Jealousy refers to the thoughts, feelings, and
behaviours that occur when a person believes an
important, and valued relationship, is being threatened
by someone else – a “rival”.
Jealousy is very "corrosive" - it "eats you up".
There are a number of individual differences that
influence the expression of jealousy. Cultural beliefs
and values play an important role in determining what
triggers jealousy and what constitutes socially
acceptable expressions of jealousy.
The other is insecurity and lack of self-confidence (see
below).
Whatever the causes are, almost everyone is familiar
with jealousy. Despite its familiarity, however, people
define jealousy in different ways.
Some even mislabel it as being protective of something
or someone, when the fact is, it's really simply
possessive jealousy itself. Many people feel they don't
have effective strategies for coping with this form of
jealousy.
The word "jealousy" is also frequently used to describe
what is more properly envy,
fixation on what someone else has.
If jealousy is an issue in your life: perhaps in your
relationship or marriage, or even friendships, then you
already know that jealous feelings and jealousy can be
frustrating, annoying, painful and even embarrassing.
behaviours that occur when a person believes an
important, and valued relationship, is being threatened
by someone else – a “rival”.
Jealousy is very "corrosive" - it "eats you up".
There are a number of individual differences that
influence the expression of jealousy. Cultural beliefs
and values play an important role in determining what
triggers jealousy and what constitutes socially
acceptable expressions of jealousy.
The other is insecurity and lack of self-confidence (see
below).
Whatever the causes are, almost everyone is familiar
with jealousy. Despite its familiarity, however, people
define jealousy in different ways.
Some even mislabel it as being protective of something
or someone, when the fact is, it's really simply
possessive jealousy itself. Many people feel they don't
have effective strategies for coping with this form of
jealousy.
The word "jealousy" is also frequently used to describe
what is more properly envy,
fixation on what someone else has.
If jealousy is an issue in your life: perhaps in your
relationship or marriage, or even friendships, then you
already know that jealous feelings and jealousy can be
frustrating, annoying, painful and even embarrassing.
And we all know that, if left unchecked, jealous feelings
and jealousy can single-handedly destroy an otherwise
good or even great relationship, or friendship.
Most people dealing with jealousy think they are doomed
to live with it forever. We can understand why you might
think that way. The reality is that we know you can stop
the jealousy.
What is jealousy? Four our purposes, we see it as
something that causes someone to be doubtful of their
partner and feel threatened by their interaction with
certain people, the clothes they wear, or the places they
go.
Two types of jealousy:
"Cute" jealousy
Jealousy: it's normal for men to be suspicious of their
women (and vice versa). Having reservations about her
going to a strip bar with friends or not enjoying the
sight of her drooling over some guy in a magazine are
innocent examples of how some jealousy can be
harmless, and a perfectly normal reaction.
and jealousy can single-handedly destroy an otherwise
good or even great relationship, or friendship.
Most people dealing with jealousy think they are doomed
to live with it forever. We can understand why you might
think that way. The reality is that we know you can stop
the jealousy.
What is jealousy? Four our purposes, we see it as
something that causes someone to be doubtful of their
partner and feel threatened by their interaction with
certain people, the clothes they wear, or the places they
go.
Two types of jealousy:
"Cute" jealousy
Jealousy: it's normal for men to be suspicious of their
women (and vice versa). Having reservations about her
going to a strip bar with friends or not enjoying the
sight of her drooling over some guy in a magazine are
innocent examples of how some jealousy can be
harmless, and a perfectly normal reaction.
Obsessive jealousy
The problem arises when aggression and/or violence accompanies the jealousy. Once you've reached this
stage, you obsessively begin questioning his/her loyalty to you, and that sends you into a rage, maybe even
using physical force.
You inherit an extremely low tolerance level and, before long, she/he is unable to even look at another
guy/woman or leave your side when you're both out. You demand to know where he/she is at all times and the
mere mention of another guy's/woman’s name sends you off the deep end.
The source of jealousy
You may have acquired this behaviour through past experiences with boy/girlfriends. If you have already
been cheated on, this may cause you to be more possessive and controlling of her/him for fear of repetition.
Even if he/she's never given you any reason to doubt her/him, you become increasingly desperate to hold on
to the relationship and want to avoid potentially hazardous situations at all costs.
