The Culture of Dysfunction - Effects on Family and Relationship

To understand the relationship of the Dysfunctional
Family/Relationship to Culture, it is important first to know what
"culture" is.

INTRODUCTION: Culture: Every human being has a culture, but
no one is born with one.

Culture is learned behaviour, - acquiring it is called enculturation
(socialization) - which is the process learning of a culture.

Culture is the entire way of life of a group of people.

Culture dictates everything about us - how we dress, what
we eat, where we live, how and what (or whom) we worship,
how we earn a living, what rules and standards guide our lives.

A child born in Canada, for example, but switched at birth
with a child born in China, (thus living in China) - would be
culturally Chinese: s/he would speak the Chinese language,
dress in the Chinese fashion, follow Chinese rules and
standards for living.

So, you can see that culture is "the" major influence
on human life. We are born into it, learn it (a process
called enculturation (or socialization) - and then
pass it on to the next generation.

The point of contact for any human being with
culture is - the family. The family is the
smallest component of a society (culture).
Everything we learn, experience, hear, see,
feel, etc is "filtered" through our intellect &
emotions - which were shaped by culture.
see illustrations to the right (just below here).

Social-Cultural CAUSES of the Dysfunctional Family

The dysfunctional family (relationship) is a cultural thing: it is
the product of an emotionally dishonest, shame based,
patriarchal society – and based upon beliefs that do not support
the concept of "Love thyself", "Love thy neighbor", or "Do
Unto Others as you would have them do unto you" (Robert
Burney). See more below.
Culture is the major determinant of what is "acceptable" - and
what isn't; what is "possible", and what isn't; what is
"permissible", and what isn't.

Culture is what teaches us what our "limits" for achieving our
potential are: and thus retards it.

The family is the smallest cultural unit - it is a culture itself.

Dysfunctional family and relationship dynamics can substance
abuse (drugs/alcohol etc), poverty, death, poor foster care -
and many others.

Dysfunctional Families & Relationships respect no boundaries:
they are found among rich and poor; educated and illiterate; in
all cultures, in all religions and political systems.

Dysfunctional families & relationships go far beyond our role
models and our prototypes. These are dysfunctional – and that’
s cultural.

Our "traditional" concepts of what a man is, of what a woman
is, and what a child is, are distorted and twisted stereotypes
of what masculine, feminine and childhood really are: they are
formed by the cultures we live in.

Our cultures reinforce it through examples among "heroes",
public figures, magazines, advertising, and television, among
others. It is a "machismo" thing.

Abuse and Violenc e are endemic: this is how power and control
are maintained, and transmitted - the cultural transmission of
dysfunction.

No matter where we look - and I am trying not to be pessimistic - we see violence: war, protests, exploitation,
starvation, and large scale poverty - when the resources to avoid all this are readily available.

The "push" seems to be toward "control" and dominance - using force whenever, and wherever necessary.

C hildren learn from their parents and other significant adults: from what they see, hear, observe and
experience, they form their views on what is "right" and "wrong", "how life is", what is permissible and
acceptable, etc.

The "model" cultures promote of what a man is does not allow a man to cry or express fear; when the model for
what a woman is does not allow a woman to be angry or aggressive, or a child to be a child - that is emotional
dishonesty, and is severely maladaptive.

When the standards of a society deny the full range of the emotional spectrum and label certain emotions as
negative - that is not only emotionally dishonest, it creates an emotional sickness (our behaviour patterns are not
a disease) they are behaviours – and patterns of behaviour.

When a culture is based on emotional dishonesty, with role models that are dishonest emotionally, then that
culture is also emotionally dysfunctional and maladaptive. For it sets the people of that society up to be
emotionally dishonest and dysfunctional in getting their emotional needs met.

What we traditionally have called normal parenting in this society is abusive because it is emotionally dishonest.
Children learn who they are as emotional beings from the role modeling of their parents - and from the wider
cultural setting they live in: in which they are immersed; and by which they are surrounded.

"Do as I say - not as I do," does not work with children or adults. Emotionally dishonest parents (and cultural
environment) cannot be emotionally healthy role models, and cannot provide healthy parenting. Our
cultural/familial model for what a family should be sets up abusive, emotionally dishonest dynamics.

MAJOR Cultural CHARACTERISTICS and TRAITS Inventory
of sick, unhealthy, dysfunctional(alcoholic) families and relationships:

Denial & Enabling: Denial is the mechanism that "keeps it going" (see Dysfunctional Families). This is only a
manifestation of cultural denial and enabling to maintain exploitation and the status quo (see Denial/Enabling).

Non-communication and secrecy: members of/from dysfunctional family (cultural unit) avoid speaking about
the situation and their feelings about it. The whole dysfunctional, maladaptive situation results in feelings of
futility and powerlessness about being able to change anything. Later in life it leads to makes them want to
drop out of groups, blame everyone else, and do almost anything but communicate, or look for meaningful
change.

Anger and fear: in dysfunctional families (as in cultures), children are left with a constant level of anger and
fear, which becomes "normal" behaviour in these circumstances. Later, it is exacerbated by any situation
which threatens (or seems to threaten), or to mimic the original situation (family dynamic). The anger is
carried over from childhood into adulthood, and later in life, when certain incidents arise, even if the anger is
justified, its vehemence will usually be greater than the situation deserves, due to the carry-over. Because it
is in part a carryover from childhood, the force or frequency of the anger may obscure its actual cause, and
the end result is frustration for everyone.

