Jealousy refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that occur when a
person believes an important, and valued relationship, is being threatened by
someone else – a “rival”.
Jealousy is very "corrosive" - it "eats you up".
There are a number of individual differences that influence the expression of
jealousy. Cultural beliefs and values play an important role in determining what
triggers jealousy and what constitutes socially acceptable expressions of
jealousy.
The other is insecurity and lack of self-confidence (see below).
Whatever the causes are, almost everyone is familiar with jealousy. Despite its
familiarity, however, people define jealousy in different ways.
Some even mislabel it as being protective of something or someone, when the
fact is, it's really simply possessive jealousy itself. Many people feel they don't
have effective strategies for coping with this form of jealousy.
The word "jealousy" is also frequently used to describe what is more properly
envy,
fixation on what someone else has.
If jealousy is an issue in your life: perhaps in your relationship or marriage, or
even friendships, then you already know that jealous feelings and jealousy can be
frustrating, annoying, painful and even embarrassing.
person believes an important, and valued relationship, is being threatened by
someone else – a “rival”.
Jealousy is very "corrosive" - it "eats you up".
There are a number of individual differences that influence the expression of
jealousy. Cultural beliefs and values play an important role in determining what
triggers jealousy and what constitutes socially acceptable expressions of
jealousy.
The other is insecurity and lack of self-confidence (see below).
Whatever the causes are, almost everyone is familiar with jealousy. Despite its
familiarity, however, people define jealousy in different ways.
Some even mislabel it as being protective of something or someone, when the
fact is, it's really simply possessive jealousy itself. Many people feel they don't
have effective strategies for coping with this form of jealousy.
The word "jealousy" is also frequently used to describe what is more properly
envy,
fixation on what someone else has.
If jealousy is an issue in your life: perhaps in your relationship or marriage, or
even friendships, then you already know that jealous feelings and jealousy can be
frustrating, annoying, painful and even embarrassing.
And we all know that, if left unchecked, jealous feelings and jealousy can single-handedly destroy
an otherwise good or even great relationship, or friendship.
Most people dealing with jealousy think they are doomed to live with it forever. We can
understand why you might think that way. The reality is that we know you can stop the jealousy.
What is jealousy? Four our purposes, we see it as something that causes someone to be doubtful
of their partner and feel threatened by their interaction with certain people, the clothes they
wear, or the places they go.
Two types of jealousy:
"Cute" jealousy
Jealousy: it's normal for men to be suspicious of their women (and vice versa). Having
reservations about her going to a strip bar with friends or not enjoying the sight of her drooling
over some guy in a magazine are innocent examples of how some jealousy can be harmless, and a
perfectly normal reaction.
an otherwise good or even great relationship, or friendship.
Most people dealing with jealousy think they are doomed to live with it forever. We can
understand why you might think that way. The reality is that we know you can stop the jealousy.
What is jealousy? Four our purposes, we see it as something that causes someone to be doubtful
of their partner and feel threatened by their interaction with certain people, the clothes they
wear, or the places they go.
Two types of jealousy:
"Cute" jealousy
Jealousy: it's normal for men to be suspicious of their women (and vice versa). Having
reservations about her going to a strip bar with friends or not enjoying the sight of her drooling
over some guy in a magazine are innocent examples of how some jealousy can be harmless, and a
perfectly normal reaction.
Obsessive jealousy
The problem arises when aggression and/or violence accompanies the jealousy. Once you've
reached this stage, you obsessively begin questioning his/her loyalty to you, and that sends you
into a rage, maybe even using physical force.
You inherit an extremely low tolerance level and, before long, she/he is unable to even look at
another guy/woman or leave your side when you're both out. You demand to know where he/she is
at all times and the mere mention of another guy's/woman’s name sends you off the deep end.
The source of jealousy
You may have acquired this behaviour through past experiences with boy/girlfriends. If you have
already been cheated on, this may cause you to be more possessive and controlling of her/him for
fear of repetition.
