I believe that it is the weak who are cruel,
and that gentleness is to be expected
only from the strong. 1
A human being is a part of the whole
called by us universe,
a part limited in time and space.
s/He experiences hirself,*
hir thoughts and feelings
as something separated from the rest,
a kind of optical delusion of hir consciousness.
This delusion is a kind of prison for us,
restricting us to our personal desires
and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.
Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison
by widening our circle of compassion
to embrace all . . . 2
I am a healthy twenty-three year old, born with normal vision,
normal hearing and normal speech.
My twin sister,
Dawn, was not born so lucky.
My mother was very young when she had given birth to my sister and me.
Because we were born so early we were placed in incubators
until we were three weeks old.
While in the incubator, the doctor administered too much oxygen to my sister.
She was later diagnosed with cerebral palsy, a nervous disorder which causes a malfunction in the sensory
motor skills and also brain damage.
She had undergone several unsuccessful surgeries to restore her sight which was completely gone in her
left eye and only 68% detectable in her right eye.
Along with a slow developing brain, and legal blindness,
it was also determined that she was legally deaf in her right ear.
She had to wear braces on her legs and she had to walk with crutches.
She stuck out like a sore thumb connected to all these contraptions,
often causing people to stare and point.
While growing up a twin, I felt my identity was not my own.
I wanted to just be Donnette, not Dawn's twin sister.
We lived in a small neighborhood where my sister was the only 'different' child.
We were both constantly picked on,
and we never had any friends because of my sister's condition.
I began to loathe my sister, and I did everything and anything to get her into trouble
to get back at her being born mentally retarded and physically disabled.
I felt like she was a constant thorn in my side.
I was embarrassed to be seen with her,
so I made fun of her right along with the other children.
When I turned twelve my mother was so disgusted with my behavior
towards my sister, she figured I was old enough to know better,
and that I should love my sister for who she is,
for that is the way God created her.
My mother threw me in my bedroom and gave me a thick yellow book
which looked to me like a photo album.
What I saw in that book changed my life and my attitude
about the way that I viewed my sister
and other handicapped people like her.
There were numerous baby pictures of my sister and I dressed alike,
the only difference: Dawn was hooked up to tubes and needles and machines.
She had her hands and fingers taped so that she would not compromise
the patch on her eye from surgery.
She looked like a mummy. I looked small and peaceful.
There were also several pictures of the two of us in the hospital
until we were three years old.
Once again, Dawn was wrapped up in a glorified mummy outfit,
with tubes and needles attached to her everywhere.
If you looked closely, you could see the pain reflected in her eyes.
The picture that stood out the most was a Polaroid snapshot
of the two of us in the crib hugging each other.
The caption below read,
'I am so happy to get a visit from my twin sister, Netti.
The doctors make me cry.
She makes me laugh.'
I noticed one common factor in all of the pictures:
even though she was in a great deal of pain, and suffering so much,
this baby girl, who some would call a handicapped retard,
smiled so big for the camera.
I realized then what my mother was trying to show me.
I felt ashamed at the way I treated her,
and I cried myself to sleep.
Tenderness and kindness
are not signs of weakness and despair
but manifestations of strength and resolution. 3
Later that evening, my sister crawled over and woke me up for dinner.
I kissed her and hugged her and profusely apologized for my behavior.
She looked at me with uncertainty in her eyes.
I knew she did not know what I was talking about.
But I knew,
I knew.
From that moment on, I was my sister's protector.
No one was going to hurt her for any reason.
If the children in the neighborhood
did not want to play with us
because of my sister,
so be it.
We would play with each other.
We did not need them.
We were inseparable.
Love,
not reason,
should make your decisions. 4
and that gentleness is to be expected
only from the strong. 1
A human being is a part of the whole
called by us universe,
a part limited in time and space.
s/He experiences hirself,*
hir thoughts and feelings
as something separated from the rest,
a kind of optical delusion of hir consciousness.
This delusion is a kind of prison for us,
restricting us to our personal desires
and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.
Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison
by widening our circle of compassion
to embrace all . . . 2
I am a healthy twenty-three year old, born with normal vision,
normal hearing and normal speech.
My twin sister,
Dawn, was not born so lucky.
My mother was very young when she had given birth to my sister and me.
Because we were born so early we were placed in incubators
until we were three weeks old.
While in the incubator, the doctor administered too much oxygen to my sister.
She was later diagnosed with cerebral palsy, a nervous disorder which causes a malfunction in the sensory
motor skills and also brain damage.
She had undergone several unsuccessful surgeries to restore her sight which was completely gone in her
left eye and only 68% detectable in her right eye.
Along with a slow developing brain, and legal blindness,
it was also determined that she was legally deaf in her right ear.
She had to wear braces on her legs and she had to walk with crutches.
She stuck out like a sore thumb connected to all these contraptions,
often causing people to stare and point.
While growing up a twin, I felt my identity was not my own.
I wanted to just be Donnette, not Dawn's twin sister.
We lived in a small neighborhood where my sister was the only 'different' child.
We were both constantly picked on,
and we never had any friends because of my sister's condition.
I began to loathe my sister, and I did everything and anything to get her into trouble
to get back at her being born mentally retarded and physically disabled.
I felt like she was a constant thorn in my side.
I was embarrassed to be seen with her,
so I made fun of her right along with the other children.
When I turned twelve my mother was so disgusted with my behavior
towards my sister, she figured I was old enough to know better,
and that I should love my sister for who she is,
for that is the way God created her.
My mother threw me in my bedroom and gave me a thick yellow book
which looked to me like a photo album.
What I saw in that book changed my life and my attitude
about the way that I viewed my sister
and other handicapped people like her.
There were numerous baby pictures of my sister and I dressed alike,
the only difference: Dawn was hooked up to tubes and needles and machines.
She had her hands and fingers taped so that she would not compromise
the patch on her eye from surgery.
She looked like a mummy. I looked small and peaceful.
There were also several pictures of the two of us in the hospital
until we were three years old.
Once again, Dawn was wrapped up in a glorified mummy outfit,
with tubes and needles attached to her everywhere.
If you looked closely, you could see the pain reflected in her eyes.
The picture that stood out the most was a Polaroid snapshot
of the two of us in the crib hugging each other.
The caption below read,
'I am so happy to get a visit from my twin sister, Netti.
The doctors make me cry.
She makes me laugh.'
I noticed one common factor in all of the pictures:
even though she was in a great deal of pain, and suffering so much,
this baby girl, who some would call a handicapped retard,
smiled so big for the camera.
I realized then what my mother was trying to show me.
I felt ashamed at the way I treated her,
and I cried myself to sleep.
Tenderness and kindness
are not signs of weakness and despair
but manifestations of strength and resolution. 3
Later that evening, my sister crawled over and woke me up for dinner.
I kissed her and hugged her and profusely apologized for my behavior.
She looked at me with uncertainty in her eyes.
I knew she did not know what I was talking about.
But I knew,
I knew.
From that moment on, I was my sister's protector.
No one was going to hurt her for any reason.
If the children in the neighborhood
did not want to play with us
because of my sister,
so be it.
We would play with each other.
We did not need them.
We were inseparable.
Love,
not reason,
should make your decisions. 4
Now as I look back,
I realize that I never once
took my sister's feeling into consideration.
I did not want to know my own sister's story of why.
I was so caught up in my own selfishness that
I never saw her pain.
I never put myself in her shoes.
I never had to struggle to do normal, everyday activities.
I could run and jump all on my own, without crutches.
I never knew how blessed I truly was,
or how special Dawn is.
I know that I made it worse for her,
because she longed to be 'normal' like me.
Strangers do not understand her
because they do not know how to deal with her,
nor do they have experience dealing with her,
so they treat her indifferently.
But I am her sister, her blood,
and I should have been there for her
straight from the beginning.
I realize that I never once
took my sister's feeling into consideration.
I did not want to know my own sister's story of why.
I was so caught up in my own selfishness that
I never saw her pain.
I never put myself in her shoes.
I never had to struggle to do normal, everyday activities.
