Things my mother taught me . . .
There are no illegitimate children –
only illegitimate parents. 2
My mother taught me
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other,
do it outside.
I just finished cleaning.”
My mother taught me
RELIGION.
"You better pray
that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me
about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me
about DICHOTOMY.
"Smarten up,
or I’ll knock you two ways from Sunday!"
My mother taught me
LOGIC.
"Because I said so,
that's why . . . "
When my kids become wild and unruly,
I use a nice, safe playpen.
When they're finished,
I climb out. 3
My mother taught me
MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me
FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident."
My Mother taught me
to THINK AHEAD . . .
"If you don't pass your spelling test,
you'll never get a good job!"
Don't handicap your children
by making their lives easy. 4
My mother taught me
IRONY.
"Keep crying,
and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science
of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
What a child doesn't receive
s/he can seldom later give. 5
My mother taught me
about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me
about STAMINA.
“ You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
As a child,
my family's menu
consisted of two choices:
take it,
or leave it. 6
My mother taught me
about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
My mother taught me
about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once,
I've told you a million times;
don't exaggerate!"
My mother taught me
the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world,
and I can take you out."
My mother taught me
about SEX . . .
"How do you think you got here?"
Too often
we give children answers to remember,
rather than problems to solve. 7
My mother taught me
GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
My mother taught me
about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me
about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
Don't worry that children never listen to you;
worry that they are always watching you. 8
My mother taught me
about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
My Mother taught me
TO MEET A CHALLENGE . . .
"What were you thinking?
Answer me when I talk to you . . .
Don't talk back to me!"
My mother taught me
about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
A "young lady"
is a female child
who has just done something dreadful. 9
My mother taught me
MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they are going to freeze that way."
My mother taught me
ESP.
"Put your sweater on;
don't you think I know when you are cold?"
My mother taught me
HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."
My mother taught me
HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables,
you'll never grow up."
The thing that impresses me most
about America
is the way parents
obey their children. 10
My mother taught me about
my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me
WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age,
you'll understand."
My mother taught me
about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like you!" 1
There are no illegitimate children –
only illegitimate parents. 2
My mother taught me
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other,
do it outside.
I just finished cleaning.”
My mother taught me
RELIGION.
"You better pray
that will come out of the carpet."
My mother taught me
about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me
about DICHOTOMY.
"Smarten up,
or I’ll knock you two ways from Sunday!"
My mother taught me
LOGIC.
"Because I said so,
that's why . . . "
When my kids become wild and unruly,
I use a nice, safe playpen.
When they're finished,
I climb out. 3
My mother taught me
MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."
My mother taught me
FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you're in an accident."
My Mother taught me
to THINK AHEAD . . .
"If you don't pass your spelling test,
you'll never get a good job!"
Don't handicap your children
by making their lives easy. 4
My mother taught me
IRONY.
"Keep crying,
and I'll give you something to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science
of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
What a child doesn't receive
s/he can seldom later give. 5
My mother taught me
about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me
about STAMINA.
“ You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
As a child,
my family's menu
consisted of two choices:
take it,
or leave it. 6
My mother taught me
about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
My mother taught me
about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once,
I've told you a million times;
don't exaggerate!"
My mother taught me
the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world,
and I can take you out."
My mother taught me
about SEX . . .
"How do you think you got here?"
Too often
we give children answers to remember,
rather than problems to solve. 7
My mother taught me
GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
My mother taught me
about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
My mother taught me
about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
Don't worry that children never listen to you;
worry that they are always watching you. 8
My mother taught me
about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
My Mother taught me
TO MEET A CHALLENGE . . .
"What were you thinking?
Answer me when I talk to you . . .
Don't talk back to me!"
My mother taught me
about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
A "young lady"
is a female child
who has just done something dreadful. 9
My mother taught me
MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they are going to freeze that way."
My mother taught me
ESP.
"Put your sweater on;
don't you think I know when you are cold?"
My mother taught me
HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."
My mother taught me
HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables,
you'll never grow up."
The thing that impresses me most
about America
is the way parents
obey their children. 10
My mother taught me about
my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My mother taught me
WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age,
you'll understand."
My mother taught me
about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like you!" 1
PARENTS' DICTIONARY
FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper
distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are
wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be
as long as they do everything we say.
SHOW OFF: a grandchild who is more talented than yours. 11
FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper
distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are
wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be
as long as they do everything we say.
SHOW OFF: a grandchild who is more talented than yours. 11
The trouble with being a parent
is that by the time you are experienced,
you are unemployed. 12
Amen! So true.
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first,
and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more,
and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting
and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch,
and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious,
and seriously play.
I would run through more fields
and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging
and less tugging. 13
To be good,
you've got to have
a lot of little boy in you. 14
is that by the time you are experienced,
you are unemployed. 12
Amen! So true.
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first,
and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more,
and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting
and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch,
and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious,
and seriously play.
I would run through more fields
and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging
and less tugging. 13
To be good,
you've got to have
a lot of little boy in you. 14
Credits:
[1] -Things My Mother Taught Me ~Unknown
[2] ~Leon R. Yankwich
[3] ~Erma Bombeck
[4] ~Robert A. Heinlein
[5] ~P.D. James
[6] ~Buddy Hackett
[7] ~Roger Lewin
[8] ~Robert Fulghum
[9] ~Judith Martin
[10] ~Edward, Duke of Windsor
[11] ~Anon
[12] ~Author Unknown
[13] ~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"
[14] ~Roy Campanella
Music: Yakkity Yak
A Dawn Cove Abbey presentation
[1] -Things My Mother Taught Me ~Unknown
[2] ~Leon R. Yankwich
[3] ~Erma Bombeck
[4] ~Robert A. Heinlein
[5] ~P.D. James
[6] ~Buddy Hackett
[7] ~Roger Lewin
[8] ~Robert Fulghum
[9] ~Judith Martin
[10] ~Edward, Duke of Windsor
[11] ~Anon
[12] ~Author Unknown
[13] ~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"
[14] ~Roy Campanella
Music: Yakkity Yak
A Dawn Cove Abbey presentation
For prayer requests and more, visit our sister site Stella Maris,
- a place where truth and beauty dwells: or write for information.
- a place where truth and beauty dwells: or write for information.
To submit comments, requests or materials,
contact me at: outreach@dawncoveabbey.org
contact me at: outreach@dawncoveabbey.org
I gladly welcome all article, haiku, humour and poem contributions
For empowerment workshops and seminars see: http://www.dawncoveabbey.org/healing-circle
For empowerment workshops and seminars see: http://www.dawncoveabbey.org/healing-circle
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