Even if he/she's never given you any reason to doubt her/him, you become increasingly desperate
to hold on to the relationship and want to avoid potentially hazardous situations at all costs.
Similarly, you may be the one who's been unfaithful in the past, and, in a shameful attempt to not
have the tables turn on you, you want to ensure that you are the sole object of her/his desire.
The problem arises when aggression and/or violence accompanies the jealousy. Once you've
reached this stage, you obsessively begin questioning his/her loyalty to you, and that sends you
into a rage, maybe even using physical force.
You inherit an extremely low tolerance level and, before long, she/he is unable to even look at
another guy/woman or leave your side when you're both out. You demand to know where he/she is
at all times and the mere mention of another guy's/woman’s name sends you off the deep end.
The source of jealousy
You may have acquired this behaviour through past experiences with boy/girlfriends. If you have
already been cheated on, this may cause you to be more possessive and controlling of her/him for
fear of repetition.
Even if he/she's never given you any reason to doubt her/him, you become increasingly desperate
to hold on to the relationship and want to avoid potentially hazardous situations at all costs.
Similarly, you may be the one who's been unfaithful in the past, and, in a shameful attempt to not
have the tables turn on you, you want to ensure that you are the sole object of her/his desire.
Self-worth and Self-confidence: Mostly, jealousy is a by-product of one's own issues with
self-confidence and self-esteem. You and you feel threatened by that.
Jealousy, for those who can't control it, is detrimental to a relationship because it eats away at
the one thing that holds it together: Trust.
Jealousy also takes away from your quality time together as it would undoubtedly lead to
numerous fights whereby you only focus on each other's negative qualities.
Worse, you end up spending the bulk of your day foolishly thinking up scenarios in which he/she may
cheat on you. Before you know it, the greater part of your relationship will be spent on what could
be happening rather than what is happening.
Jealousy will be harder to control as the relationship progresses, so if yours is reaching
dangerously high levels, it's time to get help as soon as possible.
Remember that trust is the foundation of any relationship, and you shouldn't let your insecurities
destroy yours. More importantly, show the lady/guy the same respect you would want her/him to
show you. If you can do as you please, then so can she/he.
Five Points Of overcoming Jealousy In Relationships
1- Learn from past experiences
2- Deal with reality
3- Respect yourself
4- Get a third party's opinion
5- Set some rules early on
Overcome Jealousy and Build More Trust Now - Before Jealousy Ruins Your Friendships,
Relationship or Marriage. Jealousy is connected to Self-Esteem
self-confidence and self-esteem. You and you feel threatened by that.
Jealousy, for those who can't control it, is detrimental to a relationship because it eats away at
the one thing that holds it together: Trust.
Jealousy also takes away from your quality time together as it would undoubtedly lead to
numerous fights whereby you only focus on each other's negative qualities.
Worse, you end up spending the bulk of your day foolishly thinking up scenarios in which he/she may
cheat on you. Before you know it, the greater part of your relationship will be spent on what could
be happening rather than what is happening.
Jealousy will be harder to control as the relationship progresses, so if yours is reaching
dangerously high levels, it's time to get help as soon as possible.
Remember that trust is the foundation of any relationship, and you shouldn't let your insecurities
destroy yours. More importantly, show the lady/guy the same respect you would want her/him to
show you. If you can do as you please, then so can she/he.
Five Points Of overcoming Jealousy In Relationships
1- Learn from past experiences
2- Deal with reality
3- Respect yourself
4- Get a third party's opinion
5- Set some rules early on
Overcome Jealousy and Build More Trust Now - Before Jealousy Ruins Your Friendships,
Relationship or Marriage. Jealousy is connected to Self-Esteem
Only the Wounded Heal; Only the Separated Reconcile
Klaas Tuinman M.A.
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, Nova Scotia
2009
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, Nova Scotia
2009
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Jealousy: the Corrosive Insecurity Emotion
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