I could run and jump all on my own, without crutches.
I never knew how blessed I truly was,
or how special Dawn is.
I know that I made it worse for her,
because she longed to be 'normal' like me.
Strangers do not understand her
because they do not know how to deal with her,
nor do they have experience dealing with her,
so they treat her indifferently.
But I am her sister, her blood,
and I should have been there for her
straight from the beginning.
If we could find a way to get inside each other's mind
If I could be you and you could be me for just one hour
If you could see you through my eyes instead of your ego
I believe you'd be surprised to see that you'd been blind.
Walk A Mile In My Shoes 7
“Walking in someone else’s shoes”
is how we understand what the other person is going through
and being there for them -
it’s called empathy.
The key is to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, sometimes.
When people care enough to do this, instead of focusing
only on themselves - life improves for all.
Negativity, selfishness, anger, bitterness,
pain and fear blinds us to all others.
As Donette wrote,
“I never put myself in her shoes.
I did not want to know my own sister's story of why.
I realize that I never once took my sister's feeling into consideration.”
Human beings seldom step outside of themselves
to really grasp the needs and fears of others.
We often project our own thoughts and beliefs upon strangers,
and make judgments based upon how we think
they 'should' be living their lives.
If only we could experience a few moments
inside the feelings of another person,
the world would be a much more compassionate
and benevolent place. 8
When you reach
your hand out to another,
do so with love.
It will rarely be refused. 9
If you want others to be happy,
practice compassion.
If you want to be happy,
practice compassion. 10
Don't forget, the person who helped you today
may be the person you help in the future. 11
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see
Fear not, you are not alone;
someone will always love you unconditionally. 12
It is easy to love the people far away.
It is not always easy to love those close to us.
Bring love into your home
for this is where our love for each other must start. 13
It’s easy to resonate with Anne Frank:
“It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals,
because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out.
Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything
I still believe that people are really good at heart.” 14
I believe in people . . .
I believe in Peace - I believe in Kindness – I believe in Love,
because -
for better of for worse,
God puts us all in each other’s lives
to impact one another in some way.
Look for God in others.
Everyone is my sister/brother – it all begins with me.
If I could be you and you could be me for just one hour
If you could see you through my eyes instead of your ego
I believe you'd be surprised to see that you'd been blind.
Walk A Mile In My Shoes 7
“Walking in someone else’s shoes”
is how we understand what the other person is going through
and being there for them -
it’s called empathy.
The key is to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, sometimes.
When people care enough to do this, instead of focusing
only on themselves - life improves for all.
Negativity, selfishness, anger, bitterness,
pain and fear blinds us to all others.
As Donette wrote,
“I never put myself in her shoes.
I did not want to know my own sister's story of why.
I realize that I never once took my sister's feeling into consideration.”
Human beings seldom step outside of themselves
to really grasp the needs and fears of others.
We often project our own thoughts and beliefs upon strangers,
and make judgments based upon how we think
they 'should' be living their lives.
If only we could experience a few moments
inside the feelings of another person,
the world would be a much more compassionate
and benevolent place. 8
When you reach
your hand out to another,
do so with love.
It will rarely be refused. 9
If you want others to be happy,
practice compassion.
If you want to be happy,
practice compassion. 10
Don't forget, the person who helped you today
may be the person you help in the future. 11
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see
Fear not, you are not alone;
someone will always love you unconditionally. 12
It is easy to love the people far away.
It is not always easy to love those close to us.
Bring love into your home
for this is where our love for each other must start. 13
It’s easy to resonate with Anne Frank:
“It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals,
because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out.
Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything
I still believe that people are really good at heart.” 14
I believe in people . . .
I believe in Peace - I believe in Kindness – I believe in Love,
because -
for better of for worse,
God puts us all in each other’s lives
to impact one another in some way.
Look for God in others.
Everyone is my sister/brother – it all begins with me.
Caritas (agape) love is the unconditional love
directed towards others
which is not dependent on those others
because it comes from within.
