Profile on the Inner Child and the Child Within
You are a child of the universe, and you
have a right to be here: Wounded No More
have a right to be here: Wounded No More
| Reclaiming the Wounded, Inner Child Dear sweet little child inside of me, I only wish that you could see how sad I feel for not being there, when you needed help to conquer despair. The pain of heart that you went through, when innocence was snatched from you. Your feelings of betrayal - shame - I know your life was not the same. The trust and innocence you had are gone - and that's what makes me sad. 'Cause you should laugh, and romp, and play -- enjoying life in every way. When emotions are 'congealed' inside, you cannot, feelings e'er confide... with anger -frustration - you sail life's course, while your abuser ne'er feels remorse. Please don't hang your head in shame, because you really aren't to blame.. Release the guilt you feel inside, and hold your head up high with pride. I picture you, dear innocent child - with heart of gold, so tender, so mild... and hold you close in my embrace, as tears I wipe from your dear face. You see, I've come to RESCUE you from all the pain that you've been through. I'll ne'er let you be hurt again, because I am your long, lost friend!!!!! 1996 ~ Cynthia Becker |
| When Life Hurts When the hurts received from others reaches a point where people actually react to them, an amazingly curious thing happens: they reveal what/who is most loved, prized or precious to them: it will be the thing/person they turn against and take it out on. As a child it might manifest as tearing legs, arms and head off most fav doll, or trashing a prize airplane model, or maiming or hurting a beloved pet; in adulthood it might be destroying a loved tool or appliance, attack & hurt the loved one, or push the loved one away harder and harder, or run as far away as possible. They attack, destroy, damage, maim, hurt or leave exactly those things or people most precious & loved to them. Only later, when all the demolition and carnage is done, do they take stock and fully come to realize, not just what they've done, but what they've lost. And this has been known for ages - there's a song about it that people have known for years: "You always hurt the one you love". And the pain will grow, and the hurt will grow, and the guilt will grow, and the self-hatred, self-loathing and self-disgust will grow. And rage will build. This is the point at which healing/recovery can begin - because that is when people are ready - or can be. Recover-Heal through Coaching |
Denial of the Inner Child and the co-dependent self are particularly common among children and
adults who grew up in troubled (dysfunctional) families.
This is where chronic physical mental illness, rigidity, coldness or lack of nurturing is common. It
also manifests as having no sense of self-worth or esteem.
The behaviour patterns you show at times are direct reflections of the “age” you were when the
pain or hurt occurred in your past.
There is a kind of arrested emotional development takes place – and does so with each incident (it's
like the emotions are "frozen in time"). That’s how we can have more than one “inner child” – all of
varying ages. This is also known as "interrupted childhood".
adults who grew up in troubled (dysfunctional) families.
This is where chronic physical mental illness, rigidity, coldness or lack of nurturing is common. It
also manifests as having no sense of self-worth or esteem.
The behaviour patterns you show at times are direct reflections of the “age” you were when the
pain or hurt occurred in your past.
There is a kind of arrested emotional development takes place – and does so with each incident (it's
like the emotions are "frozen in time"). That’s how we can have more than one “inner child” – all of
varying ages. This is also known as "interrupted childhood".
Not everyone was mistreated or abused as a child. No one really knows how many people have been
loved and guided in healthy ways. Some estimates, however, are that from 80 to 95 percent of the
people did not receive guidance and love which is the way we know how to form healthy and loving
relationships and to love ourselves.
One of the most important concepts for us to understand: we all have an inner child, and we have
many more inner children inside of us as well (something most people don’t know). They are generally
only aware of one inner child - if that.
Besides the Inner Child, we have many other selves that are trying to take control. We can't really hear
the voices until we make an effort to do so - one of those is the "Inner Critic". It is very important to
tame the Inner Critic.
NOTE. The Inner critic is not your conscience: your conscience is the sum total of "voices" of those
who taught you "right from wrong" - plus your own innate sense of right/wrong you were originally
born with. For most people their parents "voices" will be the strongest.
The INNER CRITIC is the voice of the person who criticized you non-stop when you were young; "Is
that the BEST you could do?" - even when you got the highest grade in your class, is an example. Or,
"you are so stupid you are a constant screwup; can't you do anything right?" Sometimes it was more
than one person, and its destructive effect is that people internalize that condemning role - and then
become the "critic"themselves - they take it over. From then on, nothing ever feels "good enough" -
there is always something "wrong" - and worse yet, because they have internalized it, they have come
to believe it - and engage in behaviours that "prove" they deserve to be criticized - that they aren't
"good enough". Their actions become self-fulfilling prophecies.