Competition: (mirrored from the culture people find themselves in), there is a limited amount of love, time,
money, food, clothing, safety, etc, in dysfunctional families. Family members learn that all of these things
must be earned through competition. Rather than developing ways of working together, family members pit
themselves against each other. Later in life they feel they have to compete with others (in all kinds of
situations and circumstances) to get a word in edgewise, to perform as well as others, or to jockey for a
power position.

Unequal power structures: in most dysfunctional families (once again, as in the various cultural environments)
one person had the most power (often, but not always, the father); the other adult (often, but not always, the
mother) was dependent upon him/her. The children, in turn, were dependent upon the weaker of the two. That
adult's powerlessness was compensated for through his or her power over the children. The children were
powerless against their parents and sought to make pecking orders among themselves and their peers -
because they learned to operate within the family rules.

Dependence: dysfunctional family cultural unit members became dependent upon the very people whose
behaviors they didn't feel good about. Later in life these people are terrified to let go of destructive
patterns: of course, outsiders find this behavior baffling: codependency at its worst - and thus
repeating and perpetuating the cycle. It also often leads to Codependency later in life.

Guilt and shame: members of dysfunctional families usually are: powerless, dependent, fearful
and angry. These emotions are funneled into the subconscious through secrecy. The end result is:
a feeling of malaise (sickness); low self-esteem; lack of trust, and a strong underlying sense of
shame; also see "Guilt", a great cultural mechanism to keep people from questioning the status
quo.

Lack of trust: this is the consequence of growing up in a dysfunctional family (or growing up
dysfunctional). It is a continuing state of dysfunctional family survivors. It goes so deep that a
vicious, repeating circle is formed, one which perpetuates the situation: with the result that it
both causes and increases all of the behaviours above (see Building Trust). This is simply
mirroring the cultural climate where people no longer trust politicians, for example.

That circle is known as the Cycle Of Violence & Abuse. Inability to trust leads to being
suspicious of everyone, and everything. There is always a suspicion that all others have hidden
motives and agendas: in fact, it is assumed that this is the case. This leads to the inability to be
fully authentic, honest and forth-right. To people raised in a dysfunctional family, or trapped in a
dysfunctional relationship, the opposite (healthy, functional and adaptive) looks weird, strange,
sick, intimidating and scary.

Our cultural human tendency is to judge/compare new experiences, ideas, practices, customs,
situations and people
in our lives by comparing them, or measuring them against what we know.

To people raised in a dysfunctional family, or trapped in a dysfunctional relationship, the opposite
(healthy, functional and adaptive) looks weird, strange, "sick", intimidating and scary.

Mostly, this is due to the fact that our human tendency is to "judge" new experiences, people
and situations in our lives by comparing them, or measuring them against what we know.

The "weirdness" actually consists in the fact that it is the "sick" situation we are using as the
"standard", as if, somehow, it was "right" and the other is "wrong".

If we use the standard we were taught, we will never be able to break out of the cultural
pattern:

Amazingly, there are those who go counter to the prevailing cultural model
- and work out a family, or relationship system that doesn't follow the cultural pattern:
see Healthy Families, Comparing Healthy-UnHealthy Relationships, Male-Female Equality.

"Escape" from this is totally possible - see "The Awakening".

Klaas Tuinman M.A
Deerfield (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia - Rev: 2009

To cope, members of dysfunctional family systems resort to taking on “roles” within the family that allow the system
to be tolerable. The “taking on a role” is an unconscious act – it is not deliberate: it is a survival "technique".

These, too,are products of our environment and culture (as represented by the family, community, culture; "church"
and state)

Since the family is the basic core of society - the problems and dysfunctions of society are reflected in the family,
and the dysfunctions of families are projected into society.

A "sufficient" number of dysfunctional (alcoholic) families causes the entire society to turn dysfunctional: it is truly,
and fully a "cultural" phenomenon: a sad, and destructive one - often to be repeated, generation after generation -
until someone breaks the cycle.

Because the child is born into it, the family's method of functioning is seen as "normal", rather than sick,
maladaptive or deviant - it becomes simply "the way things are" for that child. It is part of their socialization
process.
This form of dysfunction is shrouded in non-communication, alienation, fear, denial and anger which,

while shared by all, is not permissible to express.

These feelings get channeled into standardized behavior patterns designed to keep the unhealthy system
functioning as smoothly as it can under the circumstances.
The patterns become second nature, part of the basic survival mechanisms which people carry through into all
their subsequent situations.

Components of Culture:

Culture structures (shapes) your "reality".

Family life
Child rearing
Language
Myths and stories
History
Religion
Division of labour
Birth and death rituals
Food

The Culture of Dysfunction - Effects on Family and Relationship

The Dysfunctional Family and Culture

Culture is not related to one's language or religion or race or
ethnic group - but language is related to culture!

For example, many different cultures (American, British,
Canadian, Australian, etc.) speak English (but in slightly different
ways.

Many religions, such as Christianity, Islam and Buddhism, cross
many cultures.

Canadian (or any other) culture includes people from dozens of
racial and ethnic groups.

All rules, ideas, activities and actions in a culture have a purpose,
or function.

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This function is known to all members of the culture, but often is not
obvious to outsiders.
These "rules" and "functions" are passed-on (transmitted) by the
family.

A Social Science Definition (Nature) of culture:
A system of values and norms that are shared among a group of people
and that when taken together, make up a design for living.

This function is known to all members of the culture, but often
is not obvious to outsiders.
These "rules" and "functions" are passed-on (transmitted) by
the family.

Take a Stand against a
"social sickness" - Child
Pornography
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Pornography, just click below
will take you directly to the
website prepared for it.
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