Caritas love brings forth deep caring
regardless of circumstance:
the Greeks called that loving capacity
the “divine gift” to humans.
directed towards others
which is not dependent on those others
because it comes from within.
Caritas love brings forth deep caring
regardless of circumstance:
the Greeks called that loving capacity
the “divine gift” to humans.
_____________________________________
Acknowledgements:
*Hir (contracting for his/her)
[1] ~Unknown
[2] ~Albert Einstein
[3] ~Kahlil Gibran
[4] ~Adi Da Samraj
[5] -For My Paco ~Donnette Liotta
[6] ~Anon Author, age 16
[7] -Walk A Mile In My Shoes ~Joe South
[8] ~Chelle Thompson
[9] ~Ron Rathbun
[10] ~HH the Dalai Lama
[11] ~Onaiug McKnickels (adapted)
[12] ~Unknown
[13] ~Mother Teresa
[14] ~Anne Frank
Music: Compassion
Layout Design and Presentation Crafted by KT+
Acknowledgements:
*Hir (contracting for his/her)
[1] ~Unknown
[2] ~Albert Einstein
[3] ~Kahlil Gibran
[4] ~Adi Da Samraj
[5] -For My Paco ~Donnette Liotta
[6] ~Anon Author, age 16
[7] -Walk A Mile In My Shoes ~Joe South
[8] ~Chelle Thompson
[9] ~Ron Rathbun
[10] ~HH the Dalai Lama
[11] ~Onaiug McKnickels (adapted)
[12] ~Unknown
[13] ~Mother Teresa
[14] ~Anne Frank
Music: Compassion
Layout Design and Presentation Crafted by KT+
She Ain’t Heavy, She's My Sister
The road is long
with many a winding turn
that leads us to who knows where,
who knows where.
But I'm strong,
strong enough to carry her.
She ain't heavy, she's my sister.
So on we go.
Her welfare is my concern.
No burden is she to bear,
we'll get there.
For I know
she would not encumber me.
She ain't heavy, she's my sister.
If I'm laden at all,
I'm laden with sadness
that everyone's heart
isn't filled with the gladness
of love for one another.
It's a long, long road
from which there is no return.
While we're on the way to there,
why not share?
And the load
doesn't weigh me down at all.
She ain't heavy, she's my sister.
She's my sister.
She ain't heavy, she's my sister...
~The Hollies (with my apologies)
The road is long
with many a winding turn
that leads us to who knows where,
who knows where.
But I'm strong,
strong enough to carry her.
She ain't heavy, she's my sister.
So on we go.
Her welfare is my concern.
No burden is she to bear,
we'll get there.
For I know
she would not encumber me.
She ain't heavy, she's my sister.
If I'm laden at all,
I'm laden with sadness
that everyone's heart
isn't filled with the gladness
of love for one another.
It's a long, long road
from which there is no return.
While we're on the way to there,
why not share?
And the load
doesn't weigh me down at all.
She ain't heavy, she's my sister.
She's my sister.
She ain't heavy, she's my sister...
~The Hollies (with my apologies)
I am her other half, just as she is my other half.
When Dawn hurts,
I hurt:
that is the unbreakable bond Dawn and I share.
After all, I am Dawn's twin sister,
and she is my world.
'I love you, Paco!' 5
There's a point in your life
when you realize
who really matters,
who never did,
and who always will. 6
When Dawn hurts,
I hurt:
that is the unbreakable bond Dawn and I share.
After all, I am Dawn's twin sister,
and she is my world.
'I love you, Paco!' 5
There's a point in your life
when you realize
who really matters,
who never did,
and who always will. 6
For prayer requests and more, visit our sister site Stella Maris,
- a place where truth and beauty dwells: or write for information.
- a place where truth and beauty dwells: or write for information.
To submit comments, requests or materials,
contact me at: outreach@dawncoveabbey.org
contact me at: outreach@dawncoveabbey.org
I gladly welcome all article, haiku, humour and poem contributions
For empowerment workshops and seminars see: http://www.dawncoveabbey.org/healing-circle
For empowerment workshops and seminars see: http://www.dawncoveabbey.org/healing-circle
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