GRIEF and GRIEVING Follow Definite Stages: it is a process.
There are various sources of Grief. Whether your bereavement is due to a death of a beloved person, a pet,
a friend, or because of divorce or separation, or moving away from a place, the grieving process is basically
the same.
If you're grieving, you might be having trouble concentrating, sleeping, eating, or feeling interested in the
things you usually enjoy. You might be trying to act like you feel OK (even if you don't).
You may wonder if you will ever get over losing someone who means so much to you. Grief can, and often
does, cause some people to feel guilty. These feelings and reactions are a normal part of the grieving process.
Grief is a natural reaction to the loss of someone important to you: it is the emotion people feel when they
experience a loss. Grief is also the name for the healing process that a person goes through after someone
close has died.
It is a very similar process for those experiencing a separation or divorce.
Although everyone experiences grief when they lose someone, grieving affects people in different ways.
How it affects you partly depends on your situation and relationship with the person who died.
There are various sources of Grief. Whether your bereavement is due to a death of a beloved person, a pet,
a friend, or because of divorce or separation, or moving away from a place, the grieving process is basically
the same.
If you're grieving, you might be having trouble concentrating, sleeping, eating, or feeling interested in the
things you usually enjoy. You might be trying to act like you feel OK (even if you don't).
You may wonder if you will ever get over losing someone who means so much to you. Grief can, and often
does, cause some people to feel guilty. These feelings and reactions are a normal part of the grieving process.
Grief is a natural reaction to the loss of someone important to you: it is the emotion people feel when they
experience a loss. Grief is also the name for the healing process that a person goes through after someone
close has died.
It is a very similar process for those experiencing a separation or divorce.
Although everyone experiences grief when they lose someone, grieving affects people in different ways.
How it affects you partly depends on your situation and relationship with the person who died.
The grieving process is very personal and individual - each person goes through his or her grief
differently: grief is a very personal journey. Each of us grieve in different ways. Some of us
proceed quickly through our bereavement tasks. Others need longer.
It may feel impossible to recover after losing someone you love. But grief does get gradually
better and become less intense as time goes by. There are many different types of loss, and not
all of them are related to death
Different Kinds of Loss
Feelings of loss are very personal and only you know what is significant to you. Examples
include:
Death of a partner Death of a colleague/classmate – roommate
Loss of a close friend Death of a parent, child, sibling or relative
Relationship breakup
Subtle or less obvious losses can also cause strong feelings of grief, even though those around
you may not know the extent of your feelings. Some examples include:
Sudden versus Predictable Loss
Sudden or shocking losses--due to events like crimes, accidents, or suicide--can be traumatic.
There is no way to prepare.
Predictable losses--like those due to terminal illness--sometimes allow more time to prepare for
the loss.
differently: grief is a very personal journey. Each of us grieve in different ways. Some of us
proceed quickly through our bereavement tasks. Others need longer.
It may feel impossible to recover after losing someone you love. But grief does get gradually
better and become less intense as time goes by. There are many different types of loss, and not
all of them are related to death
Different Kinds of Loss
Feelings of loss are very personal and only you know what is significant to you. Examples
include:
Death of a partner Death of a colleague/classmate – roommate
Loss of a close friend Death of a parent, child, sibling or relative
Relationship breakup
Subtle or less obvious losses can also cause strong feelings of grief, even though those around
you may not know the extent of your feelings. Some examples include:
- Loss of health through illness Loss of mental ability
- Death of a pet Change of job
- Move to a new home Graduation from school
- Loss of a physical ability Loss of financial security
- Leaving home Divorce-separation
Sudden versus Predictable Loss
Sudden or shocking losses--due to events like crimes, accidents, or suicide--can be traumatic.
There is no way to prepare.
Predictable losses--like those due to terminal illness--sometimes allow more time to prepare for
the loss.
Normal Grief Reactions
When experiencing grief, it is common to feel:
When experiencing grief, it is common to feel:
- like you are "going crazy" unable to focus or concentrate
- irritable or angry (at the deceased, oneself,
- frustrated or misunderstood anxious, nervous, or fearful
- like you want to "escape" guilt or remorse
- ambivalence numbness
| To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to sow; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war; and a time of peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (Attributed to King Solomon) |
Perhaps, as part of your grieving process, you could consider having a memorial created to share with others: see the Online Memorial page for ideas.
It might help maintain your connection.
As well, during the times of grief we all need extra support - you may find something helpful to carry you through the day, or through such times by
visiting our Daily Morale Boosters Page.