That voice from the past regularly (almost constantly) keeps beating up the Inner Children. This voice
invades whatever trauma and pain there was in our childhoods.
On the other hand, it is the job of the Nurturer to be loving and self-affirming.
This is often where the internal battle begins. The Inner Critic has been keeping the Inner Children
muffled and secluded.
When the self starts to rebel and the Inner Children are finally released to be present to talk about their
feelings, sometimes the Children's selves lose control - and play havoc with people's lives.
loved and guided in healthy ways. Some estimates, however, are that from 80 to 95 percent of the
people did not receive guidance and love which is the way we know how to form healthy and loving
relationships and to love ourselves.
One of the most important concepts for us to understand: we all have an inner child, and we have
many more inner children inside of us as well (something most people don’t know). They are generally
only aware of one inner child - if that.
Besides the Inner Child, we have many other selves that are trying to take control. We can't really hear
the voices until we make an effort to do so - one of those is the "Inner Critic". It is very important to
tame the Inner Critic.
NOTE. The Inner critic is not your conscience: your conscience is the sum total of "voices" of those
who taught you "right from wrong" - plus your own innate sense of right/wrong you were originally
born with. For most people their parents "voices" will be the strongest.
The INNER CRITIC is the voice of the person who criticized you non-stop when you were young; "Is
that the BEST you could do?" - even when you got the highest grade in your class, is an example. Or,
"you are so stupid you are a constant screwup; can't you do anything right?" Sometimes it was more
than one person, and its destructive effect is that people internalize that condemning role - and then
become the "critic"themselves - they take it over. From then on, nothing ever feels "good enough" -
there is always something "wrong" - and worse yet, because they have internalized it, they have come
to believe it - and engage in behaviours that "prove" they deserve to be criticized - that they aren't
"good enough". Their actions become self-fulfilling prophecies.
That voice from the past regularly (almost constantly) keeps beating up the Inner Children. This voice
invades whatever trauma and pain there was in our childhoods.
On the other hand, it is the job of the Nurturer to be loving and self-affirming.
This is often where the internal battle begins. The Inner Critic has been keeping the Inner Children
muffled and secluded.
When the self starts to rebel and the Inner Children are finally released to be present to talk about their
feelings, sometimes the Children's selves lose control - and play havoc with people's lives.
There is a way out - a way to discover and to heal our Inner Child and to break free of the bondage and
suffering of our co-dependent or false self. Inner Child work (therapy) is a way of learning to love
ourselves and feel safer inside. It also reduces, or eliminates the nightmares and anxieties, as well as
providing understanding of what happened, how it affected us, and why our behaviours are what they
are. It can all be changed (healed).
So now that you have read this, you can begin to transform the Inner Critic to be a good internal parent,
begin to listen to the Inner Children and to allow them to have fun and be heard. It is also important to
keep a balance in your life. The Inner Children need emotional and psychological limits.
Remember these words: "it is never too late to have a happy childhood”.
suffering of our co-dependent or false self. Inner Child work (therapy) is a way of learning to love
ourselves and feel safer inside. It also reduces, or eliminates the nightmares and anxieties, as well as
providing understanding of what happened, how it affected us, and why our behaviours are what they
are. It can all be changed (healed).
So now that you have read this, you can begin to transform the Inner Critic to be a good internal parent,
begin to listen to the Inner Children and to allow them to have fun and be heard. It is also important to
keep a balance in your life. The Inner Children need emotional and psychological limits.
Remember these words: "it is never too late to have a happy childhood”.
Examples of some of the "inner" Children:
The Playful Child: that self that is naturally playful, creative, spontaneous and fun loving child. This self longs to play. Many of us have
forgotten how to do this without guilt or anxiety that as adults we must be doing something that is worthwhile.
The Spoiled Child: that part of us wants what they want and they want it now, and if they don’t get what they want, they throw temper
tantrums.
The Neglected Child: the child self that was always left alone without much nurturing and love. They don’t believe they are lovable or
worthwhile. They don’t know how to love. They are depressed and want to cry.
The Abandoned Child: this child self has been left in some way like divorce or adoption or just left because the parents were kept busy
working. They are always fearful that they will be abandoned again and again. This part of the self is starving for extra attention and
reassurance that they are safe and okay. This self is very lonely.
The Fearful Child: this part has been overly criticized when they were small. Now they are anxious and are in panic much of the time.
They need lost of encouragement and positive affirmations.
The Unbonded Child: this Inner Child never learns to be close to anyone. They are isolated. Intimacy feels alien and scary. Trust is a basic
issue.
