DENIAL
People who have certain behaviour problems ( alcohol, narcotics, violent/controlling/abusive behaviour, lying, stealing, etc.) put up a
buffer against their families and society.
They won't accept that they have a problem - nor do they want to admit/accept what is happening to them. This is called denial.
It is a form of lying - lying to oneself (and then others)
Denial means: to avoid taking responsibility for, or ownership of, one’s actions, behaviours, addictions, etc.
Denial impairs their judgement and results in self-delusion which keeps them in a very destructive, continuing pattern.
There are several forms of denial:
In all cases denial is purely a deliberate refusal to take ownership or responsibility for one's own behaviour: it is a conscious choice.
The denial will get worse over time as the behaviour continues.
People who have certain behaviour problems ( alcohol, narcotics, violent/controlling/abusive behaviour, lying, stealing, etc.) put up a
buffer against their families and society.
They won't accept that they have a problem - nor do they want to admit/accept what is happening to them. This is called denial.
It is a form of lying - lying to oneself (and then others)
Denial means: to avoid taking responsibility for, or ownership of, one’s actions, behaviours, addictions, etc.
Denial impairs their judgement and results in self-delusion which keeps them in a very destructive, continuing pattern.
There are several forms of denial:
- Simple Denial:
- Minimizing Denial:
- Blaming: (denial – shift attention)
- Rationalizing: (denial)
- Intellectualizing: (denial)
- Diversion: (denial – change the topic)
- Hostility: (denial)
In all cases denial is purely a deliberate refusal to take ownership or responsibility for one's own behaviour: it is a conscious choice.
The denial will get worse over time as the behaviour continues.
ENABLING
Enabling (over-looking): often people that are close to the person who is developing an unacceptable behaviour pattern seem to
"overlook" or avoid the evidence. It used to be called "sweeping things under the rug or carpet").
It really is a case of the others to accept the lying - and play along as if it wasn't so - a game of pretend.
This "enables" (makes it possible for) the one with the problem to "get away with it". It is a delusion - with everyone pretending it
doesn't exist!
Enabling (over-looking): often people that are close to the person who is developing an unacceptable behaviour pattern seem to
"overlook" or avoid the evidence. It used to be called "sweeping things under the rug or carpet").
It really is a case of the others to accept the lying - and play along as if it wasn't so - a game of pretend.
This "enables" (makes it possible for) the one with the problem to "get away with it". It is a delusion - with everyone pretending it
doesn't exist!
If you have tried unsuccessfully on your own to deal with either denial or enabling (or both), and feel in need of assistance, help is available
here. Write or call with no risk or obligation, and is totally confidential)
Perhaps you may need to r read/see "The Awakening".
Help is available here through Life Coaching, either in-person, or through Distance (email) Coaching: Distance Coaching Works (see
Contact-Info). Write or call without obligation and start your healing and recovery today. Email: outreach@dawncoveabbey.org
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada, 2000-2008
here. Write or call with no risk or obligation, and is totally confidential)
Perhaps you may need to r read/see "The Awakening".
Help is available here through Life Coaching, either in-person, or through Distance (email) Coaching: Distance Coaching Works (see
Contact-Info). Write or call without obligation and start your healing and recovery today. Email: outreach@dawncoveabbey.org
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada, 2000-2008
DENIAL & ENABLING: Avoiding Ownership and Responsibility
When the problem has gone to a critical stage (has not gone away, but gotten worse), they think that they should do something. By
then, however, denial has already set in and it will be much harder to help him/her.
The major reasons for people close to the person to act this way is that they do not know much about such behaviours - or reject
(deny) what they do know (they don't want to deal with it) - and they "play along" - enabling the person to continue with it..
Families' (partner's) non-acceptance (denial) of the problem does not help the people with behavioural problems.
Families may think they are helping them by protecting them. However, they soon realize that making excuses won't help.
Making excuses, rationalizing and trying to keep the problem hidden are only leading to more trouble.
The family (or partner) may attribute the behaviour to marital problems or other everyday problems that may happen to everybody, but
that particular person just can't cope with it.
Or
. . . . they too, may re-label it as an illness or disorder, and thus remove responsibility (and choice of other options) for the behaviour
from that individual. It is NOT an illness or disorder: it is a CHOICE!
This in turn prevents him/her from receiving the proper help (and responses), but this also gives support to the denial system.
If you are allowing that behaviour to continue - you are an Enabler.
Denial and Enabling in most cases also result in Codependence.
A more detailed article on this topic is available – see Abbey Publications.
then, however, denial has already set in and it will be much harder to help him/her.
The major reasons for people close to the person to act this way is that they do not know much about such behaviours - or reject
(deny) what they do know (they don't want to deal with it) - and they "play along" - enabling the person to continue with it..
Families' (partner's) non-acceptance (denial) of the problem does not help the people with behavioural problems.
Families may think they are helping them by protecting them. However, they soon realize that making excuses won't help.
Making excuses, rationalizing and trying to keep the problem hidden are only leading to more trouble.
The family (or partner) may attribute the behaviour to marital problems or other everyday problems that may happen to everybody, but
that particular person just can't cope with it.
Or
. . . . they too, may re-label it as an illness or disorder, and thus remove responsibility (and choice of other options) for the behaviour
from that individual. It is NOT an illness or disorder: it is a CHOICE!
This in turn prevents him/her from receiving the proper help (and responses), but this also gives support to the denial system.
If you are allowing that behaviour to continue - you are an Enabler.
Denial and Enabling in most cases also result in Codependence.
A more detailed article on this topic is available – see Abbey Publications.
Healing & Empowerment: Counselling - Life
Coaching, Seminars, Workshops & Retreats
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Only the Wounded Heal; Only the Separated Reconcile
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