There is also Grief Work which is covered fully in the Grief Seminar.
Reading, "Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep", "A Child Loaned", "For A Reason", "Miss Me, But Let Me Go", to be helpful: also Divorce-
Healing.
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(2008)
It might help maintain your connection.
As well, during the times of grief we all need extra support - you may find something helpful to carry you through the day, or through such times by
visiting our Daily Morale Boosters Page.
There is also Grief Work which is covered fully in the Grief Seminar.
Reading, "Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep", "A Child Loaned", "For A Reason", "Miss Me, But Let Me Go", to be helpful: also Divorce-
Healing.
- NOTE: If you, or someone you know, is having difficulty with your/their bereavement, loss, separation or divorce, and you desire help:
online - Distance Counselling Works (see Counselling) for more detail (also Contact-Info): no risk - no obligation: or email:
outreach@dawncoveabbey.org
Klaas Tuinman MA
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, (Yarmouth County) Nova Scotia, Canada
(2008)
Grief as a Process of Healing: the “stages of grief, commonly referred to as the "grief cycle" (2 lists).
List I List II
Which List Is Right? Both. Each is descriptive of some of the emotions and functions we go through when we lose a loved one. Grief, like so many
other things in our complex lives, can't be reduced to a neat list with absolute definitions, time-lines, strategies, goals, and completion dates. Would that
it were so easy
Remember that the grief process is not linear, but is more often experienced in cycles. Grief is sometimes compared to climbing a spiral staircase where
things can look and feel like you are just going in circles, yet you are actually making progress.
Grief is as individual as those of us who feel it, and as varied as the circumstances of death which occur.
No matter how you choose to grieve, there's no one right way to do it. The grieving process is a gradual one that lasts longer for some people than
others. There may be times when you worry that you'll never enjoy life the same way again, but this is a natural reaction after a loss.
How do you know if your grief has been going on too long? Well-meaning friends and family might tell a grieving person they need to "move on" after a
loss. Unfortunately, makes people think they're grieving wrong or too long, or that they're not normal. Every person takes his or her own time to heal
after a loss.
The way someone grieves a particular loss and the time it takes is very individual. We might even end up being confused about when we should be done
grieving. Actually, we'll probably never be done, because there is no completion date to grieving... let your emotions flow through the stages of grief.
List I List II
- denial, Shock and numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)
- anger,
- bargaining, Yearning and searching (intensely painful feelings of loss)
- depression and Disorganization and despair
- acceptance Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)
Which List Is Right? Both. Each is descriptive of some of the emotions and functions we go through when we lose a loved one. Grief, like so many
other things in our complex lives, can't be reduced to a neat list with absolute definitions, time-lines, strategies, goals, and completion dates. Would that
it were so easy
Remember that the grief process is not linear, but is more often experienced in cycles. Grief is sometimes compared to climbing a spiral staircase where
things can look and feel like you are just going in circles, yet you are actually making progress.
Grief is as individual as those of us who feel it, and as varied as the circumstances of death which occur.
No matter how you choose to grieve, there's no one right way to do it. The grieving process is a gradual one that lasts longer for some people than
others. There may be times when you worry that you'll never enjoy life the same way again, but this is a natural reaction after a loss.
How do you know if your grief has been going on too long? Well-meaning friends and family might tell a grieving person they need to "move on" after a
loss. Unfortunately, makes people think they're grieving wrong or too long, or that they're not normal. Every person takes his or her own time to heal
after a loss.
The way someone grieves a particular loss and the time it takes is very individual. We might even end up being confused about when we should be done
grieving. Actually, we'll probably never be done, because there is no completion date to grieving... let your emotions flow through the stages of grief.
Bill of Rights for the Bereaved
Taken from the book How Can I Help? Reaching out to Someone Who is Grieving by June Cerza Kolf. |
Deal with guilt, real of imagined.
No matter how deep your sorrow, you are not alone. Others have been there and will help share your load if you will let them. |
Bereavement, Death, Divorce and other loss
Grief and Grieving: Stages/Process of Grief & Grieving/Bereavment
| Dawn Cove Abbey Empowerment Outreach - New Beginning Online Information Resources, and other supports for Individuals, Couples and Families LIFE COUNSELING / COACHING / COUNSELLING and CONSULTING: HEALING YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD |
Healing & Empowerment: Counselling - Life
Coaching, Seminars, Workshops & Retreats
Coaching, Seminars, Workshops & Retreats
| When life hurts - there is immediate help for long term hope |
Only the Wounded Heal; Only the Separated Reconcile
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