The Discounted Child: this is a part of the self that was ignored and treated as though they did not exist.
They don’t believe in themselves and need lots of love to assist and support them.
The Playful Child: that self that is naturally playful, creative, spontaneous and fun loving child. This self longs to play. Many of us have
forgotten how to do this without guilt or anxiety that as adults we must be doing something that is worthwhile.
The Spoiled Child: that part of us wants what they want and they want it now, and if they don’t get what they want, they throw temper
tantrums.
The Neglected Child: the child self that was always left alone without much nurturing and love. They don’t believe they are lovable or
worthwhile. They don’t know how to love. They are depressed and want to cry.
The Abandoned Child: this child self has been left in some way like divorce or adoption or just left because the parents were kept busy
working. They are always fearful that they will be abandoned again and again. This part of the self is starving for extra attention and
reassurance that they are safe and okay. This self is very lonely.
The Fearful Child: this part has been overly criticized when they were small. Now they are anxious and are in panic much of the time.
They need lost of encouragement and positive affirmations.
The Unbonded Child: this Inner Child never learns to be close to anyone. They are isolated. Intimacy feels alien and scary. Trust is a basic
issue.
The Discounted Child: this is a part of the self that was ignored and treated as though they did not exist.
They don’t believe in themselves and need lots of love to assist and support them.
Related topics: Roles of Children from Dysfunctional Families/Relationships, and the Lost Child role, as well
as Co-Dependence.
Develop the ability to give yourself a profound healing experience. Call me or connect by email: Contact-Info.
Peace to you on your journey to loving to yourself - learn to resonate to a positive wavelength.
"You can’t do what you want 'till you know what you’re doing." There are “positive” aspects to
"roles" - see Children-Roles page.
Klaas Tuinman M.A.
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, Nova Scotia
2008
as Co-Dependence.
Develop the ability to give yourself a profound healing experience. Call me or connect by email: Contact-Info.
Peace to you on your journey to loving to yourself - learn to resonate to a positive wavelength.
"You can’t do what you want 'till you know what you’re doing." There are “positive” aspects to
"roles" - see Children-Roles page.
Klaas Tuinman M.A.
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, Nova Scotia
2008
If you have a question about this topic - don't hesitate to write: there is no charge, and you will receive an answer - without any
unwanted follow-up.
Help is available to you here, and an ear to listen through Coaching/Counselling, either in-person, or through Distance
Counselling. Distance Counselling / Coaching Works (see Contact-Info). Write or call without obligation and start your
healing and recovery today. Email: outreach@dawncoveabbey.org
Workshop-Retreats / Seminars: check for the "Inner Child" workshop.
unwanted follow-up.
Help is available to you here, and an ear to listen through Coaching/Counselling, either in-person, or through Distance
Counselling. Distance Counselling / Coaching Works (see Contact-Info). Write or call without obligation and start your
healing and recovery today. Email: outreach@dawncoveabbey.org
Workshop-Retreats / Seminars: check for the "Inner Child" workshop.
Inner Child - Child Within
“Inner child” is a concept used in psychology. It refers to, or describes a condition that can be linked
back to a childhood experience, physical or emotional. Popular psychology uses the concept of Inner
child to describe the childlike aspect of a person's psychological make-up, especially when it is looked
at as an independent entity.
Most frequently, it is used to affirm subjective childhood experiences and the remaining effects of a
person's childhood. NOTE: there is no connection with "Multiple Personality"
Carl Jung referred to a similar concept as the 'Divine Child.' Emmet Fox called it the 'Wonder Child.'
Charles Whitfield dubbed it the 'Child Within.' Some psychotherapists call it the 'True Self.' The
"wounded inner child" is a modified use of the inner child concept. It has been made popular by John
Bradshaw, a pop psychology and self-help movement leader.
“Inner child” is a concept used in psychology. It refers to, or describes a condition that can be linked
back to a childhood experience, physical or emotional. Popular psychology uses the concept of Inner
child to describe the childlike aspect of a person's psychological make-up, especially when it is looked
at as an independent entity.
Most frequently, it is used to affirm subjective childhood experiences and the remaining effects of a
person's childhood. NOTE: there is no connection with "Multiple Personality"
Carl Jung referred to a similar concept as the 'Divine Child.' Emmet Fox called it the 'Wonder Child.'
Charles Whitfield dubbed it the 'Child Within.' Some psychotherapists call it the 'True Self.' The
"wounded inner child" is a modified use of the inner child concept. It has been made popular by John
Bradshaw, a pop psychology and self-help movement leader.