Similarly, you may be the one who's been unfaithful in the past, and, in a shameful attempt to not have the
tables turn on you, you want to ensure that you are the sole object of her/his desire.
The problem arises when aggression and/or violence accompanies the jealousy. Once you've reached this
stage, you obsessively begin questioning his/her loyalty to you, and that sends you into a rage, maybe even
using physical force.
You inherit an extremely low tolerance level and, before long, she/he is unable to even look at another
guy/woman or leave your side when you're both out. You demand to know where he/she is at all times and the
mere mention of another guy's/woman’s name sends you off the deep end.
The source of jealousy
You may have acquired this behaviour through past experiences with boy/girlfriends. If you have already
been cheated on, this may cause you to be more possessive and controlling of her/him for fear of repetition.
Even if he/she's never given you any reason to doubt her/him, you become increasingly desperate to hold on
to the relationship and want to avoid potentially hazardous situations at all costs.
Similarly, you may be the one who's been unfaithful in the past, and, in a shameful attempt to not have the
tables turn on you, you want to ensure that you are the sole object of her/his desire.
Self-worth and Self-confidence: Mostly, jealousy is a by-product of one's own issues with self-confidence
and self-esteem. You and you feel threatened by that.
Jealousy, for those who can't control it, is detrimental to a relationship because it eats away at the one
thing that holds it together: Trust.
Jealousy also takes away from your quality time together as it would undoubtedly lead to numerous fights
whereby you only focus on each other's negative qualities.
Worse, you end up spending the bulk of your day foolishly thinking up scenarios in which he/she may cheat on
you. Before you know it, the greater part of your relationship will be spent on what could be happening
rather than what is happening.
Jealousy will be harder to control as the relationship progresses, so if yours is reaching dangerously high
levels, it's time to get help as soon as possible.
Remember that trust is the foundation of any relationship, and you shouldn't let your insecurities destroy
yours. More importantly, show the lady/guy the same respect you would want her/him to show you. If you can
do as you please, then so can she/he.
Five Points Of overcoming Jealousy In Relationships
1- Learn from past experiences
2- Deal with reality
3- Respect yourself
4- Get a third party's opinion
5- Set some rules early on
Overcome Jealousy and Build More Trust Now - Before Jealousy Ruins Your Friendships,
Relationship or Marriage.
and self-esteem. You and you feel threatened by that.
Jealousy, for those who can't control it, is detrimental to a relationship because it eats away at the one
thing that holds it together: Trust.
Jealousy also takes away from your quality time together as it would undoubtedly lead to numerous fights
whereby you only focus on each other's negative qualities.
Worse, you end up spending the bulk of your day foolishly thinking up scenarios in which he/she may cheat on
you. Before you know it, the greater part of your relationship will be spent on what could be happening
rather than what is happening.
Jealousy will be harder to control as the relationship progresses, so if yours is reaching dangerously high
levels, it's time to get help as soon as possible.
Remember that trust is the foundation of any relationship, and you shouldn't let your insecurities destroy
yours. More importantly, show the lady/guy the same respect you would want her/him to show you. If you can
do as you please, then so can she/he.
Five Points Of overcoming Jealousy In Relationships
1- Learn from past experiences
2- Deal with reality
3- Respect yourself
4- Get a third party's opinion
5- Set some rules early on
Overcome Jealousy and Build More Trust Now - Before Jealousy Ruins Your Friendships,
Relationship or Marriage.
Only the Wounded Heal; Only the Separated Reconcile
Klaas Tuinman M.A.
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, Nova Scotia
2009
Dawn Cove Abbey
Deerfield, Nova Scotia
2009
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Jealousy: the Corrosive Insecurity Emotion
a Dawn Cove Abbey Resource
| The Dawn Cove Abbey Tradition: Helping People Rediscover Themselves Established in 1995, in commemoration of Abbey Dawn in Kingston, Ontario. |
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To round it all out, Dawn Cove Abbey provides personal guidance for growth, healing and empowerment
through personal life coaching/counselling, as well as the many information files that exist on this
website - the information is free and available to all.
through personal life coaching/counselling, as well as the many information files that exist on this
website - the information is free and available to all.
HEALING YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD Specializing in helping Adult Children of Alcoholic/Dysfunctional Families ____________________________________________________ Call or write today to start your healing |
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