a greater sense of empowerment in your life.
Support
Support from peers, family, friends and mental health professionals is essential to recovery from mental
illness.
It is especially beneficial to have multiple sources of support.
This not only reduces your sense of isolation, but also increases your activity in the community,
allowing you to obtain an integral role in society.
In addition to support from individuals, participation in support groups is an important tool for recovery.
It is well-known that being able to interact with others who understand your feelings and experiences
is the most important ingredient for your recovery.
Education/Knowledge
In order to maximize recovery, it is important to learn as much as possible about your situation
as well as the best treatment practices and available resources.
It’s also important to learn about yourself,
including your symptoms so that you can gain better control over your recovery and your life.
You can educate yourself by speaking with health care professionals,
attending workshops and support groups, reading books, articles and newsletters,
browsing the internet (to such sites as Dawn Cove Abbey),
and participating in discussion groups.
Self-help
While most people recognize the value of professional treatment,
self-help is often viewed as the conduit to growth in recovery.
Self-help can take many forms including learning to identify symptoms
and take actions to counteract them,
reading and learning about a situation and its “treatment”,
learning and applying coping skills,
attending support groups
and developing a support system to rely on when necessary.
Spirituality
Spirituality is that a partnership with one’s higher power
– a connection.
For many people, spirituality provides hope,
solace during their illness,
peace and understanding
and a source of social support.
Employment/Meaningful Activity
Frequently, when we meet new people, they ask "what do you do?"
Whether it is fair or not,
what we do shapes others' opinions of who we are.
As a result, it is common for a person's identity to be significantly impacted by what they do.
Likewise, what a person does influences his/her confidence, esteem, social role, values, etc.
Simply put, employment/meaningful activity provides most people
with the opportunity to regain a positive identity,
including a sense of purpose and value.
Hope
Hope is a desire accompanied by confident expectation.
Having a sense of hope is the foundation for ongoing recovery from woundedness.
Even the smallest belief that we can get better, as others have, can fuel the recovery process.
Early in the recovery process, it is possible for a treatment provider, friend, and/or family member to
carry hope for you.
At some point, however, you must develop and internalize your own sense of hope.
Empowerment
Empowerment is the belief (and reality) that one has power and control in their life, including their illness.
Empowerment also involves taking responsibility for self and advocating for self and others.
As you grow in your recovery journey, you gain a greater sense of empowerment in your life.
Support
Support from peers, family, friends and mental health professionals is essential to recovery from mental
illness.
It is especially beneficial to have multiple sources of support.
This not only reduces your sense of isolation, but also increases your activity in the community,
allowing you to obtain an integral role in society.
In addition to support from individuals, participation in support groups is an important tool for recovery.
It is well-known that being able to interact with others who understand your feelings and experiences
is the most important ingredient for your recovery.
Education/Knowledge
In order to maximize recovery, it is important to learn as much as possible about your situation
as well as the best treatment practices and available resources.
It’s also important to learn about yourself,
including your symptoms so that you can gain better control over your recovery and your life.
You can educate yourself by speaking with health care professionals,
attending workshops and support groups, reading books, articles and newsletters,
browsing the internet (to such sites as Dawn Cove Abbey),
and participating in discussion groups.
Self-help
While most people recognize the value of professional treatment,
self-help is often viewed as the conduit to growth in recovery.
Self-help can take many forms including learning to identify symptoms
and take actions to counteract them,
reading and learning about a situation and its “treatment”,
learning and applying coping skills,
attending support groups
and developing a support system to rely on when necessary.
Spirituality
Spirituality is that a partnership with one’s higher power
– a connection.
For many people, spirituality provides hope,
solace during their illness,
peace and understanding
and a source of social support.
Employment/Meaningful Activity
Frequently, when we meet new people, they ask "what do you do?"
Whether it is fair or not,
what we do shapes others' opinions of who we are.
As a result, it is common for a person's identity to be significantly impacted by what they do.
Likewise, what a person does influences his/her confidence, esteem, social role, values, etc.
Simply put, employment/meaningful activity provides most people
with the opportunity to regain a positive identity,
including a sense of purpose and value.
Klaas Tuinman
Deerfield, Nova Scotia, Canada
2010
Also available: Counselling (Distance/email Counselling Works!) see Distance-Telecounsel for details. To boost your sense
of self worth see the Motivate-Inspire page and the self-esteem/Worth Seminar & Workshops (Healing Circle) page
Deerfield, Nova Scotia, Canada
2010
Also available: Counselling (Distance/email Counselling Works!) see Distance-Telecounsel for details. To boost your sense
of self worth see the Motivate-Inspire page and the self-esteem/Worth Seminar & Workshops (Healing Circle) page
 |  |  |  |  |
| Your story here? |
| Adult Children, including the Lost Child, learn to be consummate actors/actresses |
To Your Innocence
Black stone lies in slumber embraced by virgin snow.