The Inner Child, therefore, is that part of each of us that is ultimately alive, energetic, creative and
fulfilled; it is our "Genuine Authentic Self", who we know deep within us; our "Real Self."
Although they were unaware of it, our parents helped to create this Inner Child, with help from our
culture and society. Most of us deny (or are unaware) that this part of us even exists. Number 1
cause = poor parenting
When your child self is not allowed to be heard, or even acknowledged as being real, a false or
co-dependent self emerges and develops. And you begin to live life as a victim, and then situations
arise in your life where you keep having unresolved emotional traumas.
The gradual accumulation of unfinished mental and emotional business can lead to chronic anxiety,
fear, confusion, emptiness and unhappiness. The result: a hurt and frightened child.
fulfilled; it is our "Genuine Authentic Self", who we know deep within us; our "Real Self."
Although they were unaware of it, our parents helped to create this Inner Child, with help from our
culture and society. Most of us deny (or are unaware) that this part of us even exists. Number 1
cause = poor parenting
When your child self is not allowed to be heard, or even acknowledged as being real, a false or
co-dependent self emerges and develops. And you begin to live life as a victim, and then situations
arise in your life where you keep having unresolved emotional traumas.
The gradual accumulation of unfinished mental and emotional business can lead to chronic anxiety,
fear, confusion, emptiness and unhappiness. The result: a hurt and frightened child.
Your Inner Child - Divine Child - Child Within
The Inner Child refers to your emotional "side". Our personalities develop as a result of our genetic
code (DNA, or inherited characteristics), and our home, (and cultural) environment in which we
experience life.
Childhood is dictated by those who raise us and often causes scars that will take years to heal. In
most cases, our issues go back to childhood and the things, events, experiences and people which
impacted on our emotional and physical bodies at that time.
The inner child remains with us all of our lives. We are all children at heart, innocently searching for
our meaning in life. AND... ALL can heal - see "The Awakening"
The Inner Child refers to your emotional "side". Our personalities develop as a result of our genetic
code (DNA, or inherited characteristics), and our home, (and cultural) environment in which we
experience life.
Childhood is dictated by those who raise us and often causes scars that will take years to heal. In
most cases, our issues go back to childhood and the things, events, experiences and people which
impacted on our emotional and physical bodies at that time.
The inner child remains with us all of our lives. We are all children at heart, innocently searching for
our meaning in life. AND... ALL can heal - see "The Awakening"
The Inner Child and Child Within
| Victim No More |
An Interesting Thought:
If you are one that this description fits, and are searching for a way to heal, and it was your parents who were
involved in bringing about this situation - the following might be helpful:
"I didn't stop my father, I couldn't save my mother, really, what was there besides fear.
Fear became my good friend. And between 14 and 25, I attempted to kill myself.
Because when you think that fear is the only thing that you know and have, then suicide
seems like a good alternative. And so I tried three times.
And finally that third time, I realized that I had to either make a new choice, which was
to give up my parents - not give up my parents - love for my parents, but have them quit
running my life, and quit having fear in my life or I was going to end up living in a psychiatric
ward for the rest of my life."
~Anon
If you are one that this description fits, and are searching for a way to heal, and it was your parents who were
involved in bringing about this situation - the following might be helpful:
"I didn't stop my father, I couldn't save my mother, really, what was there besides fear.
Fear became my good friend. And between 14 and 25, I attempted to kill myself.
Because when you think that fear is the only thing that you know and have, then suicide
seems like a good alternative. And so I tried three times.
And finally that third time, I realized that I had to either make a new choice, which was
to give up my parents - not give up my parents - love for my parents, but have them quit
running my life, and quit having fear in my life or I was going to end up living in a psychiatric
ward for the rest of my life."
~Anon
Click Graphic to Enter
| Above all, remember: people who really want to heal, will find a way; those who don't, will find an excuse. |
| Take a Stand against a "social sickness" - Child Pornography. Light a Candle to stop Child Pornography, just click below on the word "stop", and it will take you directly to the website prepared for it. STOP |
| Dawn Cove Abbey Empowerment Outreach - New Beginning Online Information Resources, and other supports for Adult Children of Alcoholic/Dysfunctional Families LIFE COUNSELING / COACHING / COUNSELLING and CONSULTING: HEALING YOUR WOUNDED INNER LOST CHILD |
Healing & Empowerment: Counselling - Life
Coaching, Seminars, Workshops & Retreats
Coaching, Seminars, Workshops & Retreats
| When life hurts - there is immediate help for long term hope |
Only the Wounded Heal; Only the Separated Reconcile
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 | |  | |  | |  | |  | |  |