It’s the same with us.
Just like Cinderella we need to go down
remove the blinders and sleep with our shame
make love to our pain.
Stay a while; hold the child.
Hold her. Hold Her.
Hold.
Move past the skin
touch your heart within
honor each path you take, every decision you make.
Here is where you are. You never sinned.
Lick dry your shining tears
call the sun back in.
~Jeanne Ripley
Black stone lies in slumber embraced by virgin snow.
It’s the same with us.
Just like Cinderella we need to go down
remove the blinders and sleep with our shame
make love to our pain.
Stay a while; hold the child.
Hold her. Hold Her.
Hold.
Move past the skin
touch your heart within
honor each path you take, every decision you make.
Here is where you are. You never sinned.
Lick dry your shining tears
call the sun back in.
~Jeanne Ripley
| What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson |
Healing
outreach
around
the world
outreach
around
the world
| Follow-up and Support Counseling to Seminars & Workshops Dawn Cove Abbey Empowerment Outreach is a registered (not for profit) business in the province of Nova Scotia, Canada |
| Established in 1995, in commemoration of Abbey Dawn in Kingston, Ontario. |
| ________________________________________________________________________________ People who really want to heal, will find a way; those who don't will find an excuse. The people who shared their stories here found a way. |
| A Holistic Centre for Emotional, Spiritual and Mental Re-integration and Healing COUNSELING: LIFE COACHING and CONSULTING Online Distance and Tele-Counseling 24/7 Because life's crisis and upsets don't always happen at convenient times HEALING YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD Specializing in helping Adult Children of Alcoholic/Dysfunctional Families ____________________________________________________ Call or write today to start your healing |
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| You can read more inspired poetry by Jeanne Ripley - just visit her website - click HERE to visit. |
| You can read more inspired poetry by Jeanne Ripley's - just visit her website - click HERE to visit. |
| Survivors' web sites |
If you need to pick your spirits up, why not take a look at the Daily Morale Boosters
(Emotional/Spiritual Roadside Assistance) page here?
(Emotional/Spiritual Roadside Assistance) page here?
| The Survivors of Dysfunction Podium For Adult Children of Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families |
| | | | |
| Adult Child / Survivors Support Resources |
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"I am Beautiful and that settles it!"
I refused to be discouraged by the constant negatives comments of my
physique. I refuse to further believe that beauty is not my very essence.
I pity those who constantly remind me of what they deem to be
unattractive or ugly. Never again will I listen to the remarks made
describing my body in such a detestable fashion. Words that have cause
great detriment to my thinking that beauty is not found in me.
I will no longer accept that I have liver lips, nor hairy foot is out of style,
nappy hair must be straightened, long chest needs medical correction,
busy eyebrows but be neatened, narrow hips, nor my posterior portion is
too small.
I refuse to believe...
My mind is now settled that the God of all universe, galaxies, and life,
openned my mother's womb, and made liquid cell to mysteriously form
into this beautiful, captivating and unique frame I bear. He looked into my
future, smiled at His handy work and said, "Wow Melanie is SOOO
Beautiful!"
I am convinced when God said that I am beautifully and wonderfully made
[Psalms 139], and that I bear His image and likeness. I will no longer
struggle to define beauty by man's judgment, because inside and out....
I AM BEAUTIFUL!!!!
-Melanie Hamilton
| If you are ready to make the change / transition to begin your healing journey, we can help. For more information see Help - to contact us see Contact-Us Please call, write or email without obligation (and strictly confidential) _____________________________________________________________________ |
Dawn Cove Abbey - many ways of helping people learn, recover and heal:
I sincerely hope that you take the Less Travelled Road and that it brings
awakening and healing to you.
- providing personal guidance for growth, healing and empowerment
through personal life coaching/counselling.
- extensive information and support pages on this website
- - the information is free and available to all - if you have found it to
be helpful and useful, please consider making a donation toward
maintaining this important service.
I sincerely hope that you take the Less Travelled Road and that it brings
awakening and healing to you.
If you found this page helpful and know someone else who could benefit from it, please tell them
NOTE: For Recovering/Healing from a dysfunctional family, coping with or overcoming a dysfunctional
(alcoholic) family/relationship, help is available here - Online, distance help/counselling works!
Related topics: Abuse & Violence, Children-Roles, Codependency & Male-Female Equality, Lifeskills or Building Trust
NOTE: For Recovering/Healing from a dysfunctional family, coping with or overcoming a dysfunctional
(alcoholic) family/relationship, help is available here - Online, distance help/counselling works!
Related topics: Abuse & Violence, Children-Roles, Codependency & Male-Female Equality, Lifeskills or Building Trust
